Wednesday, October 18, 2017

WHEN WILL IT END

THIS WEEK RAIN IS FORECAST AND THE DEPRESSION CONTINUES. 

AT LEAST I'M CLEAR THAT IT'S A FLASHBACK TO DAD'S SERIAL CRISES. 

EVERY EPISODE I HOPED WAS THE TURNING POINT WHERE HE'D LEARN TO DO BETTER AND BE BETTER BUT I WAS SO DEEPLY IN DENIAL I COULDN'T SEE I WAS IN DENIAL.

IS IT POSSIBLE TO KNOW I'M IN DENIAL?  DOES DENIAL PRECLUDE KNOWING?

SO HE DRAGGED ME DOWN WITH HIM.  WHAT ELSE COULD I DO, ABANDON HIM LIKE MY SISTERS?  I NEVER WANT TO BE LIKE THEM.  I KNOW THEIR FATES.  I WANT HAPPINESS.  HEAVEN IS POSSIBLE.  I'VE LIVED IN HELL.

HE ABANDONED MOM.  SHE NEVER RECOVERED.

I'M RECOVERING.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

FEELS SO WEIRD

TO DO WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT.  I PUZZLED UNTIL 9, I ATE AN APPLE AND ORGANIZED MY BAG WHILE WAITING FOR COMPUTER ROOM TO OPEN.  THEN I WHEEL'D, SOAKED, REMEMBERED PAY CON CELL WHEN I PUT WET THINGS IN CAR TO DRY, LUNCHED WITH LADIES, BIKED FOR 1 1/2HRS WHILE WATCHING TV.  HEAVEN.

AND NOW MY SNACK.  MY BACK IS STILL SLOWLY IMPROVING.

TYGJ.

Monday, October 16, 2017

I LOOKED IT UP

ONE WHO FATHS?

AND IT DOESN'T REALLY KNOW.  CIRCULAR DEFINITION. 

I'M HERE AT SV TO RETURN DVDS.  I FORGOT YESTERDAY.

THIS 9AM I CALLED SCOTT/SKYLIGHT AND HAVEN'T HEARD A PEEP.  PEEEEP.

I WATCHED xXx  AT SRS.  AND JEO WHILE BIKING.  AND HAD THE FIRST TOTALLY NORMAL BM IN NO IDEA. 

SATURDAY NIGHT I HAD EXCRUCIATING STOMACHE.  I HAD TO GET GRAPEFRUIT DRINK TO GET BACK TO SLEEP.  IT COULD HAVE BEEN THE TWO STAN'S DOUGHNUTS.

SUNDAY T CALLED AND TOOK ME TO PHO AND I HAD RICE AND I'M BETTER.  I ALSO WORE TWO BELTS UNTIL BED.

WHAT NEXT?

I'VE BEEN CLEANING UP MY EMAILS.  WHEW! A LOT OF THEM.  SO THIS AM YAHOO WANTED CONFIRMATION I'M ME.

I'M STILL ME.

still FATH

I'LL HAVE TO LOOK THAT UP.

Thursday, October 12, 2017

FAITH!

FREUDIAN SLIP.  I TYPED FATH.  I FORGOT THE I.  I SENT IN PRAYER FOR THE SKYLITE AND I HAVE TO LET IT GO AND DO IT'S JOB.  ANOTHER TEST.

THE FIRES UP NORTH, NAPA, SONOMA MENDICINO COUNTIES ARE OVERWHELMING THE SOUTH BAY.  THE SMELL AND ASH.  I HAVE TO REMEMBER TO CHECK AIR FILTER.

I LEFT A DVD IN THE SR COMPUTER AND IT WAS HERE.  I TOOK BACK A BUNCH AND TEDDY BEAR DIDN'T REGISTER RETURN SO I ASKED AT DESK.  I CAME BACK AFTER WATCHING IT YESTERDAY.  TODAY I WATCHED STAR TREK BEYOND.  I LIKE WATCHING AT DOUBLE SPEED. 

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

DREAMS

LAST NITE I LOOKED FOR AND FOUND THE LIB WODEHOUSE BOOK.  I'M DOING OK.  I'VE DONE BETTER AND I WILL AGAIN.

I ATE TOO MUCH AND AWOKE @ 2:30.  I WATCHED SNATCHED.  SO GROSS.  THE GOOD PART WAS LADIES.  EQUALITY.  OF A SORTS.  AMY SCHUMER, GOLDIE HAWN LOOKING LIKE A FROG.

NAPPED 5-6.  STARTED BIO/ANTHRO DVD.  IT'S OK.

DREAMED I LEFT T SHOWERING AND DROVE INTO HURRICANE CALMLY AND RESOLUTELY.  HUH.

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

I'M GROWING

MY HOROSCOPE CAUTIONED AGAINST GETTING FAT.  TOO LATE.  I LIKE THE NEW ME.  AFTER A LIFETIME OF SKINNY POPO I'M FEELING REFRESHED.  I LIKE BEING THE RUBENS WOMAN.  A WOMAN OF SUBSTANCE.

I FOUND A PHONE CHARGER AT SRS.  I HOPE IT'S WELSUN'S.  SERVE HIM RIGHT AFTER SHORTING MINE. 

ST. J. HAD CLOTHES HALF OFF.  I WAS HOPING FOR THE SHIRTS TO EXERCISE IN.  I FOUND 2 AND A TANK AND FABRIC FOR INSOLES. 

NOW I HAVE TO WASH ALL THE CLOTHES.  MAYBE TOMORROW. 

I'M NOT GOING TO WORRY ABOUT THE ROOF.  DIVINE ORDER. 

WORRYING IS SUFFERING TWICE.