bingo exercise

my back is sore in a used way.  not feeling injured just fatigued.  I soaked, biked, stretched so by 1 pm I was tired.  home 2:30.  I napped watching TV.  

muscles unbound

I soaked, biked, stretched 2 1/2 hours.  

I located cover for CD.  I wasn't sure where I put it.  I put it in my glove compartment.  I want to keep it in chrome case.  

I can't believe it's Tuesday.  I'm freaking out.  mom's b'day and death day are here.  maybe Walter's OK.  he's had the benefit of my counseling I've had no one.  

I soaked stretched biked

my new regimen.  2 1/2 hours of fitness.  if I want to be pain free.  4 hours optimum condition Radio Av.  

3 pm after my games I went to Nob Hill and bought 4 blueberry almonds, 2 Mac, 2 meat, salad mix, chocolate drink I wanted, 4 Tina mini burritos.  

oohh, the chocolate drink is delicious.  I've been wanting chocolate soda.  I ate a green and brown burrito.  I had my beet and gummy.  

5-6 pm Idiot Test making my brain elastic.  

lunch I told Walter about the Gut Health book.  only about 5 pages of info and the rest repetition and case studies.  we all had sandwiches and relaxed.  I got a plate of leftover veg pasta glad I ordered a sandwich.   

I love that I don't have to watch Wheel unless I want.  

Seabiscuit 2003-baby hummingbird gone

I missed it due to my fibroid tumor exploratory surgery.  dealing with the sisters criticizing and ambushing me.  threatening physically violent eviction.  then vowing to help me move.  CRAZY.  GOD knows I still feel brutalized.  I feel trampled by my sisters.  

I've denied my feelings avoiding thinking and feeling the constant pain embarrassment humiliation purposely created from my family.  I can't pretend anymore.  I'm forced to feel it.  

they made me the enemy to form them into a cohesive unit.  the same old blame game Trump and Hitler used to manipulate support to their causes to rally the troops.  fabricate a common enemy.  it works because of pack mentality, simple biology.  always has, always will.  

4 pm I put out trash bin and replaced the liner.  10 minutes outside I forgot to wipe off pollen =sinus headache.  5-7 pm Idiot Test.

I'll watch Tolkien 'War of the Rohhirim.'  

I'm feeling a little clearer.  

I soaked and biked seniors (Mike's memorial)

I had no idea what I was going to do.  I brought in the lb of dried pinto beans and found 7 magazines to read on the bike.  I wore my mom's butterfly wings pin and moonstone bracelet.  

ugh 11:30 I feel sick like it's Aug 26 my anniversary.  waves of dread.  

drove to Legion debating where to park and Gloria showed up.  she spotted Toki who parked next to me.  we went in together it was OK.  I started to cry and composed myself.  they had a beautiful display of pictures of friends and family on vacations, a full life.  and a memento of a bottle opener just like Mike.  Party on.  lunch was by Gunther's restaurant on Meridian Av.  excellent BBQ Mike's favorite.  the music of our lives played in the background truly a celebration of life.  

at 2 I went to pick up holds at central and puzzled 'til closing at 4.  I remembered I wanted chicken nuggets from $ tree and batteries.  home for Idiot Test at 5.  I feel supported and nurtured for the first time in my life.  

it's raining in my heart

and today.  I picked up free 64 oz cucumber lime and bought strawberry hibiscus $2.50.  drove to remodeling Walmart a mess to pay PGE.  fewer OTC available.  my anthem card wouldn't work for beets so I called Felicia customer service.  she's checking and I can go to CVS, Walgreen, Safeway, Rite Aid.  it wasn't me it was the account.  habituated I'm so quick to self judge and criticize.  I'm recognizing and forgiving.   

I get to seniors and yesterday Mall let a woman take home a puzzle who chose Van Gogh.  left crap on the table.  I don't have to touch it.  I remembered Jodi's avocado perfectly ripe I shared with Fred and Toki.  left overs so minimal and not good.  Walter sat with Teresa I came home early.  hurray!  off the hook.

and Cup open 'til 9 I can take my time.  or tomorrow.  my shows preempted by NFL draft.  

I love my game shows more than sleep.  my peeps too.  Fred and Toki are just as anxious as I am about Mike's memorial tomorrow.  Whew!  makes me feel less wimpy.

bliss

I do what I prefer when I prefer.

I'm noticing so much more.  as if I wore blinders before.  my autism. 

10 am I put my suit and towel in car Cody and bookmobile hooray!  car was covered in sycamore pollen I brushed it off and it kept dusting the car.  I fell asleep twice watching Idiot Test and woke refreshed. 

I drove to Sunny 6 pm Sprouts then library.  I considered Cup but found an interesting puzzle stayed 'til 9 closing.