paid water

I bought my blueberry almonds limit 4.  I never noticed before.  

I'm slowly filling tabs.  

 

I'm still struggling

on checking my Emails I forgot to pay Discover new due date 23.  12:37 pm paid.  

I came to library to enjoy the cool from projected 88 degrees.  I drove back way through Kaiser and huge dark SUV changed lane sped up to HHONNKK at me and I didn't care.  I had planned on chips pick up at Safeway but diverted to St Just for lunch pick up.  I was early enough for a weekend bag from Sandy and Chris.  

library online I had free soda at Safeway.  I went for pick up and I needed my phone to pay Discover.  and this morning I'm preparing for thank you to my Christmas cousins.  

I feel I've turned a corner.  

I sat for an hour before I remembered I brought my purple pillow.  

3:50 program crashed I successfully recovered Email and blog before having to leave closing.  

memories/flashbacks/PTSD

1976 I became agoraphobic afraid I'd kill myself and take out an innocent.  I didn't know about my suicide heritage I was just reacting to my abusive neglectful marriage.  

last two nights lucid dreams of castle/mansion with waterbeds and vaulted ceilings.  and a silent kitchen remodel while I slept.  I'm being cared for I need not worry.

no Lawrence Lucky's eggs

none shipped no rain checks.  eh.  I bought cucumbers and tomatoes and clearance almond croissants.  

my back is so much better using the purple pillow.  lunch with Gloria, Fred, Toke, Walter.  it's nice Fred is giving Walter a remote control drone and solar panel.  

I was depressed the chrome sipped off my cart and was dragging on the pavement shaved a bit of the corner off.  I felt an idiot.  I continued on to Prune ridge Lucky's to check clearance and bought 2 dozen sale eggs and mini clearance lemon pie.  I feel better.  a winner.  and I redeemed tickets I have over $16.  

48/61 Sunny hot spots added 25

whew!  so I paused central 43/36.

I get to really play.  no rules.  my rules.  queen of my universe.  

7:09 am

thriving from surviving.  I woke to more paranoia about car insurance suit.  family fallout.  

I finished the geode puzzle.  all there.  soothing 2 hours with music.  

living

thriving or surviving.  I keep suggesting to Walter to journal.  the first step in releasing the past.  get the trauma out of the body the mind outside to separate, the first step to release.  he refuses to try declaring it won't help.  if you don't try it never works.   the only way to stay stuck.  his choice.  he wants to feel badly.  

Panera egg bacon $8

and $2 chocolate croissant.  Lucky's free Colombe 12 oz cold brew.  3 light salt chips $7.50 and 2 free clearance Cole slaw kits.  2 game tickets.  overcharged me $1 salads.  

Diana gave me 4 Lucky's game pieces.  I gave her coupons I picked up today.  I got extra lunch fried rice and tuna sandwich.  I ate the tuna and had to nap.

co incidence "keep calm and carry on" answer on both The Chase and Jeopardy.

Juneteenth=Freedom

freedom is a mental as well as physical condition.  

oh, I make myself laugh.  yesterday I walked all over couldn't figure where I put my rinsed lunch utensils and they were in my coffee cup the entire time.  retraced my steps, looked in the car.  I'd worry but I've been attention deficit my entire life a good thing I can't hold a grudge, impossible.  I can't remember it.  trauma is a body memory nothing to do with the mind.  

I'm resting my back.  using my pillow.  watching my game shows.  

doing what I want fear of punishment

 I've only been free a very short time compared to my lifetime.  

I love the geode puzzle

very relaxing.  beautiful colors.  

I'm sitting in my car after lunch and still have internet.  

I let go

 

guard was sitting in my chair I don't want attention

I decided last minute on library when I remembered Father's Day fewer people.  that's why St Justin's closed yesterday.  

I threw everything I need to repair sass skirt into shoe box.  I feel so efficient.  and I fixed the Velcro bite.

and I feel sad dad was not my father just a sperm donor.  I never understood why mom told me I was the mailman's child.  she said crazy things.  so when she told me I was crazy I knew she was crazy.  

just makes me sad.  

unplanned day-all Sprouts CBD on clearance discontinued 99-$1.19

oh, what a day.  10 am I went to St Just closed.  I drove to Sprouts enjoyed walking store bought clearance kid's ham cheese $4.19, water, applesauce,  Uglies too much sugar BBQ chips, cookie and CBD grapefruit seltzer.  better bag lunch than seniors.  

Surprise!  since I was close I went to shower @ seniors and Aging Fair by Source wise.  I share CBD info and Young man's father just had knee surgery wanted to try.  got lots of info and toys.  talked to Toke, Trudy Kenny made Toke take a free insulated lunch bag.  

I just say things and someone needs to hear it.  

BLISS!  I'm installed upstairs at Central, feet up sitting on my purple pillow entering my sweeps.  I ate my lunch, puzzled a bit and now I'm digesting.  I'm using more of my toys having more fun.  Scary as it is.  I'm afraid something terrible will happen.  like the car collision and now insurance. 

3:30 started leaving for Safeway for sale fried rice and sweet sour chicken, salad mix, free propel 20 oz drink, and clearance $2.50 8 X 8 cornbread.  home 5 pm for Idiot Test.  

9 pm watching Lon Chaney Jr 'Son of Dracula' and James Brown biopic 'Get on Up'.  

free drink Lucky's

I'm still stunned.  our liberties are evaporating like in Germany.  I'm practicing my heil Trump.  and seniors are business as usual.  oblivious.

