Monday, October 20, 2014

Ouch-Feeling the Healing

Mourning what I never had and maybe never will.  Mourning what I had instead.  Mourning what might have been.  My body is so stiff and sore.  The body remembers every blow. 

My head's been hurting on the outside.  My feet, legs, everything at different times.

I was up and down all night.  Watched dvds to fall asleep. 

I've just been feeling stressed and tired.  I'm tired of feeling tired. 

The only way to heal is to feel it and process.  Wait for it to dissipate.

I had a very weird, quiet weekend. Saturday Costco gas b4 the rain predicted.  Fresh and Easy two dinners.  Maria came by, no phone call to drop off JCP shirt that just isn't me.  I was in the middle of excavating the stove so I sent her off to finish.  Talked to no one Sunday and felt so calm.  Maybe I just want a bs free zone.  Give me the bottom line


Friday, October 17, 2014

wonder when

I'm still processing.  Walter Jr. and Walter Sr. are mirroring me and dad.  I get to watch from the outside and hope for the best. 

It's miraculous how God presents just what I need. 

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Patience-Thursday10-2-2014Wednesday nite adventure

Yesterday I was feeling very fragile, uncomfortable.  T had scheduled Mon. Tue. to come over and help at the house.  Postponed until Wed. and changed plan to dinner Della made, cornbread and chili.  Then he invited me to SF Thurs. to hear a friend play at Biscuits and Blues at 7:30.  He called at 2:30 to say 5 pickup.  I asked if I should eat b4 and he got all flustered about the new idea.  So he agreed to burger in-n-out.  I said I'd rather McD or BK and he agreed.  So then of course, he was late, 5:30 and drove Monroe to LX to Homestead to Wolfe.  Refused to go the easy way to Wolfe.  Drove to Vallco.  McD moved.  Bk  the other side of complex so we drove aimlessly up SCrkBlvd u-turned back to DeAnza and proceeded to drive towards Saratoga.  Saw a BK on the right, couldn't get over, made another U-turn and got food.  He needed to eat, ranting he was a child who only thought of himself and he was late because only his time was important and nobody liked him.  People will only put up with him for so long and he was going to live under a bridge but first he'd kill himself.

This after Della loaned him her car and Julie is counting on him to housesit for two weeks. 

So after I ate I felt better, he was still upset with me saying we can't get along.  I just let him wear himself out.  Going to SF was exciting.  Drove along the bay.  So beautiful.  I was commenting and he yelled at me to be quiet and what was wrong with me.  He was nervous he never drove b4.  Was driven.  Parked in garage 2 doors away. Got there at 7:30.  They hadn't started.  Loco was there.  They were all Common Ground Hill buddies.  We took Loco home.

I had Anderson Valley oatmeal stout.  He had two cuba libres.  $6.50 and $20.00.  I paid drinks $36 tax and tip for great service.  He paid Bk and pkg.

Best time I've had in a loonngg time.

Just what I needed.