Monday, November 30, 2015

MAINTENANCE-HOUSE-NUVOH2O


I HAVE HOPE.  I SAW A NEW WATER SOFTENER THAT LOOKS SIMPLE AND EASY. 

THE PROBLEM IS DECIDING THE SIZE.  AND THE DISCREPANCIES IN INFORMATION.

AND THE ABILITY TO INSTALL IT. 

ANDREW VOLUNTEERED HIS HANDYMAN ABILITIES.  WHEN I DECIDE ON THE MODEL I'LL ASK.

CRITICAL PATH MANAGMENT:

WATER SOFTENTER
PLUMBING
YARD

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

RAISING THIEVES AND PSYCHOS

MOM TRAINED MIT AND AIL TO BE WHO THEY ARE FROM MOM'S INSECURITIES.  SHE ABUSED AIL TO BE THE JUNK YARD GUARD DOG IRONICALLY BORN IN THE ASIAN ASTROLOGY YEAR OF THE DOG 1946.  MOM RAISED BOTH OF THEM TO STEAL BY ALLOWING THEM MY THINGS WITHOUT RECIPROCATING.

MOM REWARDED AIL'S SICKNESS BY ABUSING HER AND ALLOWING HER TO BE ABUSED BY THE REST OF THE WORLD.

THE ABUSE STOPPED WITH ME.

SO THEY BOTH STOLE FROM ME AND MOM.  AND THE REST OF THE WORLD.

AND THEY BOTH PASSIVELY ABUSED MOM BY LAUGHING AT HER BEHIND HER BACK.  THE MORE SHE NEEDED THEM THE MORE THEY NEGLECTED AND IGNORED HER.  NOW I UNDERSTAND.

MIT INSISTED SHE WAS NEVER ABUSED.  DENIAL.  YOU DON'T BECOME AN ABUSER WITHOUT BEING ABUSED.

CAN YOU SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE, MOM??  ARE YOU PROUD OF YOURSELF??

YOU ARE A COWARD AND A BULLY.




Wednesday, October 28, 2015

ALL MY PROBLEMS....UPDATE 1-28

HAVE BEEN DUE TO MY FAULTY PERCEPTION OF THE BEHAVIORS OF WOMEN.

BECAUSE OF THE SICK RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN MYSELF, WICKED MOM AND WICKED SISTERS I'VE DEVELOPED A SLANTED PERSPECTIVE OF HOW WOMEN FUNCTION AS DYSFUNCTION.

HELEN AT THE FIRST LUNCH TABLE IS THE ONLY FEMALE EVER TO STAND UP FOR ME; TELLING LUCY(FAUX AILEEN) TO LEAVE ME ALONE.

AND CRAZY LUCY RESPECTS HELEN.  CRAZY SAT NEXT TO ME TODAY AND LEFT ME IN PEACE.

IT HAS TAKEN ME THIS LONG TO ASK WHAT IS THE LESSON.

CONFIRMATION I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK;

I'VE BEEN PRINTING OUT LYRICS AND FOUND THE LYRICS TO HIS SHEEP AM I. FINALLY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF SEARCHING SONG BOOKS.  I FINALLY LOOKED ON A HYMN LYRICS WEBSITE.


DAD DID ME A FAVOR BY BEING ABSENT.  I HAD TO DEVELOP A FRAMEWORK FROM NOTHING TO DEAL WITH MEN.

DAD WAS AN ALCOHOLIC AND DRUGGY.



Wednesday, October 21, 2015

DICK TATORS-DICK FOLLOWERS


PEOPLE GIVE THEIR POWER TO DICTATORS FROM FEAR, LAZINESS, GREED OR ALL THE OTHER NEGS.

THEY HAVE SOMEONE TO BLAME.  THEY HAVE A FALSE GOD TO PRAY TO, A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY.

THEY CHOOSE TO BE A SMALL FISH IN A BIG SEA.  A PART OF SOMETHING.  SO DESPERATE TO BELONG.

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

STILL FEELING SAD BUT I'M FEELING


THIS AM'S DREAM-BOUNTY HUNTER REMINDING ME TO READ MY TRUCK(CHECK INVENTORY FOR EVERYTHING I MIGHT NEED).  HIS TRUCK WAS GINORMOUS.  AND FULL OF EVERYTHING I COULD POSSIBLY NEED.  I GUESS HE'S GOT MY BACK.  I CLIMBED UP TO THE CAB KNOWING HE'D TAKE CARE OF ME.  