7:10 am sore stomach muscles

the nerves coming back online.  Walter asked about my back and why I go straight home he was happy my back is killing me.  Sick!  no Toki only Fred.

Horrible.  TMZ doesn't get Trump loving people suffering in Les Miz.  Trump took over the Kennedy Center chairman of the board packing it like the Supreme Court.  how can they be so blind?  Trump loves people suffering all people.  in that he's democratic.  he wants to see everyone suffer.

and they're shocked to see Senator Alex Padilla disrespected.  where have they been?  Trump has been testing the country incrementally getting away with more and more a dangerous toddler in charge.  Trump is testing with California to see how much he can take over and dissolve democracy.  California is litmus paper.  I fear for Governor Newsom.  I'm very afraid for all of us.

I'm not happy

I'm waiting on mountain time.  Letter Of Representation.  2 voice mails Stephen Kohlwaeis said standard computer letter he'll let me know when he finds out anything.  as soon as I go to do something after waiting for his call he calls.  the collision makes me feel the universe hates me like my family taught me.  I'm unlearning.

lunch was interesting.  Fred packed his lunch and took off, Toki was late, Walter sat with Inge.  he's a pope always pontificating.  except for them I'd lunch at Sunny.  Toki said Yu Ai Kai going up to $5 on July 1.  

the pollution from Canadian wildfires hurting my stomach-CSAA letter

and therefore my back.  it's all connected as much as people compartmentalize to understand life in bits.  oh my nose, throat, stomach and back.  

I wonder how the Canadians are doing.  

after tub my back is screaming.  feels broken.  my stomach is cramping like 1972 and 2001.  I'm sipping grapefruit to ease the acid.  my feet are two blocks of ice from pinched nerves poor circulation.

and it's worse.  I got letter from CSAA Stephen Kohlwaies regarding last year's car incident they determined over 51%=100% fault.  what it means I don't know the effect on my insurance.  

I cooked noodles to pamper my stomach with broth.  my eyes are burning and I'm coughing.  

so sleepy bad air lack of oxygen

back to work.  I checked gas prices same 95050 opens at 5 am 95051 at 6 am.  

my toe nail appears to be correcting.  it looks spatulate like mom's.  only half so it's healing from car incident year and half ago.  

amazing

I dressed and relaxed.  new behavior going to Nob Hill.  no clearance, none, nada, nothing.  I entered my contests and bought frozen green peas and 2 burritos.  

9 am around end parking 24 hour

I had a desire for spaghetti o's bought 4 at $ tree.  

on to St Justin I saw Gloria whose dad died 2 weeks ago when he went into the hospital 3rd time.  she's hanging in keeping busy walking for her life.  

internet is spotty due to aurora effect.  frustrating.  

Sunnyvale library 4 pm pick up then on to Nob Hill 95014.  huge store.  they have more flavors.  bought sweet sour, pork fried rice, salad mix.  5 miles home 5:26 pm Idiot Test.  I cooked everything using the microwave it was delicious and easy.  I ate fruit tart while 'cooking.'  heaven.

did too much without my purple pillow in the main library.  back too stressed tonight.  

7:45 too early #10

#1 opened after I'd parked.  I considered re parking, nah.   

I have until 9:30 then Cup library for pick up.  I entered my games.  I walked Lucky's, redeemed 3 tickets and bought cucumber 99 cents.  I'm feeling mellow.

sitting waiting 9:53 Cup library I remembered I wanted to renew my car registration using the kiosk at Cup Safeway and I bought my$5 Friday  fruit tart.  and looking through Nob Hill ad I have 'til 10th for Innovasian sale fried rice $6.99 in Mountain View.  

11:17 lunch was OK.  Fred saved the table, Walter arrived before Toke, Salome was last.  we got ice cream.  left overs from some function so they can charge the senior program.  I know accounting.  

bit by bit-yesterday seems a lifetime ago

I'm ready planning a new life.  I was overly tired last night.  exhausted and restless.  then I remembered how much I accomplished.  today I showered and stretched then walked Lucky's bought almond croissants.  started to redeem bonus points Rosemary clerk only 3 tickets at a time.  The checkout line got all backed up.  another day.  

I love meditating on world peace.  lunch was OK.  Fred gave me half of the Korean nasi goreng.  looked like dog food tasted eh.  Salome and Walter are the same flock.  Toke seemed happier than usual.  

I fell asleep halfway through People Puzzler.  I'm organizing my toys.  I love playing with my toys.  Watching Person Place or Thing Melissa Peterman and Leah Remini are so supportive of their contestants.  that's what I miss from Wheel and Jeopardy.  Ryan is easily intimidated and Ken is arrogant.  Pat likes people and Alex knew his answers were furnished.  

8 am good parking @ gym-mailed fit test-banking-laundry

I'm ambling.  I mailed my fit test, withdrew Chase, deposit *1, and Lucky laundry 1.1 mi.  $4.75 for 2-3 load machine.  

lunch better than usual.  at least mine was.  I got extra potatoes and later veg.  maybe she holds back because a lot of people toss food.  Fred saved table 7 miming to me he was so early.  they opened door 11:07.  they make it harder.  jen, amber, hilda.  they keep insisting no new lunch applicants when I know Sunny is still accepting.  

I took my time made 3 trips with heavy wet wash.  I just remembered i have chips in my storage.  

