I showered at 8 after rescuing a blue Xfinity shopping bag and 2 cans in the senior parking lot. much needed soak in the tub I stopped at Sprouts unsure about lunch. I walked store $6 sack lunch. St J box of bakery onion bagels and garlic french bread, and weekend.
I was hungry ate both chips 1 sand granola bar. I forgot the food art wine fest today. I was trepidatious about parking. half the cars are not library patrons.
after lunch Asian and white woman helped demonstrate ignoring vampires and why adults interrupting like a 2 yr old is distracting not cute or friendly and a waste of energy. he's me 40 years ago.
what do I want for dinner? I deserve the best.
I bought 4 tacos $4 at Jack in the Box with Fred's lettuce and lunch peaches and avocado delicious nutritious.
light was flashing for cleaner and I need potassium salt.
I was passively avoiding Walter still stuck in Teresa mode. lunch he chose to sit with the complainers then after he sought me out to dump and I told him point blank I can't continue his choice of immature avoidance and blame. he doesn't take any responsibility for his life and I have to save myself and cut him off. uncomfortable and necessary.
I decided to go to home Depot to order and entering the store customer service had a long line. desk manager asked if I needed help I told him I wanted 3 cleaners and 40 lb potassium salt delivered. he had available clerk write me up in and out 10 minutes while returns waited. same day free delivery 4 pm. WOW!
I arrived before 9 and rummaged in my car consolidating lunch boxes.
I showered @ 24 used the internet for sweeps and to update blogs.
I had no idea what I wanted to do. I like one step at a time. following spirit like the pioneers. I bring my pillow and sit watching and listening. very relaxing. I even enjoy old Frank Sinatra. 30's 40's music when he was young. maybe when he was still innocent. before he became a big liar and cheat. I can't tolerate liars and cheats unless they're family.
I walked Target no 18" wipers. doesn't look adjustable. sprinkling reminded me. feels like God kisses.
I looked online Goodyear sent me to O'Reilly who installed $10 wiper for me. 5 minutes. 50% chance of rain tomorrow.
sans hot spot. and it worked today. I finished "bon appetite" puzzle. senior shower and tub perfection. nice chat with Laura. John needs pet scan.
well played. lunch was OK Fred, Toke, Walter. he's still choosing problems. he chooses to call complaining conversation while I know he's just programming his autopilot for more problems. he chose to sit with Teresa of like mind. I've noticed they want someone to rescue them. good luck.
I decided to pick up Cup today good call tomorrow big Apple event flashing signs portending traffic delays. library upstairs very quiet. I focused on perfect shady spots driving over and voila!
and now I'm charging my phone down to 10%. back up phone 99% has 3 emails I can't access.
I guess it's just mindless entertainment. when they disagree there's no physical violence or threats of murder or maiming. so nothing like my childhood.
I guess most people have a calm simple home. huh.
I decided to park in the sun #1 space at Sunny half hour early. one thing the heat soothes my arthritis. only supposed to climb to 81 degrees. of course hotter in sun.
I've eaten 2 of 4 ripe bananas. I put them in a recycled plastic box. it's like solid pudding. I'm hoping the potassium will calm me down. I'm eating the good bits. some is bruised. goes well with Cheez-It crackers. I've never eaten so much banana before. an experiment.
I remembered I wanted to fill gas and went 8:30. drove in drove out. I checked gas prices online. same both locations.
I ate St Just sandwich + tomato slice for b'fast. I started watching "Wings" TV I don't get its popularity.
24 was good. lovely cool overcast from fires pollution.
I love cutting off the crust and adding fresh veg.
watching "finding your roots" I realize I was merely property to my parents. my rich auntie wanted to adopt me providing me with a better life that mom and dad couldn't accept. and so began their life of toil.
Newton's law of equal and opposite reaction is basically karma. what goes around comes around. "judge not lest ye be judged" warns of self condemnation. my family taught negative values and the results of that thinking and acting. makes me sad it's so simple. they couldn't accept that either.
refreshing shower at 24 then lunch at Sunny 9:30 I'm 4th to last. everyone likes meatloaf and mash. and the enthusiastic dancers. music must start at 9 when they open. it's from 1930s-40s. not our era but classic. the universal language. I'm playing with the menu I downloaded. imagine me downloading.
I love reading my blog. I can see what I've done and the changes I've made.
5:30 pm I'm feeling unreasonably angry today dad's death day. OK I'm angry Mitzi hypocrite crying to me when I warned her to leave him be. so I'm moving to burn off the chemicals. when mom was mad was the only time she cleaned.
he's anxious. I'm done reminding him his body remembers his dad dying October. I don't want to cut him off but I may have to save myself. he does his body a disservice. lack of respect. like the planet the body has a tipping point of no re creation. I cannot witness another train wreck.
I don't know how to engage auto update. sometimes it comes on not today.
and tomorrow I have lunch in Sunnyvale.
I stopped at Chase withdrew, Merriwest deposit, walked Sprouts 3-25 mg CBD $3 ea I thought long and hard bought with 2 goat cheese/$5. then a lovely lunch with Fred and Walter.
I like taking my time. I made ramen added salad and amino and chili. yesterday I made chili burritos. I still have cooked meat 10/14. I am blessed.
I went to 24 showered then Walmart I paid PGE and bought low salt chips for taste test $1.50. sometimes the oil quality isn't worth it. I walked Prune Lucky's nothing. I picked up senior to go lunch then I thought I went to St Just bag lunch. new behavior.
I'm feeling BOING!!
movies and TV gave me a vacation from my nightmare life. I wouldn't have survived without them. I had no one I could trust.
my body and soul are releasing dad's last month and week of his death. I release his pain and suffering. 26 years of his stored pain.
I decided to shower and run. the new me takes breaks. I paid Citibank and decided I can do more when cooler this week. another self compassion. 88 projected so more likely 90 degrees. 60% humidity.
I've enjoyed his movies and now I understand the spiritual connection. "The Chosen One" has suicide, alcoholism, Mutant Message Down Under, Black Elk Speaks, etc. the same warning the last over 40 years that we're burning up the planet. we're killing mother earth. it didn't get accepted because it doesn't fit a category. it can't be easily pigeon-holed and discarded. so it was ignored and forgotten since 2010. I found it by accident.
human nature kills what it doesn't understand.
are interesting as a representation of general interest. I like to know the trend. watching 'mission impossible' I understand kids riding atop trains dying and being crippled. they think they're Tom Cruise. no consequences watching a movie.
doing what I want when I want is still new and scary. a lifetime of training being rewritten. the abuse taught me caution.
what a terrifying morning. car was wet underneath hopefully condensation and left front brake making a funny noise when all the way down. light is OK so it may be dirt on the disc. I'm hoping. I'll keep phone charged 73% since yesterday if I need AAA. CARLOS CLOSED WEEKEND.
I woke 8 am after a restless night ate leftovers 5. 8:30 I showered and soaked half hour. I forgot Gloria told me no St Just and drove back to Sprouts. nothing looked good I bought a meat stick $2.50, prepped watermelon and mixed berries $3+3. on the way back to library I stopped at an estate sale $20 for spider + web pin I passed on and bought $5 spoons and sewing kit. 2346 Kay Dr. A beautiful house.
if I hadn't forgotten St Just closed I would have missed the sale.
