caught up in the drama i forgot to reopen page

yesterday i went to college safe way for 99 cent soup 8, bread 3.99, 4 cheese 1.99, free pizza.  

healing takes a lot of energy.  it's taken 20 years to remodel 50 years of scar tissue.  my bunion on left foot is healed.  my right is getting there.  the pain, tingling, throbbing is improving.  as muscles relax and heal old memories are released.  

my pelvis must have shattered muscles holding everything in place building scar tissue to reinforce area.  so now the scar tissue has to break down to repair and rebuild the area correctly.  

went seniors early

computed at fireplace desk waiting for locker room to clear.  9 am showered exercised charged and listened to chrome.  too slow, i went upstairs to use city computer.  loaded free seltzer water lucky's and free pizza safe way.  picked up lunch 11:30 talked to toke gave her my copy auntie's la ronde restaurant article from Hawaii.  she gave me fence replace lead.  i don't know if i want a fence unless it's cyclone i've always wanted.

i went to safe way bought 2 clearance shrimp zucchini noodle salads twice the price i expected wrong price tag and 6 oz rice crackers.  considered returning but i'm worth it.  drove to Sara- lucky's walked store only seltzer.  talked to self check clerk Cathy.  

i remembered i wanted to pay consumer cellular due tomorrow and drove to st just, no internet  reception.  no parking front main drove around to back paid bill and home.  1 pm ate lunch and second half b'fast sandwich egg jerky avocado and 5 oz rice crackers.  i put salad garlic butters (4) in cup for toast later.  

Saturday woke coughing runny nose with bug from Thursday gym-1 hot tub coughing man didn't cover his mouth.  i thought the chlorine would take care of it but no.  vitamin c all day i felt a little better.  b-fast i made egg avocado jerky sandwich ate half.  very filling.  

picking up fruit 9 am i found toke left p b cookies, pomegranate and returned restaurant article.  i cooked salads using half can of sauce for lunch and dinner.  4 pieces toast.  i made small shell pasta, 2 tuna, the second half tomato sauce and 4 oz sour cream for tomorrow.  

Sunday 4:30 am so pain filled.  woke feeling familiar childhood sadness anxiety.  reminiscing does that.  opening memories.  i still feel lethargic and recovering from bug.  still taking vitamin c.  b'fast i ate half pasta in lettuce wraps.  i don't like cooking especially b'fast.  lunch i had second half pasta with sour cream toast.  i'm eating what i have.  drinking my stockpile.  dinner i tried chunky chicken noodle soup.  not good.  i've never liked cooking starting at 8 yrs old never appreciated and being punished for screwing up.  

12:30 Cathy de Medio called from Hawaii to thank me for Halloween card and stickers.  so i know auntie got hers.  we had a lovely conversation catching up.  i envy her in senior housing.  no upkeep worries and surrounded by others in same boat.  telling her of weed abatement and broken water softener i forgot about the fence blowing down.  so much bad news.  too much.

at least tonight i have celebrity wheel of fortune.  puzzle #2-pumping iron at muscle beach.  strange phrase.  watching 'the far frontier' Roy Rogers channel 44.5 8-9:30.  exciting never seen before.  and 'f troop'.  

change of seasons

i made a great day and don't feel happy.  i followed my feelings.  a luxury ii wasn't allowed.  my feelings were suppressed repressed compressed.  seniors at 9 showered exercised computed.  in locker room good internet reception.  picked up lunch saw toke.  returned bookmobile city movies, picked up 'purple rain' decided i'd watch 'tho i don't like prince.  drove cup remembered pay utilities due.  ate a little mediocre lunch.

then occurred to me sunny vale hot tub.  so i went g-1 alien type woman told me to shower after i had  showered and washed hair i told her i did and ignored her.  soaked 20 minutes then home in time for 'love boat'.  finished my lunch.  

seems i should feel happy.  maybe i'm just tired.  i feel weird.  new feeling.

i get it.  i understand people trying to tell me what to do to make themselves feel important.  i don't have to listen to anyone anymore.  i don't have to hear them.   

pain and exhaustion

my back must be repairing itself.  i feel so tired.  i have to stretch every 6 hours from the pain.  50 years of scar tissue to remodel.  

i'm exhausted depressed-fence fell down high winds yesterday

yesterday noon i went out to pick up avocados and the fence had blown down covering the sidewalk.  i stressed.  i tried to lift it but couldn't like when mom died.  city was closed indigenous day so i tried fireman Jason.  he's been promoted to captain i talked to Nick.  he said he'd call around to find out what to do.  he called me back.  closest station closed so he arranged survey 2:30-3 drive by.  all i was concerned was clearing sidewalk.  Nick came 3:30 called for another engine.  we waited.  he's living next door to his parents in Saratoga with his daughter after his divorce.  3 guys 1 woman picked up put in yard stayed talking half hour gave them avocados guava.

so today i'm still processing.  the emotional component is the worst.  this house is all them.  every time something goes wrong with the house it's like they've died again.  

i'm clearing the energy for the next family.  it's what i do.

i let go and let god move through me.  i was in so much pain i couldn't stand it.  i didn't want to move.  i made my mind blank and relaxed.  i dressed went to seniors thinking i needed nicotine gum soon.  showered exercised computed late.  picked up lunch toke was later.  gave her avocados.  i used safe way expiring just 4 u coupons 5 Campbell soups, stag chili, 98 cent lettuce for $3.58.  feeling successful i went to Walmart paid pge bought gum.

home 1:30 i wasn't hungry but at gristly sweet sour pork before i had shakes like yesterday from stress low blood sugar.  4 pm i fell asleep for an hour.  staying on schedule i watched tv.   

coverage america can count on t-mobile wheel of fortune puzzle.

took yesterday off

i choose not to game today.  and who knows what i'll do tomorrow.  i went to gym-2 soaked and stretched in tub cooled in pool 10-11.  i went to sunny vale library to compute.  they may be open tomorrow.  no county.  stayed 'til 12:30 then home.

i put out garbage bin without back brace.  big mistake.  my back and stomach are messed up.  i feel depressed that my back will not heal.

Misty has become mom and Aileen is dad so they will never love me.  

celebrity wof-thousands and thousands of selfies, jumping jack Nicholson.  Jeff Garlinson is so funny.  

7:27 Jennifer Kline- 2 penny day

reminds me of mary-el treatments i received.  seniors i loaded lucky's free meatless 5 oz burrito.  

good lunch today.  turkey meatballs noodles peas vegs.  i used ranch dressing on peas so good.  found penny.  drove to Saratoga remembered i needed to pay Citibank.  atm wouldn't take $40 only $38 so i talked to manager no change without debit card even though Costco card has my picture.  she suggested i go to lucky's for change.  crazy.  found another penny.  i went to lucky's and talked to Cathy and she agreed with me.  she suggested i cancel the card but i need it for Costco.  home 12:30.  

i called toke thanked her for cherry pie and asked about her tax problems, she wants a new cpa.  i went through my papers for Rhonda Richards, Dunham & Watkins from 2002 and read through them again.  Alien claimed mom wrote checks two weeks after mom died.  does Alien believe her own lies?  scary.  i'm feeling upset.  Alien had Tom Ruschin declare Alien special executor.  so she could keep most the money and why Misty is taking her side, because of the money over $600,000.  Alien mailed copies of her kids taxes returns to me with a note end of march for two week notice of what she was reporting i was getting from the estate.  what a mess.  so even though i didn't have the cash i had to pay taxes, interest and penalties.  

i read through Susan Kanclier, Shawn Parr & associates paper work too.  harassment dragged on 'til 2008.