7:45 gym-Divine Order-DO

pondering laundry and how it's a 'new' concept.  all the 'modern conveniences' that are incinerating and poisoning the planet.  and making gymnasiums necessary.  and the subsequent distorted bodies.  

and thinking of neighbor Josie R not liking the senior center.  I felt an affinity because mom had Kaiser mandatory classes there after her suicide 'mistake'.  

I'm binge watching New Tricks.  I've gotten to the changing of the guard.  they went off to act in other projects.   

I took yesterday as my day of rest

I pondered many things to do and stretched and rested.  

today my new behavior lunch at Sunny.  never on a Monday.  my 3rd time.  so many garlicky people.  so many kind courteous characters.  so many Asians.  feels more like Hawaii.  the whites here actually like Asians.  Santa Clara feels prejudiced.  after a lifetime I know prejudice.  prickles my skin.

today I sat by the door to watch the procedure.  we get a place mat and metal utensils and Melmac coffee cup.  5 piece band at 10.  it's nice to listen to music r/t complaints or 'god ain't it awful's.  I feel so relaxed despite the halitosis.  lunch was good.  sole, couscous, roasted sweet and purple potatoes, mixed veg.  Unfortunately insanity Claus sat opposite thinking he's a comedian.  he insisted all he thinks about is food, what's for dinner.    

home 11:40 after music done 11:30.  plenty of game shows.  

sitting at seniors-new behaviors for a new life

I learn so much from watching people.  the quest to be first in line.  I prefer no line.  

I was watching New Tricks and the segment on hypnosis reminded me.  the most productive gift I ever gave myself.  Palo Alto School of Hypnotherapy.  Josie Hadley as many others punish themselves.  it's what they know after a childhood of abuse.  she didn't unlearn, instead trying to conquer the past.  fighting never suffices.  fighting continues an opposing energy.  simple Newtonian physics.  Acceptance and Forgiveness for all concerned is the only lasting solution. 

I puzzled, pondered, entered my contests.  I decided no pool.  I showered and went to college Safeway for Saturday freebie.  I must have been depressed last week.  I'm living for myself.  family would harass and harangue me as selfish.

reading People magazine I know why King Charles refuses Harry and Meghan security protection; he's sacrificing them as Princess Diana's replacements.  Charles is being vindictive.  

I picked up free Ardor 12 oz energy drink and Pringles-paid Citibank-Sunny lunch 9:30 Armando

I don't know what I'm doing following Spirit but then I never have known what I'm doing.  and I've always listened and danced.  huh, I never thought of it before I've always danced to the beat of a different drummer.

I showered, parking 8 am #2 space at 24 hour wi-fi.  after Lucky's free drink, sale Pringles, almond croissants I drove to Citibank paid statement and ATM couldn't print receipt.  I tried 6 times.  

I never know what I want to do until I get there and do it now.  I used to have to report my plans to the family in case I was needed.  Toke grills me sometimes.  

today lunch isn't full.  maybe 55 people lots of empty places.  food so much better here I canceled Monday's pick up bag lunch for Sunny hot.  

feeling anxious over tomorrow

today program of hazardous waste disposal.  important to living and breathing.  and the rude people who don't care talking so no one can hear.  so disrespectful.  I can understand wanting Chinese people to go back to where they emigrated from.  they come here to be rude.  I don't like it.  

and I'm OK

I sat in the car writing bills.  I arrived seniors 6:40 am and people waiting at doors.  

I expect the worst.  I need to make it wurst.  I've been trained to prepare for disaster.  I was the first responder in my family.  

I thought today was Thursday.  once I calmed myself in the tub I realized I'm a day ahead.

new record 7 minutes to seniors

I woke with an empty space in the pit of my stomach.  I don't know if it's new or more likely freshly discovered.  discovered uncovered.  I think I've had it a long time.  not always.  I pondered taking my purple pillow try w/o it.  

stomach vacuum is a real thing.  I googled it.  it's similar to the Richard Hittleman Lion exercise.  3 weeks to results.  

lunch OK.  Fred and Toke got the alternate meal.  I waited 20 minutes for cucumber salad.  Hilde like mom loves playing food games.  

home 12:30.  

Maria safeway

I surrender to due diligence.  didn't find anything I wanted so onto gym 2 Safeway nothing.  Cup still nothing.  after driving and walking 9:30 on to Walmart via Sunny.  I drove Fair Oaks to Tasman Grocery Outlet.  I used to shop on a regular basis.  after Eric died I lost all interest in everything.  it's like I died.

I figured out why Mission Walmart is a stretch.  I don't like driving the expressway, through town is more comfortable less boring.  I bought my Co Q and A reds.  home 10:30.

I feel weird.  

leisurely library-forgot free soda

I'm learning how to live relaxed.  scary.  I'm afraid of losing my edge.  I slept 12 hours reminding me of the 8 years bed ridden.  The library is my heavenly haven.  I didn't bring eyeglasses so no puzzling.  

life's difficult without prior experience.  I've never had a confidante only saboteurs.  I have to learn this like everything else in my life alone.  

best memorial weekend 70-71 degree.  stores open tomorrow.  I will continue relaxing.  

home 4:22.  I used home Safeway internet.  I bought cheeses, olive bread, clearance drinks no freebie, no almonds flavors I wanted, salad mix.  I'm feeling rich.  I may check the superstore tomorrow.  

