tire air pressure light came on this am to remind me america's tire. seniors i debated who to give do nuts to. after exercise i saw book mobile gave Cody and Aggie 4 left. i used soft clearance napkins i've had in car for years. he's so good he renewed loans for me.
came am tire for air top up and nail in driver back tire tripped light. had to make an appointment. i decided to toss the 4 do nuts left. no one i wanted to give them. parked expressway safe way in shade. ate weird cabbage hamburger mess reminded me of mom's sweet corned beef cabbage walked store. came back at 2 using their wireless. done by 2:45 no charge. decided home emotionally exhausted. dad and car too much. he insisted the 18th on his birth certificate was wrong being born at home. i thought of asking auntie but 6 years younger who knows. mom and dad lied to me so much not telling the truth. taught my sisters so thoroughly. i tried lying to mom when i was 8 and it gave me a stomach ache. lies create dis ease. feeling my alone ness all one ness.
distracted myself fixing sun disintegrated strap on pool bag.
pages doing weird things appearing disappearing. mirrors my feelings of helplessness hopelessness. must be why and when people create trouble for themselves and others. Will anniversary moon day more sadness anxiety.
fry day 18 feels like dad's real b'day. i don't feel like doing anything like dad. i paid discover still being responsible. went upstairs to computer. Pete gave me his lunch i went out to car called Walter didn't want lunch ready to leave i offered to bring him jacket he doesn't want me there who or what is he hiding? i offered dad's alcohol he wants that. dad was insulin 2 x a day and still drinking, i threatened to tell doctor and refuse to drive him. Walter wants to pick up from senior parking lot Tuesday like a drug deal. i went home to eat and gathered up vodka whiskey big rolling bucket from garage. i'm ready to leave the past behind. i decided to stay home relax.
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