not having love every disappointment feels like spiritual death. the idea of zombies. bodies without a soul. terribly wounded people infecting others with their disappointment and pain. turning others into zombies. soulless bodies wandering the earth.
i'm forcing myself to sleep. i'm purposely resting. taking care of my toddler self. consciously fulfilling my needs. i know i'm right by the knot in my stomach. from discomfort to growth. i was born and raised to care for my dying parents. reading prince harry's 'spare' i was a spare tire kept in the trunk in case of emergency. i wasn't allowed feelings. i wasn't loved or supported. i had to rely on myself. i wasn't a human being to them. to them i was a zombie body without human needs. explains the abuse, humiliation, lack of support, entitlement.
checked dollar tree and sprouts seniors good. glad to have toki back. without her i don't want to go. puzzled upstairs 'til walter came by with minnie chicken acquired 2 chicks. lamenting not having them before he wouldn't have been able to care for them as well. i went back to sprouts for new chips and bakery special $1.99 pumpkin pie. dollar tree $21 most i ever spent. 8 vienna sausages, 2 egg rolls, 4 fish sticks, pizza, butter pecan, relax candy, poster clay. eating like a queen.
No comments:
Post a Comment