I walked nob hill 7 :30-returned hot spot

too early for seniors.  I bought star kist chicken 2/$3 and Mac cheese.  I soaked seniors then St Just closed I drove to Cup and visualized shady parking.  success.  

I'm pondering what I want for lunch.  I'm excited for the Monday holiday.  I am unlimited.

Sunny library Hula dancers 11 am.  Twice.  Hmm..  my taste in clothing styles comfort = the hula costumes.  big school.  lots of kids lots of costume styles.  I returned hot spot.  

Sunny Dollar Tree I bought nugget and fries, glucosamine, tuna salad, mouthwash.  

home 1 pm I toasted Toke corn pudding bread and nuked nuggets fries.  2:30 nap attack I woke 4:45 from a lovely deep restorative sleep.  just in time for Idiot Test.  

I can be done

2 freebies at G Lucky's garlic I can't believe it's not butter and 16.9 oz recover drink.  I got watermelon this time.  I got ads for Toke and me.

I'm freshly showered.  I have my raw almonds snack.  I'm pondering what I want to do.  a mighty power is desire.  what I want.  

today's final health fair for this year.  so many goodies.  best water bottle ever, mirror, clip on refillable sanitizer.  lunch wonderful hula dancers I did the hukilau.  I answered the largest island question for a bag of treats.  Toki didn't want any gave us mini apple pie, Fred took a biscotti.  

I automatically tuned to Happy's Place-Reba McEntire.  

feeling surprisingly well

I slept 11:30 pm watching "New Tricks" I missed 2003 first year due to my exploratory surgery.  I didn't have cancer Kaiser removed a 32 year old cyst encapsulated Ex bacteria that poisoned me.  part of my bed ridden experience.  and twice in emergency from dehydration.  3 hour IV and catheter.  

I figured out what upsets me with Walter he's like dad not taking his attitude seriously.  I'm serious about having fun.  too much of life has been a disaster.  dis aster=separated from the stars.  refusing heaven.  I plan for success.  he's afraid of failing and won't even try.  as long as you keep trying success is guaranteed.  you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

I'm #1

Walter is full of excuses.  during lunch he regaled Gloria with the horrors of his dad's death while her dad is in hospital again.  lunch is her respite from care taking.  I explained to him again if he cares for his friends he must use discretion.  he wants to remain a selfish child with no regard for others living a directionless life.  he has excuses and misdirection.  I give up.  

he prides himself on being smart and acts stupid as cuteness.  he doesn't want happiness he needs to be content.  

freedom

 I'm getting good at relaxing.  

Faith

 I explained to Walter the importance of spending time around conducive people.  our bodies evolved to live in groups.  we need proximity to remain healthy and sane.  chickens are no substitute.  he's not a chicken.  reminds me of Jonathon Livingston Seagull

Lisa's treat-Sylvia lunch buddy-BBQ Sat 31 at 6:30

half hour early I went to homes Safeway for free drink wouldn't load I asked to speak to manager who over rode computer $2.59 and I bought BBQ and classic chips.  

St Justin senior lunch and bingo.  Jane, Ron, Ed, Victor from senior center.  I felt at home.  Costco Alfredo chicken, roll and butter, Cesar salad.  I forgot about left overs for dinner.  I won $4.  2 two dollar pots.  I feel my hard work is paying off.  everyone deserves such happiness.  

I did it.  I used my purple seat pillow.

1993 Cheers end

I'd quit working at the church, Mit got $50 for my choosing to work for her marketing company and mom swallowed dad's sleeping pills.  i didn't know he had any.  I completely missed the end of Cheers.  TV was my life model.  the only example of loving caring relationships.  

even though Kaiser sent mom to Valley Med then to a hospital on Alameda de Las Pulgas family denied the entire event.  4 against me just like always.  saying mom 'accidentally' swallowed an entire bottle of pills.  it was a 'mistake'.

my life with them was a series of fires I was constantly putting out.  and now due to inattention or denial the entire planet is burning up.  

ironic.  and now to decide on lunch.  I have an unopened box of Ensure.  and a banana.  

observing at the library-Charity and Sandy lunch

I'm still processing.  I haven't been this healthy since maybe EVER.  my body feels wrecked but emotionally I'm better.  

my allergies are terrible.  I was good at seniors, Valley Village Jumble, St Just and suddenly at central could be book dust from sale.  

I decided to use Sunny coupon expires Monday.  2:30 pm found $2 Herriot book, 3 DVDs.  tomorrow St Just lunch 1:30.  Sprouts pumpkin and cherry pies.  home perfect timing Idiot Test.

free Peace tea

Mauna Loa clearance at Lucky's and $3 cornbread under cooked.  I can cook that.  I went to Santa Clara Costco gas saved $2.50 and rewarded myself eating treat in car.  8:30 space #1 opened I moved my car.  I used hair quinoa mask all over face so smooth in shower.  

today's health fair handicapped parking half parking gone.  Fred came 10 smart.  lunch was pretend mash potatoes and pretend meat loaf.  Toki was happy all the oranges.  Trudy and Kenny, Fred last.  no Walter last.  walked 20 minutes all tables then talked with Walter.  home 12:59.  Idiot test.  

at last-Kelly Howell Exalted music

better late than never.  I feel differently.  better or worse I don't know.

Thomas lunch buddy gave me a puzzle full of debris he gave up assembling.  I looked at it trying to figure out the difficulty and finally realized the pictures of the puzzle were printed backwards except for one small image on the back that proclaimed actual picture of finished puzzle.  Why would anyone do that?

