WOKE WITH TERROR. NOTHING NEW. MY CHILDHOOD WAS ONE OF DREAD. I FELT SAFEST AWAY FROM HERE.
'IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE' WAS ON TV LAST NIGHT. I WENT TO BED SLEEPY TIRED.
I'M STILL GETTING USED TO LIVING MY OWN TIME UN REGIMENTED BY WHAT I THINK I NEED TO DO, WHEN TO GO. A NEW LEVEL OF FREEDOM. I DO WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT. I CAN'T WRAP MY MIND AROUND IT. I HAVE TO JUST BE WITH IT. I'VE LIVED MY LIFE ACCORDING TO THE DICTATES OF WHAT EVERYONE ELSE EXPECTED. IT GIVES ME THE SHIVERS. I'M IN BED WATCHING 'MOM' SHIVERING AND SHAKING OUT THE OLD ME. APPROPRIATE TO WATCH PEOPLE CHANGING, GROWING INTO NEW LIVES.
AFTER LUNCH AND HALF HOUR NAP I WATCHED THE EPISODE HER DAD DIES. AT LEAST HE WAS HAPPY. MY DAD MADE HIMSELF AND US MISERABLE. MARJORIE ASKED CHRISTY HOW SHE WAS DOING AND SHE SAYS SHE DOESN'T KNOW SHE HASN'T HAD TIME AND I STARTED CRYING. I NEVER HAD TIME AND NO ONE EVER ASKED.
I WENT G2 2;30 IN THE RAIN. I CHECKED $TORE FOR CHRISTMAS PRESENTS ZERO AND CAME HOME 4;40 BEFORE DARK.
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