I'M TRUSTING I'M GETTING BETTER. I'M TAKING BETTER CARE OF MYSELF. IT'S BEEN TOUGH CHANGING BEHAVIOR. UNCOMFORTABLE AND NOT AN APPARENT DIFFERENCE IN MY DAY TO DAY LIFE. INFINITESIMAL INCREMENTS OF IMPROVEMENT. I'M FEELING DEPRESSED I CAN'T DO THE YARD YET. I CAN'T RISK THE GAINS I'VE MADE.
THE PAIN IS STILL MOVING AROUND. THIS MORNING I WENT TO 24 HR FITNESS B4 LUNCH. THEN HOME. I PAID EVERYTHING FOR THIS MONTH. SHORT MONTH. IT'S FREEZING COLD. I CAN ADJUST MY LIFE FOR MY CONVENIENCE. I'M BUNDLED UP. MY BACK IS SPASMING. I FEEL LIKE A SPAZZ. IT FEELS SO WEIRD TO HAVE NO CONTROL OVER TWITCHY MUSCLES. NO WEIRDER I SUPPOSE THAN WHEN I WAS MUSCLE BOUND EXCEPT NOT MOVING WAS OK. MOVING ON IT'S OWN IS LIKE HAVING A GHOST IN MY MUSCLE. LIKE IT ISN'T MY BODY.
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