I'm doing my due diligence.  

Valley Village Jumble tomorrow Fri 1-5, Sat 10-3.

Ron let everyone know Sydney Marchack passed 2/4 at valley med.  

my happy childhood

never too late.  Walter is using TENS to manage his pain.  he's taking control.  I told him creating heaven is hard without prior experience.  hell is everywhere.  many examples.  heaven is specific and personal and hard because it's new.  

back to being late.  cutting it close Toki, Fred and Walter.  one day is better.

6:21 went to Nob Hill

mom's 24th death a versary.  woke early and walked the store like the week she swallowed dad's bottle of sleeping pills.  I didn't even know he had any.  I drove her to 3 grocery stores she walked and didn't buy anything.  driving home she asked if I knew dad's dad hung himself I pulled the car over and stopped.  she stared out the passenger window totally disconnected.  I never noticed before my parents were always disconnected.  from reality.  I started researching suicide at 16 without any idea.  

like people today.  the planet is burning up.  we're burning the planet and it's business as usual.  people are wasting and polluting like there's no problem.  no price to pay tomorrow.

Walter came 11:35 just after Toki.  awesome.  they beat Fred.  Walter complained yesterday he sat by himself when he came late and all the seats were taken.  I chose a different table today lots of room.  Toki and Walter appreciate how hard it is to sit together.  I consider the lunch company as important to good digestion as nutrition.  vitamin L for laughter.  I remembered to tell Walter about my improved sleep using purple car seat cushion.  he argued he had a memory foam topper.  I pointed out it wasn't working.  LOL.  he argues to keep his pain, doesn't work with me.  he can keep his pain and he can't complain.  I don't argue.  everyone deserves what they want.  

and now "Young Frankenstein."

getting close

watching Harry Potter helps me process my sadness.  a lifetime takes care.  I want clear total healing.  

9 am it was pouring rain 11 dry as a bone.  I cut my soak short to close my car window.  lunch with Fred and Toki forgot comics first time.  

BONUS!  I found box of dark chocolate liquors left at lunch line.  49/64.  exp 8/3/24 booze dried up.  still delicious.  

Bartolo and Della put in 2 hours.  

moved my car for clean up

I was concerned Todds took up my space I couldn't see from driveway to back out.  van in front moved, black multi still in middle.  I don't want to lose my parking spot to go to the library.  10 degrees cooler today.

I prepped and cooked asparagus.  even more delicious after soaking overnight.  plump, juicy and tender.  I snapped into bite size pieces reserving tips.  nuked 4 minutes tossed in tips for residual heat perfection.  and I have stems for trimming or tossing.  my decision.  I trimmed some stems and ate them raw filled me up.

half an hour of heaven for breakfast.  creating heaven takes practice, commitment, dedication.  you have to really want it.  

I'm crying for the unloved baby 2001 when mom died.  they constantly betrayed and abandoned me.  they lacked the ability to love, resented me for their failures.  the days counting down fill me with dread.  

I just realized the cover of release guilt is the oil I painted before 1988.  reminded me of Nora Gemini Books and now she has Angel star.  WOW!

depression as a way of life

my family traditions of alcoholism and suicide.  alcoholism is self medicating, trying to make living tolerable.  not knowing.

I kept watching and re watching 'Genie' Melissa McCarthy missing the message until Bernard sets her free.  thousands of years a captive genie.  me and Walter.  learning to be free.  

I'm feeling glum and today's daily word Joy.  I puzzled then soaked at seniors and decided to try St Justin early.  long line at 10.  I waited picked up sandwiches and weekend bag.  library lots of cars 10:30.  LEGO day.  

kids make me laugh.  

I stopped DNA repair and I'm listening to Kelly again.  puzzle here isn't interesting or pretty.  so I'm reading GUT HEALTH.  it amuses me that everyone thinks it's one thing when I know it's a combination that varies person to person.  chiropractics matters.  

OK I decided I wanted county movies parked in courier spot 4.3 miles.  then feeling good I picked up Sunny and walked Sprouts nothing for dinner I drove to G Lucky's for frozen fried rice and asparagus.  YUM!!  no parking in front I used my driveway.  I expected neighbors to take advantage.  I put out tom's lawn mower.

whew! started to panic

I picked up free drink and almond bear pastry $3/from 7.

seniors I didn't have the spot charger.  I started to freak out and calmed myself down.  I can buy another, probably at home which it was.  

I puzzled, showered, my legs and hips heavy, stiff and painful.  

lunch salmon was good.  weirdest wild rice I ever ate.  no asparagus brussel sprouts substitute yech.  mini Cesar salad.  strawberry ice cream no strawberries and cream.  Walter showed up early with excuses.  I chose a different table due to the early influx and Toki's late arrival.  Fred complained when he was late and missed the first serving and had to wait.  he thinks getting there at 11:30 when serving begins won't take him 10 minutes to clear the line silly boy.  

I walked the health fair and with the excitement I was exhausted.  I napped 3-4.  

13th coming up.  I'm better able to process and heal my trauma and sisters' betrayal.  