I finally looked at mail. car insurance OK. I started new Lego puzzle. FUN FUN, SILLY WILLY. I make it look so good everyone wants to play. Jane chased me down from under parking to complain of visa difficulty.
I found quiet empty copy room.
puzzling helps my back. the subject doesn't matter. the colors and lines must be interesting.
every day is a new opportunity.
wow phone down to 4%.
I'm loving the Sprouts pineapple pork stick. the plain uncured not so much. my morning protein.
'quilt cupboard' took 1 week. since seniors is closed next week I picked 300 fun puzzle for today and tomorrow. 65 edge PCs. "bon appetite" Susan donated it and served at the BBQ. Fred gave me Debi's ticket. she declined. lunch was tough chicken and mediocre pasta. Fred said Melvin got sick after yesterday's frozen green beans onion veg. I stopped eating it too much raw onion. and frozen blue lake beans.
oh, what to do. 4 pm I puzzled 2 hours until annoying "HA!" man showed up. he has to tap the piece and proclaim like it will escape otherwise. I organize the pieces so it's totally easy.
"with all thy getting, get thee..." my tum is upset must be more fires.
I decided on tub jet massage and Sunnyvale lunch pick up and library. I love people watching. 10 am plenty of people to see. most people seem to enjoy the social aspect. it's very noisy and I don't feel judged here like at Santa Clara. Emma told me Russell is the 7 dwarf man. she gave him the cantaloupe and milk. and I can put my feet up.
I'm feeling like a pre verbal baby.
I'm taking tomorrow for me. no plan.
I googled Bates Vision Improvement. I can print eye charts.
waking up with my sinuses blocked. made ramen added can tuna for b'fast. the sweets I ate didn't help. worth it.
lovely cool 63 degree overcast weather.
9:50 am sitting waiting outside Cup library to return and pick up in space #1. I'm wearing my mint green ruffle tank and white cotton tiered maxi skirt I found in storage. and I found pink green gym bag.
I let Spirit lead me to Target wiper blades too big. I paid card. on to Gym 2 and Safeway. I bought cornbread no kernels I'm disappointed and cupcakes and chips.
I woke and made ramen with carnitas (tastes so good, bad for sugar), and just enough for a mini burrito I dressed and ate with TV news. I parked seniors #3 spot. I puzzled 'til 9:30 entering my sweeps then showered and stretched deciding no pool.
I picked up St Just lunch and weekend bag. Gloria avoiding me reminds me of Tom hiding and peeking at me.
I puzzled the 'fairyland' for an hour in blissful peace. when another puzzler came I'm taking a break.
I woke 6:30 and got dressed, put my supplements in a container and seniors 7:23 am I got #4 parking spot.
Lee is having a hissy fit. I got here and staked my spot two hours ago. 3 pm he's harassing the upstairs librarians. better them than me. it's a show he's put on at senior lunch a couple times. I wonder if he's still in Hilde's good graces. as the female librarian was passing I mentioned to her he's picked fights with different people a couple times at senior lunch and maybe it's a blood sugar thing like my diabetic parents. she said he complained I was sitting in his spot and some of his things are missing and wanted to call the police. oh, well like dad said I caused his cancer when I moved home to take care of them. and dad's 9/5 coming up. august was the sisters' month of hell. crazy is as crazy does.
HEAVEN. they called the police to interview him. so he's on record. he's my dad. he brought the officer over saying I was in his spot. swear to God dad died 9/5 26 years ago.
always at night resting I didn't recall the bill. so I started at 6 am general housekeeping, fetching water, rinsing off the car and found it next to my TV chair was due the 18th. Augh!! Discover due!
I don't know how to do any of the icons that show up on my desk. I have a link to the Sunny menus. how I got it I don't know it just added itself.
computer room is deliciously cold. I finished the 'Winnie the Pooh' puzzle.
no Cody today. I plan on library. I'm resting, relaxing every muscle.
Inge had coconut crispy rollers. I ate half a dozen. little sticks. Costco and Walmart.
lunch was bad, company was good. I prefer ramen.
sitting at the library Lee in my spot I finally figured he's jealous. he made a big show of treating Toke for awhile. like a mad cat. makes me laugh. I'm sitting in the kid's section. when I sat down 10 minutes ago I was the only one and now it's full. and 2 restrooms are right here. I thought there was better I was missing.
I read the tofu book for ideas.
I'm hoping to be better than before. after dad died I was on mom suicide watch. and after she died sisters trying to evict me and estate tax shenanigans consumed my energy.
3 pm heavenly resting in the cool library. Toke encouraged me to stay cool. new Disney stamps puzzle. two frantic alien girls were harshing my mellow so I walked the library. they're gone and I'm resting and puzzling. burning calories.
so many unsupervised emotional orphans left on their own by selfish immature parent/children while the parents play at the library.
dinner last night. better still sore. I finished puzzle so satisfying. it calms me or maybe gives my soul a chance to catch up. "Mutant Message Down Under".
soaked away my aches and pains. sat with Bonny Judy and remembered chamomile. there were 3 Beatle CDs at the library I hope she bought. I pondered Rubber Soul, Revolver and compilation. $2 ea I already have so many I don't listen to.
I came back to the library, gone today so they weren't mine. Lee sitting in my spot sleeping. such a weird little man. did he expect me to pay him for the food I never asked for? puzzle orphans here being neglected and ignored while she and annoying east Indian man frantically add pieces. makes me glad I didn't have kids to neglect and abuse.
I filled water bottles, donated Dean Edell glasses, reworked garment bag to re purpose strap and mend mesh.
nice Indian man helped me relocate since Lee was in my spot. I hung out 'til 6.
for muscle cramping to subside. torture. I wasn't hungry didn't eat anything. huge mistake.
I ate a little weird lunch. pork loin sour cream, roasted tomatoes and green beans. stomach muscles are still sore.
rested central library. 20 minutes to tidy Mythical world puzzle. I put together half before the know it all's showed up. begging for attention. at some point I want to ask if they try to drive people away. pointless attention grabbing behavior when adding one piece.
left 4:30 found $1.40 in copy machine. laundry money. finished lunch at home.
nice not being obsessive.
dad's last month alive was torture for mom dad and me. my sisters manipulated and constantly harassed us. my body has the freedom to process the physical, emotional record of pain. post traumatic stress. the body stores the energy for survival, self protection.
9:30 my back is screaming like my sisters. 10 am the "Millers". a dysfunctional family without the physical/emotional abuse. I need to laugh. I was watching "the Thief of Baghdad" and the second disc is all about Hitler, WW 2 and the British mobilization. and I turn on the TV to take a break and "last Man Standing" has a WW 2 reference.
massage is part of my heaven. simple easy way to enhance circulation.
OK still closed. open Friday when pools closed. closed today though running. so I puzzled. someone sideswiped me senior when parked. like when I lost hubcap.
I saw Gloria at St Just. Sandy gave me weekend bag and 3 avocados. lady gave me broccoli top.
