i'm feeling 3 years old when i realized grandma wasn't taking care of me anymore and mom made my 8 year older sister take care of me. mom made my sister my mother screwing us both up. that started the pattern of jealousy. my sister resented me. mom couldn't leave me to be loved by grandma. no one can love me more than they love mom. no one can love me more than my significant other. that's what i imprinted to survive. like a hatching 3 year old baby duck. all my terrible imprinted doomed relationships left me believing i was unlovable. i chose jealous people to not love me like mom. i've avoided relationships. i can't tolerate anymore disappointment. i'm having a conscious nervous breakdown. my entire body is shuddering and quaking. i'm drinking a protein shake to soothe myself i can't eat.
we addicts are taught to hate ourselves by the people we love and depend on the most.
today's Daily Word Timeless-Revelation 21:1 Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away.
how appropriate for Daylight Saving Time.
Harville Hendrix was correct i've repeatedly attempted to fix the past by recreating someone to love me who's incapable.
my neck is loose and unlocked. i dressed for walking to the market then didn't. i slept 3 hours and rested this afternoon and i'm watching the oscars well rested. i poached frozen fish in honey mustard with rainbow carrots. heated package of cooked brown and wild rice. yay!! me!!
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