I'm feeling guilty for watching my shows

and feeling happy.  Walter is calming down.  I asked him to back off Nahyoung as a favor to me he's thinking about it.  Toki and he held our seats I was very late 11:45 last bingo exercise class I earned 34 wins = 2 bags, car tool, motion detecting rechargeable night light.  I feel rich.  Trudy and Ken even later.  I was too excited to eat turkey gravy.  mash and veg, mash sandwich perfect.  

not wearing a brace my back is screaming.  it's OK.  it's motivating me to keep moving.  

good puzzle

 I soaked late 9:30 and easier.  fewer people, quieter, more relaxing.  

Walter did it again.  he annoyed Nahyoung and Jennifer ran front today.  he's making it toxic and poisoning himself.  he insists he's right bullying her and refusing to see it.  he's doing the same as his dad.  

wheel is not updating.  huh.  

feeling relaxed

I unbalanced my gym bag which fell over spilling my shampoos and I didn't care.  I'm getting back to being me.  I refuse to sweat the small stuff.  and most of life is small stuff.

Walter got into it with Nahyoung acting like a brat again.  he took off acting the bad boy as he was raised.  I've done what I can.  I let go and let God.

I'm praying Walter has a better life

 We deserve best.  praying for Walter, Eric, George is praying for myself.  

praying is constant.  electrical energy generated by our brains sending messages to the universe.  

destruction is chaos.  God created order.  Physics.  

processing depression

this house has so much unaddressed sadness.  I'm releasing energy.  I had a neighbor at my Radio Ave apartment comment.  we are all electric magnetic fields.  

WOW!! 7:49 done DW Guidance

I got in my car 7:37 decided to drive to Danny's recycle $5.11 then seniors.  I started puzzle, soaked 9 am.  drove to Sprouts chick salad .475 lb $2.42 and CU deposit Merriwest.  

I just learned I can charge my phone through the chrome.  I plugged it in and it works.  I checked deposit by phone.  

I rested my back 'til 2:30 went to $tree for chick nuggets crinkle fries and found chick sticks w/mac cheese.  bought 2 wire #2 glasses to replace plastic readers breaking from age.  Welch's 20 oz pineapple soda one time buy 163% sugar and 2 bad dyes.  delicious.  

I keep freaking out.  I woke depressed and hopeless residual family energy.  this house is soaked in bad feelings.  I'm calming myself.  

Epiphany-my mom blamed me for her feelings so she didn't live them.  she didn't take responsibility and doomed herself to always living with them.  this house is soaked in their fear and depression.  that's Walter's game.  he's so steeped in his depression he'd miss it.  he doesn't want to feel happy.  or he's happy with his feelings.

he prefers his pain.  I don't.  

done-my aching back

the pain takes my breath away.  I literally can't breathe.  from last year's car collision.  ricocheting up and down my spine.  I took 1 willow.  15-20 minutes better.  takes down inflammation.

I started exercising early, nothing else to do.  the tables are set up for the health fair for 4 Fridays.  so no room.  I'm hanging in the computer room.  I showered, biked 45 and stretched for half an hour.  

I'm looking forward to what today brings.  change is inevitable I may as well consciously choose my change.

Walter took 2 willow I offered.  works for me.  I stayed for the health fair playing vendor bingo visiting booths getting stamps.  

home for Idiot Test.  and picked up movies to return to Sunny.  

Walter got mad-mom's b'day

Nahyoung pulled rank on him.  he was extremely late so she called him on it and he choose to make it an issue trying to get me to agree with him.  no no no if he ever wants to be happier.  he's behaving old school expecting a different outcome.  may 4 his dad's b'day.  then Hilde interfered of course it's what they do.  I told him to grow up or accept his life.  he complained he won't follow rules.

I want happiness.  I refuse to keep playing 'insanity.'  

my Thanksgiving miracle shoes are 5 1/2.  I thought I read 6 1/2.  

bingo exercise

my back is sore in a used way.  not feeling injured just fatigued.  I soaked, biked, stretched so by 1 pm I was tired.  home 2:30.  I napped watching TV.  

muscles unbound

I soaked, biked, stretched 2 1/2 hours.  

I located cover for CD.  I wasn't sure where I put it.  I put it in my glove compartment.  I want to keep it in chrome case.  

I can't believe it's Tuesday.  I'm freaking out.  mom's b'day and death day are here.  maybe Walter's OK.  he's had the benefit of my counseling I've had no one.  

I soaked stretched biked

my new regimen.  2 1/2 hours of fitness.  if I want to be pain free.  4 hours optimum condition Radio Av.  

3 pm after my games I went to Nob Hill and bought 4 blueberry almonds, 2 Mac, 2 meat, salad mix, chocolate drink I wanted, 4 Tina mini burritos.  

oohh, the chocolate drink is delicious.  I've been wanting chocolate soda.  I ate a green and brown burrito.  I had my beet and gummy.  

5-6 pm Idiot Test making my brain elastic.  

lunch I told Walter about the Gut Health book.  only about 5 pages of info and the rest repetition and case studies.  we all had sandwiches and relaxed.  I got a plate of leftover veg pasta glad I ordered a sandwich.   

I love that I don't have to watch Wheel unless I want.  

Seabiscuit 2003-baby hummingbird gone

I missed it due to my fibroid tumor exploratory surgery.  dealing with the sisters criticizing and ambushing me.  threatening physically violent eviction.  then vowing to help me move.  CRAZY.  GOD knows I still feel brutalized.  I feel trampled by my sisters.  