Sunnyvale hot spot ready. oh, and summer reading book coupon.
I feel so comfortable parked underground central. copy printer I found a dime=uncle saying hi. the twin girls were here with their dad puzzling power puff girls fixed his hair with bow clips. their mom showed up later very frazzled. they all needed to eat and calm down. smarty pants asian librarian asked if I was putting together the border of mythical world map. I forgot my glasses and managed. I amazed myself.
I might feel tired and sleepy from eye strain.
planning what comes next. failing to plan is planning to fail. I think I made that up. it came to me. thank you Walter for reminding me of my past but one step removed. I can see it I don't have to be it.
I think Google wants to connect "link" me to other blogs. nah.
I'm enjoying the m c escher "reptiles" puzzle. appeals to simple drafting style and looks like baby dragons.
I added left over ravioli sauce 2 T. to garlic parmesan sourdough bread toaster oven it's better than new. and ground oregano for umami.
I watched game show, became bored. washed 1 load $4.25. very humid.
very good. I came home watched my show and took my time hanging the wash.
for b'fast and pumpkin for dessert. just what I wanted. I cold brewed hazelnut coffee added vanilla protein shake to taste. 30 mg protein filled me up. lunch OK. Fred, Toke early. Walter sat next to Diana again. she called him her friend. he hung back so I had to open the exit door for him. huh.
I considered recycle and laundry. no rush always tomorrow.
being ready early I remembered time to feed car. and so easy. 6:45 no traffic. probably helps 95050 opens 5 am. gave Inge 2 magazines while she waits with Sue.
lunch egg omelet OK. I was aware and I got only egg. I sat with Bonny and Judy, Fred, Walter and finally Toke. I mentioned powdered eggs and Diana wouldn't eat it. she sat at our table to avoid Gil who sat next to her at Inge's table. I stayed alert and got the only extra egg.
I picked up from the library. I've never seen it in totality.
and "A week With Marilyn". she worked so hard to become who she was. no one ever appreciated she was self made.
gym shower 10:30 choice of 2 shady parking spots. I drove the back way to $ tree 5 bought fish oil and 1 zinc, basil pesto. then I drove around the block to Gym 2 Safeway bought 5 soups for 2. dropped off book and movies at library went to Sprouts pumpkin pie and tag remover. Nob Hill salad mix, frozen orange chicken and lo mein. cooked it when I got home for lunch and dinner.
very hot and sweaty. stopped $ tree Toke gossip closing next year. such a mess so much resentment I can understand it's too much. no fish oil, I bought overpriced chips, black elastic hair bands, 1 mouthwash.
St just lunch balances out. Charity and Sandy. sweet muffin making me sleepy. library Hindu puzzler so annoying an exercise in whatever. no rhyme or reason. bookstore I bought "Second Hand Lions", Queen Latifah as Taxi driver, Sgt Pepper CD. Happy FUN FUN SILLY WILLY!! my new holiday.
I started M C Escher puzzle. I suppose I could pencil draw. my eggs in hat I did Ohlone college drawing class came out good and I did bring home the orphan frame from seniors. I'll let it simmer.
"Common Knowledge" TV show 10-12 almonds=1 aspirin.
5 water bottles. I drove half a mile and I forgot my brace went back home. that's how my day started. I finished the Van Gogh puzzle.
Walter got me an extra food plate Hilde denied me a plate giving me veg instead. Walter was upset she be crazy. I told him she's like that. sometimes she seeks me out sometimes she denies me. she be crazy.
I just realized mom said TV dinners were too expensive when she went to lunch every day when working in Mountain View Fairchild and dinner with co-workers every Friday raving about Mexican food so dad hated it before trying it. explains why jealous dad hated it.
Master Mind question Patterson ranch site of first Renaissance Faire. it was hot dirty parking in plowed fields. I was taking college Shakespeare.
I'm having terrible two's. I don't want to do anything. when we learn to say no unless it's beaten out. I'm playing my puzzle.
lunch OK Fred and Walter early, Toke. I filled my shampoo bottles and went to Target Chase. Arlene explained ATM may have run out of specific bills for withdrawal. used my card easy peasy. made deposit Merriwest and walked Sprouts found clearance 3 $4 black sesame seeds and 5 $1.30 CBD soda.
remembered I needed fish oil I detoured to $tree none I bought 2 reading glasses and 2 chick fries dinners.
home I put everything away. I did too much, my back hurt so bad it made my stomach hurt too.
David helped me with phoning customer service I didn't have my phone or glasses. Vidan on phone checked my account couldn't help suggested not enough cash in ATM. I have to go to teller branch with ID. tomorrow. I'm tired of jumping through hoops.
I checked Cal PERS site may be time to change DD. CU 3 branches now. when I opened account only Sunny.
Yippee! I don't have to do laundry. there's always tomorrow.
ooooo, I have pumpkin pie. chicken mole lunch not very good.
I've made a hundred small changes in my life. my TV reception went out so I turned it off to reboot. it worked.
I was too busy working to pay my bills and on suicide watch with mom after dad died and the sisters were pulling their manipulations. I was on overload. I'm letting go of their hate for me. so much discomfort and pain it's a miracle my sanity is intact. or is it. maybe why people seem so stupid.
lunch was OK. I started a new Van Gogh puzzle. takes me away from my misery.
the gummy helps a lot.
my day started parked in shade Citibank wouldn't take $40 on 38. too much message I had to get $38. shade Cup Safeway 3 chips and free dip, orange cream cokes. 9:48 library 20 minute zone in shade picked up 9 movies. pondered what I wanted to do I drove to Sunny gym 2 feeling hot and sweaty. parked in shade Safeway 2/$1 chips, orange Hostess cupcakes 2/$1.25, clearance sourdough round loaf garlic Parmesan. put everything in car and showered pool full of so cute little ones swim school. across ECR I parked in the shade shade and walked Sprouts clearance pumpkin pie $4.69.
my body is processing the anxiety stored from the constant harassment of my sisters. they manipulated our parents' deaths and I was unable to protect them from themselves. dad's 9/5 death the summer of torture. they believed my sisters' machinations. they chose to believe lies over the truth. It still pains and upsets me. my post nasal drip causing my upset stomach. my anxiety seeking a reason focusing on bills and details. I'm feeling a lot of emotional pain. I used to feel like crying now I know why.
listening to healing music helps, reminds me to breathe.
I've experienced Hell I know Heaven is real.
9 am $tree I bought 5 brown rice+quinoa. on to Safeway since too early for banking 2 clearance relaxing gummy clerk adjusted BOGO paid for 1 message on receipt. (so lost $13 on Lucky's frozen rewards account.) $20 dollar change blew under car. lot had emptied I re parked the car and retrieved the bill. WEIRD.
10 am waited for St Just relaxing. Charity working inside Sandy processing. lunch and weekend bag.
this morning I decided I'm working for God full time. so at 6:36 am I drove to Mission PO and dropped off my insurance. the drive through is out of commission still. I drove past the defunct laundry and scoped out the area.
I finished the Disney puzzle 8:15 am. I read the 2 anatomy books, printed phone pages. shared them with Fred. I got ideas for stretches.
