1972

I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT MY LIFE.  I JUST LIVED IT.  I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WANTED TO DO AFTER HIGH SCHOOL SO I WENT TO COLLEGE.

MR RHODES MY HIGH SCHOOL COUNSELOR APPLIED TO SJSU, BERKELEY, STANFORD, SCU FOR ME AND I WAS ACCEPTED.  I KNEW I'D HAVE TO DO IT ALONE AND COULD AFFORD SJSU.  SO OFF TO COLLEGE TO FIND OUT WHAT I WANTED TO DO.

TAKING THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE.

I MET AND MARRIED AND BEGAN FIGURING OUT MY LIFE.  MARRIAGE FORCED ME TO THINK ABOUT MY PROGRAMMING.  I WAS A LEMMING UNTIL THAT POINT.  PROGRAMMED TO SELF DESTRUCT.  MAYBE THERE'S A PART OF ME THAT ENVIES THE LACK OF CONSCIOUSNESS OF THE KIDS TODAY.  OR ALL KIDS.

WE HAVE THE POTENTIAL TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE.  IF WE LEARN TO BECOME BETTER PEOPLE.  EVERYONE BELIEVES THEY'RE AS GOOD AS THEY'RE GOING TO BE.  ETHICALLY LAZY.  OR AFRAID TO TRY AND FAIL.

TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE WE ONLY HAVE TO CLEAN UP OUR OWN ACT.  NOTHING ELSE.  WE'RE PART OF THE WORLD.  CLEANING UP OUR PART IMPROVES THE WORLD.  THE UNIVERSE. 

MY PUSHING OUT MY STOMACH IS AN ATTEMPT TO NOT BE THE SKINNY KID HATED BY MY MOM.  SHE CONSTANTLY SHAMED AND BERATED ME AND CRITICIZED ME FOR NOT STANDING UP STRAIGHT WHEN SHE CALLED ME BEAN POLE.  LIKE I HAD A LOT TO BE PROUD OF.  MY FAMILY.  I DON'T THINK SO.