WAVERING

I WAS SO TIRED I WENT TO BED AT 8, ASLEEP BY 9 FINISHED READING PG WODEHOUSE.  AWOKE 2:30 P, WATCHED SHALLOW HAL.  FELL ASLEEP.  AWOKE 4:30 DREAM I WENT TO HOME SHOW W/KATHY READLER.  WATCHED MORE SHALLOW HAL.  IT CAME OUT 2001 AFTER MOM.  I WAS SO SICK THEN.  TAKING CARE OF DAD THEN MOM ALMOST KILLED ME.  PAST LIVES.

I GUESS I'M BETTER.  I HOPE I'M BETTER.  I WANT TO BE BETTER.

I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SF BUT FEEL I HAVE TO.  STAYCATION?

THE KNOWN FEELS SECURE EVEN WHEN IT'S CHAOS.  IT'S FAMILIAR.

IF CHAOS IS THE NORM PEACE IS UNBEARABLE.  I CAN GET USED TO THIS.

LUNCH MELTDOWN.  I TOOK THE BERRIES TO SHARE.  INGA, ROSEMARIE, GERTA GOT AND GAVE ME CHICKEN AND RICE SECONDS AND I FELT SO SUPPORTED I CRIED.  I JUST LOST IT.  THE OTHER TABLES LEFTOVERS WAS LIKE A RAVENOUS WOLF PACK.  THEY LOOK OUT FOR ME AND SAVE ME A PLACE.  GERTA INCLUDED ME WITH THE DEVILED EGGS SHE MADE.  

I'M TRULY BLESSED.  TYGJ.