I was planning on making a book cover carrier when I realized all the fabric bags I customized already will do nicely. and I figured out the drawstring bag I don't like because it's too long I'm shortening.
lunch was OK and I bought a roast beef bag lunch for $5 bingo coupon only 4 items. Toke gave me most of her mash. Gloria was there
I watched Lingo and no longer care for Idiot test. subject to change.
I took a 2 hour nap. luxury.
I'm driving up the mountain, a long line of vars and trucks when we hit a patch of unpaved highway. a fool guns it spinning rocks and dirt, we hang back 'til the dust clears and proceed with caution. I can continue or find another road.
I may be releasing my attachments to life. one less responsibility.
I went to Consumer Cell website down.
listening to Kelly Howell Super Learning I feel peace. I so enjoy the Disney puzzle. I soaked in the tub at 10. it's so nice to have Bonnie and Judy back at lunch. Toke came early and left early. she feels obligated. Fred was late and sat next to Bonnie. everybody likes sitting next to me. I think it's the music.
I'm still considering if I want email.
chase sent a letter about requiring two step security. hopefully it's for online not in branch. maybe I'll call tomorrow maybe I won't. HAH!
I feel pretty good on 5 hours sleep. I'm excited I don't know why. don't need to know. although I did buy a copy of Course in Miracles 2007 for $5 at Sunny yesterday. my copy from 1985.
and the Lucky's page is frozen.
I called Consumer cell @1030 am and texting is extra $5/mo I said I'd think about it. I started looking at how to text in manual 2021 Link II flip phone online website. not too complicated. I think. I'll print pages tomorrow.
Wheel is fine, YouTube.
I found copy of 3 in 1 Course in Miracles for $5 Sunny I returned hot spot. 1985 3 books $40.
they want me to pay for help support. I don't have texting so I can't retrieve a code. I'll deal with it tomorrow. maybe I don't need email.
chrome went dark mode I changed it in settings. I did it.
it's been years. it kept me alive 2001 when I couldn't digest regular food. then I advanced to chili and rice after much experimentation and pain. today I added eggs and spinach and minerals.
I don't feel like doing anything. I don't want to rest or do laundry. I know what I don't want to do.
baking soda+sugar = no cockroaches on 'common knowledge'.
I heated the $1.25 tuna Mac from $tree for b'fast. OK. I'm feeling depressed again. I'm feeling lonely. I've spent my life alone amidst people. they imprisoned me with their cruelty and isolation. that's how I was trained. I've been retraining myself. I feel sad and painful. my body pain is my family history. it's a record of the pain, physical and emotional abuse I've suffered. family pressure to perform for them. Toke too.
I went to Walmart paid PGE and picked up beets and Co Q. Prune Lucky's had lots of free hot sauce I loaded $ and it took my $. The lesson is to load it in store. new set up Walmart and Lucky's. no clearance sections.
Home Safeway I bought 24 max 10 cent ramen, clearance dark chock almond $4 and relaxing gummy $12. then pick up St Just lunch and library hot spot.
group of 5 young people maybe 20's came to puzzle table no clue how to solve and frantic no esteem. the beard and long hair forgot his bag of movies came back as I was about to leave saved me from tracking them down.
I completely forgot my yesterday lunch salad. hot chili garbanzo spinach.
I've been waiting and checking everyday. I printed & gave Toke a copy.
Lucky's free hot sauce none I can check Prune since I want to get gummy Co Q 10 and beets at Walmart. maybe tomorrow.
I went to Safeway 10 cent ramen gone I got chips. home 1:10 for my TV. last night I watched Diane Warren documentary her Aspergers made me laugh and cry.
I put a battery in the Target clock and put it back in the box for protection. works great. it's the first new clock not a second hand store.
waiting for teeth cleaning at 2 pm.
I'm feeling depressed and I'm aware. I want this over with. half an hour to clean and polish. Whew!
I went to Target looking for wiper blades none I bought a battery wall clock.
wonderful easy puzzle too. I feel guilty. I feel so comfortable and pleasant. mom made my life hell to feel better about her life rather than change or improve herself. cruelty is easier for some. makes me feel sick.
I love arriving early and relaxing. I didn't get this from my parents who traditionally arrived early, fought and immediately returned home. if it wasn't so sad it'd be funny. comically tragic.
new menus yesterday. Sunny not yet. for my anniversary I want something special.
I considered pizza but the college store doesn't stock Hawaiian. and I got a left over weird tasting lunch.
I bought things I need and must have. Garage back door unlocked. not me.
I puzzled, left 25 green pieces.
lunch was me and Toke. Walter picked up his salad and went home to wait for his yearly apt inspection. still no Fred. I had extra tamale pie.
I've been so depressed for so many years. I can see results with Walter. he makes up for Eric.
I used stair climber tote and practiced folding it up. I brought in 2 loads of water. I used shopping therapy to get me by.
every change is a death of the past. acknowledging is respect.
Gym 2 - 150 ECR 94087, back end cap ethnic aisle 18 has Lilikoi Kombucha $5. I found the frozen roasted sweet corn and Hawaiian pizza.
I drove to Homestead, Cup, looking for freebie too late. bought orange cream coke uncommonly delicious, cornbread, mini chips 2/$1, frozen sweet grilled corn, Hawaiian pizza. home 4:15 cooked pizza ate for lunch dinner. added oregano.
Bonnie was at St Just her mom Judy in hospital high blood pressure.
my achy, breaky body. it's been a challenge re-habing my body. every day a little bit.
@ Lucky's I picked up free Culture Pop prebiotic soda and bought 2 clearance salads $2 ea, almond croissants, tortilla chips 2/$3. came home to put groceries away. seniors 7:30 am.
my hot spot is ready to pick up by 26th, Sunny due back 27th. Yay!! 'Igor' pick up by 25th county.
Walter chose to have lunch with big Gloria. so good to socialize.
I stopped at a garage sale Fordham afraid I'd see some Aiko stole. I'm OK. Clear. home 12:45.
intrusive memories of mom burning me. when I was maybe 8 one of the grandparents died and she suddenly became religious. she set up a Shinto alter and used me to expiate everyone's sins by putting incense on my hand and lighting it in some ritual. if I moved or made a sound she's start all over. I learned to detach to survive earning her labeling me inhuman when she was the monster.
so when Walter suffers I understand. that's what hurts me regarding Eric's tragic death. the torture he suffered as a child continued til it killed him.
I have such a stress headache from my neck.
I'm so relaxed. I started new puzzle someone set out. one we did years ago. like an old friend.
watching commercials about homeless kids reminds me of how terrified I was to sleep. I had a toy derringer I slept with under my pillow. I was systematically terrorized. mom would scream and slap me as a joke. and I'm still terrorized. my sister would lie in wait to ambush me. Mitzi did it to her kids too.
cars are the downfall of civilization. pollutes the planet, encourages obesity, false sense of superiority. we can't live without them.
pretty perfect. Toke was very late. Melvin reminded me Fred and Debbie drove to visit family up north. the fish was OK. dinner was lunch corn I added to cooked rice and 2 eggs. Walter sat next table new friends. I'm so proud of him.
I am content. I have canned food and lots of chips.
and city and county have 'Igor' again.
