Thursday, January 28, 2021

taming anxiety 8 am

simple not easy.  i've been doing it hit and miss all my life.  most of us do.  learning is my favorite thing because of the rewards,  the more i learn the safer more control i have over myself.  'with all thy getting get thee understanding'.  and the chemical factory is explained how it functions and why.  easier to remember.

i'm still lucid dreaming.  my chemical memories are releasing from my back.  i release and let go.

i wrote auntie since she doesn't remember the card and stickers.  she wanted to know how i am i wrote what i'm doing.  since the x rays i'm a little sad it's taken this long for anyone to believe me.  given my family history of depression it's familiar and still feels lousy.

i wonder if the shattered spine and neck compression is energy related to dad 's dad hanging himself?  dad died of his self fractured vertebra.  auntie t had work back injury.  they say genetics but there's a behavioral component too.  more food for thought. 

i'm waiting for mrs coralis' return soc sec call.  if she doesn't call i'll try again this afternoon.  i have a plan.  i answered a call from resort he very nicely hung up when i explained.  

picked up lunch #8 at 10;50.  straight to main break in rain just long enough to stretch on 3 better bars .2 behind main by duck lake.  i explored.  i've never been this side.  and rain is back.

wow, i'm feeling abandoned by those who have died.  lunch pretty good.  mushroom chicken quarter and apple slaw ok.  i'll sit with feeling for awhile.

battle of providers going x-fin and csc-public.  i have to keep resetting.  good i'm good with adversity.

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