i'm focusing

i researched hour and half.  i'm more comfortable researching not acting, deciding.

occurred to me until i moved back i was pretty much ignored by family.  neglected.  as a child i was grateful to avoid the trauma and drama.  then i took care of them when my sisters refused.  refuse- to say no and refuse- garbage.

i asked for unity prayer help and traveled online to unity Hawaii.  how my life would be different raised in Hawaii.  i listened to love meditation 7 x for optimum benefits.  i still feel awful but better.  the more i listen the better i feel.  i'd be fine if i could listen all day.

i didn't sleep much.  i moved stuff away from the softener last night and this morning on top of sorting groceries and cooking and turning water on and off to wash and flush.  i'm doing better physically mentally emotionally spiritually.

checked home advisor.  3 references.  i returned mike counsil call.  on the ball.  set up appointment tu 24th 10-noon.  3 more days of this.  i called chandler plumbing can be out today 1-3.  quoted $1850 entire.   tried calling best bay plumbing answer machine no message.  called counsil cancelled appontment.

i did my college safeway, lucky's freebie home 1 pm just as 2 big white pick ups drove up.  i opened garage talked a bit and they started.  Gavin 10 yr experience went to home depot for everything while Mario 20 yr experience prepped lines and removed old softener.  done 4 pm.  cleaned up.  hauled away old.

Gavin stayed and i gave him 2 bags surplus groceries.  some orange apple.  discussing cactus fruit harvesting noticed concord grapes.  i got clippers and paper bag.  he hurt his back too.

and i now know every house issue returns me to the horror of the past 30 years.  the trauma drama.  the continuing disappointment with sisters and neighbors.

there's nothing wrong with me i'm human.