THIS AM'S SONG"OOH, CHILD THINGS'LL ONLY GET EASIER, OOH, CHILD THINGS'LL GET BRIGHTER. " 

I COULDN'T REMEMBER THE WORDS IN MY SLEEP BUT I KNEW THE MUZAK WOULD PLAY AT THE SENIOR CTR AND IT DID.  


Wednesday, September 16, 2015

SYMPTOMS


FEELING SAD NOT ANXIOUS, SO THIS MUST BE SOMETHING NEW.  THIS MONTH HAS BEEN AN EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER.

THIS WEEK STARTED THE NEW SEASON ON TV AND I'M HAVING TO RESET MY THINKING.

I DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING TODAY.

HAPPINESS TAKES WORK.


Friday, July 17, 2015

MIRACLES HAPPEN ALL THE TIME

I'VE ALWAYS LIVED BY INTUITION
1972-AVOIDING HEAD ON COLLISIONS 2X
AFTER WE MARRIED IN SAN JOSE WE WERE DRIVING TO BEAR VALLEY THRU FREMONT ABOUT TO GO UNDER THE TRAIN TRESTLE TO NILES.  I FREAKED AND MADE X SLOW DOWN, THERE WAS SOME FOOL TRYING TO PASS IN THE ONCOMING DIRECTION.
AFTER HAVING DINNER WITH SOME FRIENDS IN MONTEREY, DRIVING HOME TO SAN JOSE I AVOIDED ANOTHER CAR TRYING TO PASS IN THE ONCOMING DIRECTION ON HWY 1.

1982?-HIGH-SIDED 350-4 HONDA MOTORCYCLE ON SUNDAY MORNING SKYLINE RIDE W/X/SHAWN. TRYING TO KEEP UP WITH NORTONS ON MY HONDA.  BIKE RICOCHETED UP THE SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN SO FAST I HAD NO TIME TO THINK.  I KNEW I DIDN'T WANT TO GO UP THE MOUNTAIN AND THE BIKE LEANED, WENT DOWN THE MOUNTAIN, HIT THE DRAINAGE DITCH AND I WAS AIR-BORN INTO THE ONCOMING LANE SANS TRAFFIC.  I WAS ELATED UNTIL I REALIZED I COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED.  WE CONTINUED DOWN 84 TO A REST STOP.  SHAWN THREW OFF HIS HELMET AND JACKET AND CAME RUNNING OVER TO ME.  "ARE YOU ALRIGHT??" " YEAH, I THINK SO."  I HAD NO IDEA WHAT HAD HAPPENED UNTIL LATER THAT WEEK X CAME HOME AND SAID SHAWN WAS A LIAR.  "HE SAID YOU HIGH SIDED." "WHAT IS THAT?"  X EXPLAINED.
HAPPENED IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE.

1985-FINDING THE COURSE IN MIRACLES
I'D BOUGHT A GREETING CARD IN SAN JOSE AND FRAMED AND PUT IT ON MY BREAKFAST TABLE.  THEN AFTER I'D MOVED TO GILROY I JOINED  A COURSE IN MIRACLE'S GROUP AND ON PAGE 24: THE MIRACLE WORKER'S PRAYER.  I HADN'T LOOKED AT THE BACK OF THE CARD.

