scary

i'm watching 'running with scissors' again.  i watched it years ago not realizing the story based on life.  an entertaining group of eccentrics.  it's amazing that only now i realize how truly 'normal' their family is.  i never noticed the father is alcoholic.  my dad drank before coming home.  normal.  if they are mentally ill 60 % maybe more of america is mentally ill.  and the rest of the world that allows social ills.

i've changed and i can continue to embrace reality.  the story of redemption can be everyone's.  getting back to owning oneself.  family=another form of slavery.  emotional chains and prisons.  family designed to be a launching platform.  i was programmed to fail so my sisters would succeed.

i re program myself to own my own life.

it's so cold the phone wouldn't automatically turn on.  i plugged in charger and it turned on.  

i called s c it yesterday and i have home internet again. tygj s c i t.  and it's gone after an hour.. 

bedroom c d g quit.  time for something different.  

today is healing.  well, self care.  i'm focused on me.  hard to remember i'm so conditioned otherwise.  i'm installing instilling new programs.  i never knew what i wanted to be.  i want to be happy.  an inside job.  only i can do it.  whatever else i do in this world i want to be happy doing it.

taming:  1 minute what do i want.  20 minute total distraction allowing subconscious solution.  1 minute what 1 step do i take before bedtime.  success creates more success.  brain paves more myelin highways.