I've denied my feelings avoiding thinking and feeling the constant pain embarrassment humiliation purposely created from my family.  I can't pretend anymore.  I'm forced to feel it.  

they made me the enemy to form them into a cohesive unit.  the same old blame game Trump and Hitler used to manipulate support to their causes to rally the troops.  fabricate a common enemy.  it works because of pack mentality, simple biology.  always has, always will.  

4 pm I put out trash bin and replaced the liner.  10 minutes outside I forgot to wipe off pollen =sinus headache.  5-7 pm Idiot Test.

I'll watch Tolkien 'War of the Rohhirim.'  

I'm feeling a little clearer.  

I soaked and biked seniors (Mike's memorial)

I had no idea what I was going to do.  I brought in the lb of dried pinto beans and found 7 magazines to read on the bike.  I wore my mom's butterfly wings pin and moonstone bracelet.  

ugh 11:30 I feel sick like it's Aug 26 my anniversary.  waves of dread.  

drove to Legion debating where to park and Gloria showed up.  she spotted Toki who parked next to me.  we went in together it was OK.  I started to cry and composed myself.  they had a beautiful display of pictures of friends and family on vacations, a full life.  and a memento of a bottle opener just like Mike.  Party on.  lunch was by Gunther's restaurant on Meridian Av.  excellent BBQ Mike's favorite.  the music of our lives played in the background truly a celebration of life.  

at 2 I went to pick up holds at central and puzzled 'til closing at 4.  I remembered I wanted chicken nuggets from $ tree and batteries.  home for Idiot Test at 5.  I feel supported and nurtured for the first time in my life.  

it's raining in my heart

and today.  I picked up free 64 oz cucumber lime and bought strawberry hibiscus $2.50.  drove to remodeling Walmart a mess to pay PGE.  fewer OTC available.  my anthem card wouldn't work for beets so I called Felicia customer service.  she's checking and I can go to CVS, Walgreen, Safeway, Rite Aid.  it wasn't me it was the account.  habituated I'm so quick to self judge and criticize.  I'm recognizing and forgiving.   

I get to seniors and yesterday Mall let a woman take home a puzzle who chose Van Gogh.  left crap on the table.  I don't have to touch it.  I remembered Jodi's avocado perfectly ripe I shared with Fred and Toki.  left overs so minimal and not good.  Walter sat with Teresa I came home early.  hurray!  off the hook.

and Cup open 'til 9 I can take my time.  or tomorrow.  my shows preempted by NFL draft.  

I love my game shows more than sleep.  my peeps too.  Fred and Toki are just as anxious as I am about Mike's memorial tomorrow.  Whew!  makes me feel less wimpy.

bliss

I do what I prefer when I prefer.

I'm noticing so much more.  as if I wore blinders before.  my autism. 

10 am I put my suit and towel in car Cody and bookmobile hooray!  car was covered in sycamore pollen I brushed it off and it kept dusting the car.  I fell asleep twice watching Idiot Test and woke refreshed. 

I drove to Sunny 6 pm Sprouts then library.  I considered Cup but found an interesting puzzle stayed 'til 9 closing.  

watching my game shows bliss

I'm finally living my life.  I do what I choose.  I don't take orders from family.  I'm listening to my mellow healing music.  and if I can't handle Mike's memorial I can leave.  

I started reading NOLO on wills and trusts.  the best part is going online printing pages.  

I soaked then biked half hour wanting more movement.  bingo exercise cancelled.  watching game shows is comforting.  

best ever trivia show 5-6 Sherrie Shepherd

I'm having a terrible emotional day.  Jessica at Discover waived my late fees.  

I'm crying for me and Eric, Mike, George.  Walter tried to appropriate my sadness.  Mike's service is this Saturday.  Walter tried to say he knew Mike.  NOPE.  not even close.  reminded me of Ella May.  

7 am Coleman Costco little traffic dime less/gal

I really am a new me.  I'm tired from fighting myself.  overweight people are tired from weightlifting 24/7.  the weight is our protection.  a moat, a barrier.  

fill up was so quick.  despite everybody left side gas tank.  

I washed the asparagus.  soaking overnight the easy way and leaving on the bands 'til I'm ready.  maybe cooked with sausage.  

Me Me Me.  

I'm teaching myself.  

driving Easter Sunday even better than Superbowl

at the big cup Safeway I bought my chips and got my free water.  I forgot library closed.  I drove to Via Vico memories.  

then feeling sweaty I checked out Fremont St gym.  apartments and not busy.  I decided to check Safeway 24 gym and feeling hungry used my found Starbucks for ham Swiss croissant.  delicious.  

proceeded to Sunny library 2 holds 'All Creatures 4' and "Heal'.  arrived 12:45 puzzled 'til 4:30 then walked Sprouts clearance pumpkin pie.  Nob Hill I bought salad $1.98, sour passion fruit frozen chunks sale $3.99, sale $5.99 3 Mac nuts, peas $2.48.  made a great salad.  frozen peas defrost in salad.  so good.  

I forgot idiot test.  watched second hour.  I'm feeling so relaxed from passion fruit.  

I feel renewed senior center

no St Just Holy Saturday.  I picked up my movies, bought 6 $ tree frozen tv dinners and came home.  Watching Seabiscuit.  I loved horse books.  Walter Farley, Marguerite Henry.  

I'm having a hard time breathing.  definitely my back.  with my legs elevated I feel fine.  

I had burrito for b'fast, chick nugget lunch, riblet mac dinner.  

watching Tug of Words-Sunny seniors

I've never had such freedom.  feels new and weird.  I can Sunny puzzle.  

went to Lucky's bought almond bear claw $3 clearance saved $4 and 5 low salt for the price of 2.  freebie sizzle drizzle country crock.