I DIDN'T KNOW I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO DO IT ALL AT ONCE.  ONE SUNDAY AFTER CHURCH I TOOK A RIDE TO THE FLYING LADY RESTAURANT IN MORGAN HILL.  I WAS IN A FOUL MOOD.  ON MONTEREY HIGHWAY MY FUSCHIA  FEEDBAG PURSE FELL OFF THE BACK AND AFTER I NOTICED I U-TURNED AND WENT BACK FOR IT.  I SAW TWO MEN IN A CAR PULLED OVER, ONE OF THEM HELD UP MY BAG.  HE SAID THEY'D TRIED TO FIND EVERYTHING THEY COULD.  I THANKED THEM AND STUFF WAS STILL BLOWING ALL OVER AS THEY DROVE OFF.  I LOOKED FOR EVERYTHING I COULD FIND AND CONTINUED TO MY DESTINATION.  I HAD A RELAXING CUP OF COFFEE AND ACCEPTED MY MISERABLE LIFE.  THEN WHEN I STARTED MY 350-4 HONDA I'D LEFT IT IN GEAR AND IT LURCHED FORWARD ON ENOUGH OF AN INCLINE FOR THE GAS TO DRIBBLE OUT THE GAS CAP.  I COULDN'T PICK IT UP BECAUSE OF THE SLIGHT ANGLE.  I HAD TO ASK A TERRIFIED FAMILY COMING OUT OF THE RESTAURANT FOR HELP PICKING IT UP.  DROVE HOME WITHOUT INCIDENT AND HORRIFYINGLY REALIZED MY FAVORITE RINGS HAD BEEN IN THE BAG.  I SPENT THE REST OF THE EVENING UNTIL IT GOT DARK LOOKING FOR MY 1 CARAT DIAMOND SOLITAIRE FROM MON AND THE 5 CARAT ALEXANDRITE FROM JENNY ZEUZEM.  I FOUND THE RUBY AND AMETHYST A LITTLE SCUFFED.  I CALLED THE ONLY ONE TO HAVE A METAL DETECTOR AND HE SAID HE'D GET A BATTERY FOR IT NEXT A.M.  I DID THE OPENING THE BOOK TRICK AND READ SOME OF OUR SUCCESSES ARE ACTUALLY FAILURES AND SOME OF OUR FAILURES ARE SUCCESSES.  I COULDN'T SLEEP ALL NIGHT, AFRAID IF MOM FOUND OUT SHE'D HAVE A STROKE OR HEART ATTACK.  NEXT MORNING HE COULDN'T GET IT TO WORK SO BEFORE I HAD TO GO TO THE STORE AT 10 I WALKED FROM WHERE THE BOTTLE OF WHITE OUT HAD HIT THE PAVEMENT.  I FOUND THE DIAMOND STONE ON THE SHOULDER OF THE ROAD AND THE SETTING MANGLED 10 FEET IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LANE.  THE ALEXANDRITE MUST HAVE BEEN SMASHED TO SMITHEREENS.  I FOUND ITS SETTING ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE FOUR LANE ROAD.  OR IT MAY HAVE BEEN GOING ROUND AND ROUND IN SOME TIRE TREAD ON ITS WAY TO CANADA OR MEXICO.

I LEARNED TO WATCH MY TEMPER.  BAD MOODS RESULT IN BAD EXPERIENCES.

1989-MOVED HOME.  MOM AND DAD DROVE TO MY APARTMENT IN CUPERTINO TO ASK IF I'D DRIVE DAD TO HIS KAISER DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENTS.  HE WOULDN'T LET HER DRIVE.  SINCE ALL MY GRANDPARENTS DIED OF CANCER I KNEW THEY WERE TERRIFIED.  THE FIRST TIME THEY CAME TO ME EVER.
THERE WAS A RECEPTIONIST JOB AT UNITY CHURCH. ONE OF SEVERAL CHURCHES I'D VISIT ROTATIONALY.  I TOLD THEM I'D FILL IN TEMPORARILY.  IT WAS GREAT AT THE BEGINNING.  JOHN BRADSHAW TICKETS WERE AVAILABLE BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO GO TO OAKLAND ALONE.  LINDA WANTED TO GO BUT DIDN'T HAVE A CAR.  IT WAS THE BEST. 3000 CODEPENDENTS BEING OUR POLITE SELVES.  PAGE HUTCHINSON WAS THE KINDEST OM.  I STAYED FOR A YEAR AND 3 MONTHS.

