my back is so much better after resting it all yesterday. i moved around a lot not carrying anything like mom or dad. no brace. my bunion is the most painful thing. used to be my left one but it's so much better through stretching my lower back and foot massage. my muscles feel better balanced.
and yesterday my blog updated automatically. not today. i ate spaghetti-os/meatballs for breakfast. so great. mom always said it was too expensive.
8:30 am drifting in and out of sleep i get it. i'm re balancing 1999. hellish year of sisters torturing parents. no rest or sleep for me. every year we live is recorded in the body.
i don't have to force myself to walk to nob hill. i'm watching the relationships on 'just shoot me' and i just impulsively followed my heart. i never considered options. i never had any as a child. i wasn't allowed to make any decisions. i was told what to do on threat of death. i was threatened all the time so my sisters harassing threatening me with physical eviction came as no surprise. hurt added to insult. feeling stupid for taking care of mom and dad alone when my parents never stood up for me. toki was the first person ever to defend me to helen. when she did it felt monumental.
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