Friday, October 16, 2020

i've been reliving my toddler hell

 i grew up afraid mom would kill one of us.  i can't remember a happy time.  one where i was happy in the family.  i've been happy away from the family.  any attempt to express happiness was met with criticism and sarcasm.  

acknowledging and embracing the fact i can feel my muscles relaxing my stomach un-clenching.  

when nit was 2-3 she said she was going to run away.  must have been a weekend no one else home.  i knew at 7-8 i couldn't do anything to change her mind so i offered to make her sandwiches for when she got hungry.  2 peanut butter jelly.  she decided she could run away anytime.  maybe she was just hungry.  i don't know.  i was just trying to survive.  

today's daily word forgiveness i thought was dentists at 1 pm.  it's everything.

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