1993-DELORISE LUCAS 
WHEN I QUIT UNITY CHURCH AS THE RECEPTIONIST I STARTED SELLING MARY KAY WITH LINDA THE SECRETARY BECAUSE SHE TOOK ME TO A RECRUITING BREAKFAST MEETING FOR MY  BIRTHDAY(12-6-1992).  I'M SHAKING MY HEAD AT MYSELF.  I DIDN'T HAVE ANY JOBS LINED UP.  AND IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD TIME FILLER.  
I KNEW I NEEDED SOMETHING AWAY FROM MD DRAMA.  
I STARTED SELLING BY INTUITION. AT A SECLUDED METAPHYSICAL BOOKSTORE IN CUPERTINO BELONGING TO PAULA WHO I LATER RAN INTO AT KKUP RADIO.  ONE MORNING I'M DRIVING LAWRENCE EXPRESSWAY AND I HEAR THREE KNOCKS AT THE BACK WINDOW OF MY NISSAN SENTRA STATION WAGON AND THE URGE TO GO  PAULA'S BOOKSTORE. I'M HANGING AROUND WAITING FOR I DON'T KNOW WHAT AND LIZ MORSE SHOWS UP WITH HER GREETING CARDS FOR SALE.  SHE LIVES IN MTN VW AND I SELL HER PRODUCT FOR HER B'DAY BUT I CAN'T FIND ONE ITEM IN THE CAR.  I PROMISE TO GET IT TO HER THE NEXT DAY BUT SHE'S GOING TO BE IN SAN JOSE AT HER WOMEN'S MEETING AT TEN AM AT THE RECOVERY BOOKSTORE IN SAN JOSE ON BASCOM AV.  I KNOW THOSE PEOPLE TOO.  I SET OUT AT 9:30 AND GET THERE WITH EVERY GREEN LIGHT ON SAN TOMAS.  SO I'M SO EARLY.  I TELL MY FRIENDS I'M WAITING FOR SOMEONE IN THE WOMEN'S GROUP HAVING AN APPOINTMENT WITH A "HEALER".  I WAIT AND LOOK AT THE INFO ON THE WALLS ABOUT "MOMMA".  I THINK ALL SORTS OF QUESTIONS ABOUT HER.  THE WOMEN START SHOWING UP AND I KNOW HALF A DOZEN OF THEM FROM SUFI DANCING SUNDAY NIGHTS, DANCES OF UNIVERSAL PEACE.  THEY INVITE ME TO JOIN THEIR GROUP FOR THE READING AND LUNCH.  MOMMA STARTS BY ANSWERING ALL MY UNSPOKEN QUESTIONS AND SAYS"I DON'T KNOW WHY I TOLD YOU ALL THAT".  I RAISE MY HAND AND SAY" I DO.  YOU ANSWERED ALL THE QUESTIONS I THOUGHT."  I'D NEVER FELT SO NAKED.  I WAS TOO FREAKED OUT TO DO ANYTHING ELSE.  THEY ALL WENT TO LUNCH, I WENT HOME AND LITERALLY PUT ON MY PAJAMAS AND CRAWLED INTO BED UNTIL I FELT SAFE ENOUGH TO MOVE.  

1994-I ATTENDED HER CLASSES TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY I WAS TERRIFIED.  HERE WAS SOMEONE WHO KNEW ME INSIDE OUT.  PROBABLY BETTER THAN I KNEW MYSELF. SOMEONE OF PURE LOVE.  AND I COULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT I SAW.  AT FIRST I WENT TO CATCH HER IN SOME TRICK.  BUT THE CROWDS WERE ALWAYS 30-40 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.  SHE DIDN'T BRING IN ENOUGH MONEY TO GENERATE THE ACTION.  I WENT ALONG FROM CURIOSITY AND TO RESOLVE MY FEAR.

THEN ON APRIL 1, SHE ASKED IF SHE COULD ORDAIN ME A MINISTER.  I BECAME REVEREND SUSAN OF



Thursday, June 25, 2015

TRYING NEW ACTIONS FOR NEW RESULTS

BESIDES USING ALL CAPITALS. 

I'VE LEARNED THAT WHEN I AWAKEN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT I HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO SET THE TONE FOR THE DAY.  IT'S UP TO ME.  ALL MY CHOICE. 

I'VE BEEN HAVING THE BEST TIME CATCHING ALL THE LIGHTS GREEN, FINDING COINS,  ETC.

AND TELLING OFF PEOPLE. 

                            WHOOPEE!!!!

Friday, June 12, 2015

The aspergers anxiety-A new era-Friday 6*12*15/ UPDATE 1-28-2016


Playing with my blog.  I don't know where the tab button goes.  I'm feeling anxious.  Dark Purple.  Maybe my definition of the feeling is off.  Maybe it's just the feeling of change and growth.  
The puzzle table is occupied by the DUMB talker.  He might be homeless.  Yes, he is.

So I take my cue and do differently.  Checked my libraries,  charging my phones and I'll probably exercise for the fourth time this week out of boredom.  

Well, I did decide to make  my  health my number one priority.   Me.  Little ol' me.  

I 'm in uncharted waters trying to relax, float, keep cool.  

So relaxed I left the extra keys in the car.  Hmmm.  I did take some kava.

update; 1-28-2016
forgot it's BH's b'day.