I started cleaning up my major depression. for the last 8 years I haven't done anything. let everything lay where it fell. I retrieved the bracelet hiding from me from 2 weeks ago. my motivation.
'Millers' is so funny. lol. a wonderfully dysfunctional vengeful family not genetically connected to me. ha ha.
I just do the best I can. I'm having electrical problems with the battery clock and slow internet. my Safeway pages assume I'm a bot.
I tried the Sunnyvale Dell chrome same problem with Safeway pages. maybe due to Saturday freebie. and I bless my Sunny Dell book ordeal. I looked for my blog and couldn't find it on Google. I had to go to blogspot.
my back is demanding new behavior. I never knew relaxation or freedom or peace. my back forced me to leave my family behind or die. mom always complained she never had nice things when she destroyed them.
Diabetes is all about not deserving the sweetness of life. Diabetes = too much sweetness = death. Diabetes and cancer feed off anger.
watermelon passion fruit.
Good Vibes. I feel good, do do do do do do do. Aveeno wash makes me so smooth.
1 pm no phone coverage must be sun storms. chrome weird jumping weird.
I filled the tank @ Costco 50 after checking prices yesterday. same both locations. so much easier to drive.
I'm paying more attention to everything or practicing. I'm learning to take everything slowly. I took pride in my speed.
WHEW!! Chromebook is safe. The hold is filled and Cody brought my request and sent back the county movie. I was resigned.
like babies before next step. I didn't sleep 'til after midnight. could be the amount I did leading to restless back without discomfort.
I may have to turn the chrome in 75 copies at central 36 hot spots . 36 chrome and 61 hot spots at Sunny. amazing.
came home to rest. wisdom. weirdness continues. 'Community' listed as season 1 is actually 6th final season.
my lifelong anxiety has run my life. and I dropped the strawberries and didn't react. I can make more. I used squeegee to clean it up easy.
Toke had a shiner she said she fell in the house. that's why I don't walk to Nob hill. I'm unsteady since the car incident.
so far so good. after seniors I drove to Cupertino library to renew my card and remembered Star 1 deposit. I'm feeling anxious. I've always felt anxiety just suppressed my feelings. I realized at Cup I returned a movie to Cody.
driving home I stopped America's Tires for air check only 2 lbs ea. woo hoo. another onerous responsibility.
ate Sprouts bear claw so superior to Lucky's I can't eat anymore. I tried the lasagna soup too spicy.
never entered my mind yesterday. I needed glucosamine bought 12 $anta Clara and white board and cheese puffs. I forgot St Justin no lunch came home tired. I ate entire cheese puffs. good for my soul.
and today I was 'don't think just do' so showered at 24 and 10:30 hungry here I am waiting on Sunny open 1 pm. I knew yesterday I had a spot but I wanted to stay home. life is so easy in the flow.
BK has wi-fi and crispy tacos. so good. my reward for paying Citibank and City's weird zero balance when the bill says $177.28 due in 2 days.
I've been here Sunny an hour feels like 5.
3:13 playing on Hindu puzzle man trashed it- time for something different.
free Safeway drink I planned on Maria last second detoured to Gym 2 bought my 2 get 3 free chips and coupon free dip. The checker gave me free drink only certain flavors. Sprouts clearance half peach pie, almond bear claws, stevia.
parked at 24 good because of holiday I walked store for sale almond croissants, strawberries. back to 24 showered and internet. back to Lucky's I used $2 coupon for ice cream and bought 8 PC/$5.99 sale fried chicken, 2/$4 frozen dinners. lunch was chicken and fresh strawberries.
I'm happy puzzling. I played 'til 10 then soak and stretch. lunch OK Walter and Salome holiday stressed picking nits. I refuse.
I decided to mail life insurance and withdraw Chase then home for games.
may be missing pieces.
I'm still waiting for a hot spot. I'd like to have it for the 4th.
I'm wearing all denim shirt and skirt. comfy.
I bought my blueberry almonds limit 4. I never noticed before. I have 2 at home.
I'm slowly filling tabs regaining settings.
my good deed I helped lady locked combo I tried her 31-11-1 and didn't open I showered and small still voice said try different order 31-1-11 and voila! open sesame!I got so excited I left used Elmo shampoo was stolen from stall. time for new shampoo. I filled coconut and argan oil shampoo bottles.
I snagged abandoned side salad and home I used buffalo chicken and Asian dressing.
on checking my Emails I forgot to pay Discover new due date 23. 12:37 pm paid.
I came to library to enjoy the cool from projected 88 degrees. I drove back way through Kaiser and huge dark SUV changed lane sped up to HHONNKK at me and I didn't care. I had planned on chips pick up at Safeway but diverted to St Just for lunch pick up. I was early enough for a weekend bag from Sandy and Chris.
library online I had free soda at Safeway. I went for pick up and I needed my phone to pay Discover. and this morning I'm preparing for thank you to my Christmas cousins.
I feel I've turned a corner.
I sat for an hour before I remembered I brought my purple pillow.
3:50 program crashed I successfully recovered Email and blog before having to leave closing.
1976 I became agoraphobic afraid I'd kill myself and take out an innocent. I didn't know about my suicide heritage I was just reacting to my abusive neglectful marriage.
last two nights lucid dreams of castle/mansion with waterbeds and vaulted ceilings. and a silent kitchen remodel while I slept. I'm being cared for I need not worry.
none shipped no rain checks. eh. I bought cucumbers and tomatoes and clearance almond croissants.
my back is so much better using the purple pillow. lunch with Gloria, Fred, Toke, Walter. it's nice Fred is giving Walter a remote control drone and solar panel.
I was depressed the chrome sipped off my cart and was dragging on the pavement shaved a bit of the corner off. I felt an idiot. I continued on to Prune ridge Lucky's to check clearance and bought 2 dozen sale eggs and mini clearance lemon pie. I feel better. a winner. and I redeemed tickets I have over $16.
whew! so I paused central 43/36.
I get to really play. no rules. my rules. queen of my universe.
thriving from surviving. I woke to more paranoia about car insurance suit. family fallout.
I finished the geode puzzle. all there. soothing 2 hours with music.
thriving or surviving. I keep suggesting to Walter to journal. the first step in releasing the past. get the trauma out of the body the mind outside to separate, the first step to release. he refuses to try declaring it won't help. if you don't try it never works. the only way to stay stuck. his choice. he wants to feel badly.
and $2 chocolate croissant. Lucky's free Colombe 12 oz cold brew. 3 light salt chips $7.50 and 2 free clearance Cole slaw kits. 2 game tickets. overcharged me $1 salads.
Diana gave me 4 Lucky's game pieces. I gave her coupons I picked up today. I got extra lunch fried rice and tuna sandwich. I ate the tuna and had to nap.
co incidence "keep calm and carry on" answer on both The Chase and Jeopardy.
oh, I make myself laugh. yesterday I walked all over couldn't figure where I put my rinsed lunch utensils and they were in my coffee cup the entire time. retraced my steps, looked in the car. I'd worry but I've been attention deficit my entire life a good thing I can't hold a grudge, impossible. I can't remember it. trauma is a body memory nothing to do with the mind.
