tonight pink full moon. closer to the earth than usual. end of month blues. haven't felt for awhile. my shoulder blades sore from hand stretches watching pain free lee albert. i'll look up libraries. only online. maybe that's what the gravity from the moon does, pulls out the pain. makes lunatics.
tail bone hurting sitting seniors. i feel like a wreck. i spent 10 minutes looking through bags for my pen when it was in my shirt pocket. i'm feeling so tired it hurts too. am i depressed? i've spent so much of my life numb i can't tell. i numbed out to avoid the pain of childhood. marriage to someone the combination of my family was excruciating. more deeper numbness. and the realization of what i've experienced is surfacing. it's a miracle i'm still alive. i'm re member ing. i'm reconnecting with myself. and i have so much pain locked in this body. the humiliation, degradation, torture of my childhood. i learned to numb out. i kept my heart protected, my sanity intact behind a wall. and i'm learning to live. my life is buried in pain, humiliation, degradation, torture.
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