letting go

giving up the past to make room for a new better future.  hard and scary.  the doubts.  what if it's worse?  go back.  maybe hardwired to instill caution.

i paid pge walmart, walked store.  9;30 too early seniors so i sat in car 'pheasant under glass'.  wind tropical storm.  decided to try calling mammogram.  after 10 minutes i replaced cancellation tomorrow 3;15.  easy peasy.  2 1/2 weeks calling.  nervous energy driving to seniors i saw big avocado.  arr seniors 10;07 #7 briskly walked 3 blocks to pick up found another.  whew i was sweating.  

some of the nervous energy is due to the high velocity south wind electricity.  one day at a time.  one thing at a time even though i revel in multi tasking.  makes me feel skilled and talented.  not being able to do strength things sucks.  i miss doing physical things.  making things, trimming trees, cleaning gutters.  i never found them to be difficult.  i always managed to simplify the task.  i changed the broken door hinges on my datsun.  i did all my plumbing repairs, painting.  and now my back, shoulders, hips don't allow me.  i feel like a loser.

from the crest of the sine wave of life into the trough.