I'm resting my back. using my pillow. watching my game shows.
very relaxing. beautiful colors.
I'm sitting in my car after lunch and still have internet.
I decided last minute on library when I remembered Father's Day fewer people. that's why St Justin's closed yesterday.
I threw everything I need to repair sass skirt into shoe box. I feel so efficient. and I fixed the Velcro bite.
and I feel sad dad was not my father just a sperm donor. I never understood why mom told me I was the mailman's child. she said crazy things. so when she told me I was crazy I knew she was crazy.
just makes me sad.
oh, what a day. 10 am I went to St Just closed. I drove to Sprouts enjoyed walking store bought clearance kid's ham cheese $4.19, water, applesauce, Uglies too much sugar BBQ chips, cookie and CBD grapefruit seltzer. better bag lunch than seniors.
Surprise! since I was close I went to shower @ seniors and Aging Fair by Source wise. I share CBD info and Young man's father just had knee surgery wanted to try. got lots of info and toys. talked to Toke, Trudy Kenny made Toke take a free insulated lunch bag.
I just say things and someone needs to hear it.
BLISS! I'm installed upstairs at Central, feet up sitting on my purple pillow entering my sweeps. I ate my lunch, puzzled a bit and now I'm digesting. I'm using more of my toys having more fun. Scary as it is. I'm afraid something terrible will happen. like the car collision and now insurance.
3:30 started leaving for Safeway for sale fried rice and sweet sour chicken, salad mix, free propel 20 oz drink, and clearance $2.50 8 X 8 cornbread. home 5 pm for Idiot Test.
9 pm watching Lon Chaney Jr 'Son of Dracula' and James Brown biopic 'Get on Up'.
I'm still stunned. our liberties are evaporating like in Germany. I'm practicing my heil Trump. and seniors are business as usual. oblivious.
the nerves coming back online. Walter asked about my back and why I go straight home he was happy my back is killing me. Sick! no Toki only Fred.
Horrible. TMZ doesn't get Trump loving people suffering in Les Miz. Trump took over the Kennedy Center chairman of the board packing it like the Supreme Court. how can they be so blind? Trump loves people suffering all people. in that he's democratic. he wants to see everyone suffer.
and they're shocked to see Senator Alex Padilla disrespected. where have they been? Trump has been testing the country incrementally getting away with more and more a dangerous toddler in charge. Trump is testing with California to see how much he can take over and dissolve democracy. California is litmus paper. I fear for Governor Newsom. I'm very afraid for all of us.
I'm waiting on mountain time. Letter Of Representation. 2 voice mails Stephen Kohlwaeis said standard computer letter he'll let me know when he finds out anything. as soon as I go to do something after waiting for his call he calls. the collision makes me feel the universe hates me like my family taught me. I'm unlearning.
lunch was interesting. Fred packed his lunch and took off, Toki was late, Walter sat with Inge. he's a pope always pontificating. except for them I'd lunch at Sunny. Toki said Yu Ai Kai going up to $5 on July 1.
and therefore my back. it's all connected as much as people compartmentalize to understand life in bits. oh my nose, throat, stomach and back.
I wonder how the Canadians are doing.
after tub my back is screaming. feels broken. my stomach is cramping like 1972 and 2001. I'm sipping grapefruit to ease the acid. my feet are two blocks of ice from pinched nerves poor circulation.
and it's worse. I got letter from CSAA Stephen Kohlwaies regarding last year's car incident they determined over 51%=100% fault. what it means I don't know the effect on my insurance.
I cooked noodles to pamper my stomach with broth. my eyes are burning and I'm coughing.
back to work. I checked gas prices same 95050 opens at 5 am 95051 at 6 am.
my toe nail appears to be correcting. it looks spatulate like mom's. only half so it's healing from car incident year and half ago.
I dressed and relaxed. new behavior going to Nob Hill. no clearance, none, nada, nothing. I entered my contests and bought frozen green peas and 2 burritos.
I had a desire for spaghetti o's bought 4 at $ tree.
on to St Justin I saw Gloria whose dad died 2 weeks ago when he went into the hospital 3rd time. she's hanging in keeping busy walking for her life.
internet is spotty due to aurora effect. frustrating.
Sunnyvale library 4 pm pick up then on to Nob Hill 95014. huge store. they have more flavors. bought sweet sour, pork fried rice, salad mix. 5 miles home 5:26 pm Idiot Test. I cooked everything using the microwave it was delicious and easy. I ate fruit tart while 'cooking.' heaven.
did too much without my purple pillow in the main library. back too stressed tonight.
#1 opened after I'd parked. I considered re parking, nah.
I have until 9:30 then Cup library for pick up. I entered my games. I walked Lucky's, redeemed 3 tickets and bought cucumber 99 cents. I'm feeling mellow.
sitting waiting 9:53 Cup library I remembered I wanted to renew my car registration using the kiosk at Cup Safeway and I bought my$5 Friday fruit tart. and looking through Nob Hill ad I have 'til 10th for Innovasian sale fried rice $6.99 in Mountain View.
11:17 lunch was OK. Fred saved the table, Walter arrived before Toke, Salome was last. we got ice cream. left overs from some function so they can charge the senior program. I know accounting.
I'm ready planning a new life. I was overly tired last night. exhausted and restless. then I remembered how much I accomplished. today I showered and stretched then walked Lucky's bought almond croissants. started to redeem bonus points Rosemary clerk only 3 tickets at a time. The checkout line got all backed up. another day.
I love meditating on world peace. lunch was OK. Fred gave me half of the Korean nasi goreng. looked like dog food tasted eh. Salome and Walter are the same flock. Toke seemed happier than usual.
I fell asleep halfway through People Puzzler. I'm organizing my toys. I love playing with my toys. Watching Person Place or Thing Melissa Peterman and Leah Remini are so supportive of their contestants. that's what I miss from Wheel and Jeopardy. Ryan is easily intimidated and Ken is arrogant. Pat likes people and Alex knew his answers were furnished.
I'm ambling. I mailed my fit test, withdrew Chase, deposit *1, and Lucky laundry 1.1 mi. $4.75 for 2-3 load machine.
lunch better than usual. at least mine was. I got extra potatoes and later veg. maybe she holds back because a lot of people toss food. Fred saved table 7 miming to me he was so early. they opened door 11:07. they make it harder. jen, amber, hilda. they keep insisting no new lunch applicants when I know Sunny is still accepting.
I took my time made 3 trips with heavy wet wash. I just remembered i have chips in my storage.
pondering laundry and how it's a 'new' concept. all the 'modern conveniences' that are incinerating and poisoning the planet. and making gymnasiums necessary. and the subsequent distorted bodies.
and thinking of neighbor Josie R not liking the senior center. I felt an affinity because mom had Kaiser mandatory classes there after her suicide 'mistake'.
I'm binge watching New Tricks. I've gotten to the changing of the guard. they went off to act in other projects.