Tuesday, June 9, 2015

UNTITLED-I don't quite know what I'm feeling


FEELING GRAY.  YESTERDAY WAS VERRY HOT. 93.  LAST WEEK I EXERCISED 5 DAYS.  MON.TU,TH, FRI,SAT.  AND I'M OK.  

NOT GREAT BUT OK.  EXERCISED YESTERDAY.

WATCHED ADAM SANDLER, THE COBBLER.  STRANGE MOVIE.  I DON'T KNOW HOW IT'S AFFECTED ME BUT I AM WRITING IN ALL CAPS.  AND I KEEP MISSING THE S KEY.   
FINISHED THE PUZZLE AND CHECKED MY EMAILS.  FREE MOVIES AT SAVEMART FROM THE CODE ON RECEIPTS.

MAYBE MY FEELINGS ARE FROM WATCHING MIYAZAKI'S, THE WIND RISES.  JAPANESE PEOPLE HAVE AN ODD PERCEPTION OF LIFE.

SAD,  LIKE ALL OF LIFE IS SUPPOSED TO BE SAD AND DEPRESSING.  AM I DEPRESSED?  OR MAYBE JUST SAD THAT AN ENTIRE CULTURE CAN BE SO DEPRESSING.


Monday, May 18, 2015

WHIRLWIND MONTHS

WELL I'VE JUST MANAGED TO SURVIVE ANOTHER MARCH, APRIL, MAY.

I'M STILL REELING FROM THE PAIN OF WATCHING MY OLD LADY-dvd.

HOW adults MANAGE TO SCREW UP ALL THE LIVES AROUND THEM.


Friday, April 17, 2015

Having a cold is better than the flu

February I had the flu and T took care of me.  A new experience.  Mom always shut me away and I either survived or not.

So Tuesday I ate too much junk from the $an Carlos store and started coughing.  Like the many seniors here at the club.  And Wednesday I ate salad and junk.  So yesterday I still felt sick.  I ate some junk and good stuff and today I'm much better.

Hurray!!!


Thursday, April 9, 2015

Lemony Snicket 10-pg234

Trying times require increasing creativity and fortitude for survival. 

Disaster creates smarter, faster, kinder kids.  If they survive.

Book eight was at the senior's library so in my typical fashion I read the entire series.  13 books from the library.

Like Grimm fairy tales, very dark, tragic stories.  People die and bad people triumph for awhile and bad things will continue while residing on this planet.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

REFRAMING THE PAST-3*21*15

SATURN*DAY

I realized being here at Angel's Camp has sooo many ties that I can cut and remodel. 

It's close to Bear Valley.  The cite of the horrible no-honeymoon.  

Strawberry the last town b4 Sam's world.

The redoing of the sick trip w/lizm. 

I'm sooo much better, there's no comparison. 

The mountain driving is hard on the  back.  Walking up and downhill is exhilarating and having all day to stretch is HEAVENLY.  HAVENLY.

Got here 3*18 Wednesday after 4.   Thursday the sales talk.  Savemart.  Yesterday, Friday, walking around downtown bought a rock.  $1.50.  Talked to tourist bureau.  Came home and rested.  It's difficult to determine the level of tiredness when I feel so elated.  You could even say elevated here in the mountains.  Ha, ha!

Oh, and I'm over the b-days, bidets.

Monday, March 16, 2015

THE NEW ME**TAKING NO PRISONERS

Saw an idiot in gym. Now I already knew he was an idiot.  So my behavior makes me an idiot.

I was just amazed he had the nerve to brag-volunteering on prop j by wearing a $ tee shirt.

Remember where you are.  At least I've identified for sure one of the 60% idiots who believed the liars.  Actually that whole gang.  Men who talk and talk and talk.  "Do nothings-but talk".

The men in the gym are here because they don't like or get along with real women only servants.

Supposed to go to Angels Camp Wednesday with T driving.  He says we'll take my car wink, wink.  So I don't know.  SS is visiting and he's very depressed.  D can be very mean.


Thursday, January 1, 2015

1/1/15 Happy New Year-and at this moment I am

Spent the eve at Yerba Buena High School.  The noise at  a powwow doesn't aggravate me like most loud noises do.  I actually find it soothing.  Opera and loud noises usually make me very angry. 

Had an Indian taco for the first time.  I actually had $7 I could spend on food.  I usually consider it a luxury that doesn't last so last year I spent $5 on alabaster and hematite stretch bracelets.  Then I was too full.  It was very good and I ate every huge bite. 

So today is washing sheets and general housekeeping.