fixing the gutter from guilt or shame defeats the work. and i learned from the family only guilt and shame. no wonder their unhappiness in never enjoying the doing. separate from them i took pleasure in feeling accomplished, strong and capable. they ostracized me. nothing i could do about their rejection. in their backward way they saved me. i had to do and learn on my own without their influence.
doing, creating, making from love energy rebounds in feeling satisfaction nurturing oneself. newton's equal opposite action reaction.
seniors loaded freebies and went to prune ridge lucky's. talked to Cathy got rain check. no sanitizers college homestead safe way bought 12 soup.
right side of skull hurting probably 2014 whiplash contra coup fall when my right leg collapsed and i hit the ground i.e. concrete porch apron. glad it wasn't raining i lay there 10 minutes wondering if i should call 911 but gathering strength i picked myself up. kaiser gave me a cane.
sat Oct 30-woke 5 took my time. rain gutter still preying on my mind. i have to ignore it. it's just stuff. i decided to look for free safe way sanitizer. none college and homestead. tried maria and gym 2. soaked 20 min dressed slowly clipped nails. went back to safe way to use remodeled bath room waited in line. i said to woman behind me if everyone got vaccinated we wouldn't need masks or lines. she said the vaccine is an excuse to microchip everyone. i told her it would cost trillions. she said the pandemic was made in a lab. crazy. i ignored her.
i debated sv or cup library went to cup safe way no freebie but clearance wipes dollar 40. sitting in car i decided to mail insurance enough for one day. home to watch 'medium' not my favorite episode i ate soup for lunch and last toke roll.
remembered back seminar 2nd called rsvp and toke thanks for lead and rolls from cost co just right amount butter. talked 39 min.
i'm successfully consciously dealing with obsessive compulsive.
sun Oct 31-forgot it was Halloween. cut some tree at 9 am using pruner and stick saw i taped together. too hot and sunny. picked up fruit. if i work in 10 min bits and rest i think i can do it. i do love doing. makes me feel strong. i don't understand people who just talk.
didn't want to drive wanted to soak in hot tub. drove to lucky's expressway tons of teddy's ginger ale, clearance pork bits, 2 almonds 3x points. and i'm done.
watching celebrity wheel makes me laugh happy!
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