I pondered many things to do and stretched and rested.
today my new behavior lunch at Sunny. never on a Monday. my 3rd time. so many garlicky people. so many kind courteous characters. so many Asians. feels more like Hawaii. the whites here actually like Asians. Santa Clara feels prejudiced. after a lifetime I know prejudice. prickles my skin.
today I sat by the door to watch the procedure. we get a place mat and metal utensils and Melmac coffee cup. 5 piece band at 10. it's nice to listen to music r/t complaints or 'god ain't it awful's. I feel so relaxed despite the halitosis. lunch was good. sole, couscous, roasted sweet and purple potatoes, mixed veg. Unfortunately insanity Claus sat opposite thinking he's a comedian. he insisted all he thinks about is food, what's for dinner.
home 11:40 after music done 11:30. plenty of game shows.
I learn so much from watching people. the quest to be first in line. I prefer no line.
I was watching New Tricks and the segment on hypnosis reminded me. the most productive gift I ever gave myself. Palo Alto School of Hypnotherapy. Josie Hadley as many others punish themselves. it's what they know after a childhood of abuse. she didn't unlearn, instead trying to conquer the past. fighting never suffices. fighting continues an opposing energy. simple Newtonian physics. Acceptance and Forgiveness for all concerned is the only lasting solution.
I puzzled, pondered, entered my contests. I decided no pool. I showered and went to college Safeway for Saturday freebie. I must have been depressed last week. I'm living for myself. family would harass and harangue me as selfish.
reading People magazine I know why King Charles refuses Harry and Meghan security protection; he's sacrificing them as Princess Diana's replacements. Charles is being vindictive.
I don't know what I'm doing following Spirit but then I never have known what I'm doing. and I've always listened and danced. huh, I never thought of it before I've always danced to the beat of a different drummer.
I showered, parking 8 am #2 space at 24 hour wi-fi. after Lucky's free drink, sale Pringles, almond croissants I drove to Citibank paid statement and ATM couldn't print receipt. I tried 6 times.
I never know what I want to do until I get there and do it now. I used to have to report my plans to the family in case I was needed. Toke grills me sometimes.
today lunch isn't full. maybe 55 people lots of empty places. food so much better here I canceled Monday's pick up bag lunch for Sunny hot.
today program of hazardous waste disposal. important to living and breathing. and the rude people who don't care talking so no one can hear. so disrespectful. I can understand wanting Chinese people to go back to where they emigrated from. they come here to be rude. I don't like it.
I sat in the car writing bills. I arrived seniors 6:40 am and people waiting at doors.
I expect the worst. I need to make it wurst. I've been trained to prepare for disaster. I was the first responder in my family.
I thought today was Thursday. once I calmed myself in the tub I realized I'm a day ahead.
I woke with an empty space in the pit of my stomach. I don't know if it's new or more likely freshly discovered. discovered uncovered. I think I've had it a long time. not always. I pondered taking my purple pillow try w/o it.
stomach vacuum is a real thing. I googled it. it's similar to the Richard Hittleman Lion exercise. 3 weeks to results.
lunch OK. Fred and Toke got the alternate meal. I waited 20 minutes for cucumber salad. Hilde like mom loves playing food games.
home 12:30.
I surrender to due diligence. didn't find anything I wanted so onto gym 2 Safeway nothing. Cup still nothing. after driving and walking 9:30 on to Walmart via Sunny. I drove Fair Oaks to Tasman Grocery Outlet. I used to shop on a regular basis. after Eric died I lost all interest in everything. it's like I died.
I figured out why Mission Walmart is a stretch. I don't like driving the expressway, through town is more comfortable less boring. I bought my Co Q and A reds. home 10:30.
I feel weird.
I'm learning how to live relaxed. scary. I'm afraid of losing my edge. I slept 12 hours reminding me of the 8 years bed ridden. The library is my heavenly haven. I didn't bring eyeglasses so no puzzling.
life's difficult without prior experience. I've never had a confidante only saboteurs. I have to learn this like everything else in my life alone.
best memorial weekend 70-71 degree. stores open tomorrow. I will continue relaxing.
home 4:22. I used home Safeway internet. I bought cheeses, olive bread, clearance drinks no freebie, no almonds flavors I wanted, salad mix. I'm feeling rich. I may check the superstore tomorrow.
too early for seniors. I bought star kist chicken 2/$3 and Mac cheese. I soaked seniors then St Just closed I drove to Cup and visualized shady parking. success.
I'm pondering what I want for lunch. I'm excited for the Monday holiday. I am unlimited.
Sunny library Hula dancers 11 am. Twice. Hmm.. my taste in clothing styles comfort = the hula costumes. big school. lots of kids lots of costume styles. I returned hot spot.
Sunny Dollar Tree I bought nugget and fries, glucosamine, tuna salad, mouthwash.
home 1 pm I toasted Toke corn pudding bread and nuked nuggets fries. 2:30 nap attack I woke 4:45 from a lovely deep restorative sleep. just in time for Idiot Test.
2 freebies at G Lucky's garlic I can't believe it's not butter and 16.9 oz recover drink. I got watermelon this time. I got ads for Toke and me.
I'm freshly showered. I have my raw almonds snack. I'm pondering what I want to do. a mighty power is desire. what I want.
today's final health fair for this year. so many goodies. best water bottle ever, mirror, clip on refillable sanitizer. lunch wonderful hula dancers I did the hukilau. I answered the largest island question for a bag of treats. Toki didn't want any gave us mini apple pie, Fred took a biscotti.
I automatically tuned to Happy's Place-Reba McEntire.
I slept 11:30 pm watching "New Tricks" I missed 2003 first year due to my exploratory surgery. I didn't have cancer Kaiser removed a 32 year old cyst encapsulated Ex bacteria that poisoned me. part of my bed ridden experience. and twice in emergency from dehydration. 3 hour IV and catheter.
I figured out what upsets me with Walter he's like dad not taking his attitude seriously. I'm serious about having fun. too much of life has been a disaster. dis aster=separated from the stars. refusing heaven. I plan for success. he's afraid of failing and won't even try. as long as you keep trying success is guaranteed. you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
Walter is full of excuses. during lunch he regaled Gloria with the horrors of his dad's death while her dad is in hospital again. lunch is her respite from care taking. I explained to him again if he cares for his friends he must use discretion. he wants to remain a selfish child with no regard for others living a directionless life. he has excuses and misdirection. I give up.
he prides himself on being smart and acts stupid as cuteness. he doesn't want happiness he needs to be content.
I explained to Walter the importance of spending time around conducive people. our bodies evolved to live in groups. we need proximity to remain healthy and sane. chickens are no substitute. he's not a chicken. reminds me of Jonathon Livingston Seagull
half hour early I went to homes Safeway for free drink wouldn't load I asked to speak to manager who over rode computer $2.59 and I bought BBQ and classic chips.
St Justin senior lunch and bingo. Jane, Ron, Ed, Victor from senior center. I felt at home. Costco Alfredo chicken, roll and butter, Cesar salad. I forgot about left overs for dinner. I won $4. 2 two dollar pots. I feel my hard work is paying off. everyone deserves such happiness.
I did it. I used my purple seat pillow.
I'd quit working at the church, Mit got $50 for my choosing to work for her marketing company and mom swallowed dad's sleeping pills. i didn't know he had any. I completely missed the end of Cheers. TV was my life model. the only example of loving caring relationships.
even though Kaiser sent mom to Valley Med then to a hospital on Alameda de Las Pulgas family denied the entire event. 4 against me just like always. saying mom 'accidentally' swallowed an entire bottle of pills. it was a 'mistake'.
my life with them was a series of fires I was constantly putting out. and now due to inattention or denial the entire planet is burning up.
ironic. and now to decide on lunch. I have an unopened box of Ensure. and a banana.
I'm still processing. I haven't been this healthy since maybe EVER. my body feels wrecked but emotionally I'm better.
my allergies are terrible. I was good at seniors, Valley Village Jumble, St Just and suddenly at central could be book dust from sale.
I decided to use Sunny coupon expires Monday. 2:30 pm found $2 Herriot book, 3 DVDs. tomorrow St Just lunch 1:30. Sprouts pumpkin and cherry pies. home perfect timing Idiot Test.
Mauna Loa clearance at Lucky's and $3 cornbread under cooked. I can cook that. I went to Santa Clara Costco gas saved $2.50 and rewarded myself eating treat in car. 8:30 space #1 opened I moved my car. I used hair quinoa mask all over face so smooth in shower.
today's health fair handicapped parking half parking gone. Fred came 10 smart. lunch was pretend mash potatoes and pretend meat loaf. Toki was happy all the oranges. Trudy and Kenny, Fred last. no Walter last. walked 20 minutes all tables then talked with Walter. home 12:59. Idiot test.
better late than never. I feel differently. better or worse I don't know.
Thomas lunch buddy gave me a puzzle full of debris he gave up assembling. I looked at it trying to figure out the difficulty and finally realized the pictures of the puzzle were printed backwards except for one small image on the back that proclaimed actual picture of finished puzzle. Why would anyone do that?
I'm doing my due diligence.
Valley Village Jumble tomorrow Fri 1-5, Sat 10-3.
Ron let everyone know Sydney Marchack passed 2/4 at valley med.
never too late. Walter is using TENS to manage his pain. he's taking control. I told him creating heaven is hard without prior experience. hell is everywhere. many examples. heaven is specific and personal and hard because it's new.
back to being late. cutting it close Toki, Fred and Walter. one day is better.
mom's 24th death a versary. woke early and walked the store like the week she swallowed dad's bottle of sleeping pills. I didn't even know he had any. I drove her to 3 grocery stores she walked and didn't buy anything. driving home she asked if I knew dad's dad hung himself I pulled the car over and stopped. she stared out the passenger window totally disconnected. I never noticed before my parents were always disconnected. from reality. I started researching suicide at 16 without any idea.
like people today. the planet is burning up. we're burning the planet and it's business as usual. people are wasting and polluting like there's no problem. no price to pay tomorrow.
Walter came 11:35 just after Toki. awesome. they beat Fred. Walter complained yesterday he sat by himself when he came late and all the seats were taken. I chose a different table today lots of room. Toki and Walter appreciate how hard it is to sit together. I consider the lunch company as important to good digestion as nutrition. vitamin L for laughter. I remembered to tell Walter about my improved sleep using purple car seat cushion. he argued he had a memory foam topper. I pointed out it wasn't working. LOL. he argues to keep his pain, doesn't work with me. he can keep his pain and he can't complain. I don't argue. everyone deserves what they want.
and now "Young Frankenstein."
watching Harry Potter helps me process my sadness. a lifetime takes care. I want clear total healing.
9 am it was pouring rain 11 dry as a bone. I cut my soak short to close my car window. lunch with Fred and Toki forgot comics first time.
BONUS! I found box of dark chocolate liquors left at lunch line. 49/64. exp 8/3/24 booze dried up. still delicious.
Bartolo and Della put in 2 hours.
I was concerned Todds took up my space I couldn't see from driveway to back out. van in front moved, black multi still in middle. I don't want to lose my parking spot to go to the library. 10 degrees cooler today.
I prepped and cooked asparagus. even more delicious after soaking overnight. plump, juicy and tender. I snapped into bite size pieces reserving tips. nuked 4 minutes tossed in tips for residual heat perfection. and I have stems for trimming or tossing. my decision. I trimmed some stems and ate them raw filled me up.
half an hour of heaven for breakfast. creating heaven takes practice, commitment, dedication. you have to really want it.
I'm crying for the unloved baby 2001 when mom died. they constantly betrayed and abandoned me. they lacked the ability to love, resented me for their failures. the days counting down fill me with dread.
I just realized the cover of release guilt is the oil I painted before 1988. reminded me of Nora Gemini Books and now she has Angel star. WOW!
my family traditions of alcoholism and suicide. alcoholism is self medicating, trying to make living tolerable. not knowing.
I kept watching and re watching 'Genie' Melissa McCarthy missing the message until Bernard sets her free. thousands of years a captive genie. me and Walter. learning to be free.
I'm feeling glum and today's daily word Joy. I puzzled then soaked at seniors and decided to try St Justin early. long line at 10. I waited picked up sandwiches and weekend bag. library lots of cars 10:30. LEGO day.
kids make me laugh.
I stopped DNA repair and I'm listening to Kelly again. puzzle here isn't interesting or pretty. so I'm reading GUT HEALTH. it amuses me that everyone thinks it's one thing when I know it's a combination that varies person to person. chiropractics matters.
OK I decided I wanted county movies parked in courier spot 4.3 miles. then feeling good I picked up Sunny and walked Sprouts nothing for dinner I drove to G Lucky's for frozen fried rice and asparagus. YUM!! no parking in front I used my driveway. I expected neighbors to take advantage. I put out tom's lawn mower.
I picked up free drink and almond bear pastry $3/from 7.
seniors I didn't have the spot charger. I started to freak out and calmed myself down. I can buy another, probably at home which it was.
I puzzled, showered, my legs and hips heavy, stiff and painful.
lunch salmon was good. weirdest wild rice I ever ate. no asparagus brussel sprouts substitute yech. mini Cesar salad. strawberry ice cream no strawberries and cream. Walter showed up early with excuses. I chose a different table due to the early influx and Toki's late arrival. Fred complained when he was late and missed the first serving and had to wait. he thinks getting there at 11:30 when serving begins won't take him 10 minutes to clear the line silly boy.
I walked the health fair and with the excitement I was exhausted. I napped 3-4.
13th coming up. I'm better able to process and heal my trauma and sisters' betrayal.
and feeling happy. Walter is calming down. I asked him to back off Nahyoung as a favor to me he's thinking about it. Toki and he held our seats I was very late 11:45 last bingo exercise class I earned 34 wins = 2 bags, car tool, motion detecting rechargeable night light. I feel rich. Trudy and Ken even later. I was too excited to eat turkey gravy. mash and veg, mash sandwich perfect.
not wearing a brace my back is screaming. it's OK. it's motivating me to keep moving.
I soaked late 9:30 and easier. fewer people, quieter, more relaxing.
Walter did it again. he annoyed Nahyoung and Jennifer ran front today. he's making it toxic and poisoning himself. he insists he's right bullying her and refusing to see it. he's doing the same as his dad.
wheel is not updating. huh.