10 am sunny seniors Armando amazing!  live 8 piece big band music Fri and dancing.  mostly Asians I blend right in.  great 30's 40's big band.  2% milk, brownie, banana.  real coffee cups.  good I got here early for parking and seating.  fills fast.  10:30 serving most people pack up and go.  I guess to save it for dinner.  real plates chicken cordon Bleu, prepped crispy broccoli cauliflower, scalloped cheesy potatoes.  so good.  didn't miss home baked whole wheat dinner roll.  cooked on site.  

Sunny library parked in shade and considered puzzles no.  picked up Wicked, Moana 2, Sleep Therapy Music.

Sprouts had 3 calm gummies half price.  $31.  I'm so worth it.  home regular time for 12:30 Lingo.  I'm blessed.  feeling a little tired.

everything next to my TV chair fell over and I just calmly picked it up no biggy.  

55 degrees

Walter is very stressed and tried to dump it.  I'm not having it I refuse to keep him stuck.  

people saying it's going to rain but no forecast.  just clouds.  

I woman ed up and called Pandora Winn to offer help.  I was too sick surviving to process Eric's death.  Walter's problem May 4th coming up.  

Trump paid $6 million to El Salvador for American prisoner detention.  ABC news.  Who'll be next.  

tomorrow lunch at Sunny then library pick up and puzzles.  sprouts, $tree.

no more toxic situations

I've decided Monstro can have the nurses station.  I have the rest of the place.  I have the rest of the world.  people think Marie is crazy.  no crazier than the rest of us and she's basically good.  nothing like Monstro.  not mean or evil.  

Mallory fixed the puzzle blaming the cleaning crew I set her straight on Monstro bragging she does what she wants.  so I played.  bingo was challenging.  whew.  

my Monstro b'day

I forgot.  wow I'm better.  Monstro came looking for me when I wasn't at the puzzle table.  passing in the hall she called me a bitch so I echoed.  

Diane is not a friend.  she took Fred's seat then tried to trade for Toki's.  I don't like my loyalty being tested.  metro sexual offered her his meal she refused to let me have it.  I wasn't surprised.  she's consistently a provocateur.  an odd little ego game.

so home at 12:15.  Sunny has 'Wicked' ready.  I found Moana 2 too.  

I love watching people win money.  makes me happy.  

I cooked a pound of bacon very greasy 12 pieces.  I used the real estate newspaper section and 2 pieces of parchment paper 5 minutes on high and 25 on simmer to soak up the grease.    

I considered Sunny and I'm now full of bacon.  I ate tomato bacon sandwich.  so good.  I didn't miss the lettuce at all.

I decided to return county movies

beautiful full moon from sat.  and a lovely 54 degrees.  I drove up to the auto return and both closed.  I thought I'd have to drive around when I saw drop off .  so I got to the senior center at 6:45 perfectly.  

morning was good.  lunch I got extra mash and carrots.  then Witch was back on the puzzle table I left her saying she does what she wants.  fat SUV blocked me in I had to reverse to load my bag.  and on to my heavenly game shows.  I love people winning.

I looked up 8 Harry Potter movie collection.  Wicked available at Sunny tomorrow.  

Monstro at puzzle table after lunch.  "she goes where she wants."  I have a monster sister don't want another.  I went home 12:45 games I enjoy.  

I've been journaling 50 years

I never had anyone.  and I can't miss what I never had.  yet I feel I'm missing something.  an emptiness.

I have things I plan to do get water from the car, put out the garbage bin, bring in fruit from the trunk.  I have to return overdue county movies.

I'm enjoying being.  I'm watching Hallmark movies about families comparing them to mine.  I never did that.  too conditioned not to question for fear of punishment.  

I tried to pay my city water bill online it said problem with the server.  I used my phone following instructions.  new behavior so stressful.  I'm exhausted.  

10 am Easter egg hunt senior center-YIPPEE!! hot spot 1:50 pm

I went to G Lucky's for clearance 5 pine spray 1 lip balm and clearance $2 hot cross buns.

so cute 3-10 yrs old.  I puzzled, soaked, and watched the kids.  on to St Just.  Charity and Sandy.

happy happy childhood.  I ate one lunch of meat cheese, drank one juice and filling in the spaces with 3 snicker doodles.  happy happy me.  I asked for 2 extra chips.  2 cupcakes.  

2/6-4/12 (due 5/3) without wifi connection.  I paused Sunny.  

I shopped $tree.  6 dinners, 2 hair clips, coconut pineapple water, 2 spaghetti o's.  

full day already

I picked up free pop well prebiotic soda, 2 clearance Zum spray fresheners 50 cents ea, lava Reeses cups.  then $ tree for glucose, flips and metal hair clip, clearance parchment, wax paper, juice, 3 plastic bowls.  

a full day.  

Magic

Rainbow hummingbird has been feeding her baby non stop.  it's big.  

I don't like not knowing yet here I am.  lunch with Fred, Ken and Trudy, Toki.  I got extra from support energy.  

bingo exercise is so good.  I'm missing it already.  I'm having a harder time walking.  my hips and legs. 

I came home 12:30 to watch Lingo and Idiot Test.  2:30 People Puzzler.  3 pm I paid Citibank due today, Merriwest deposit, dropped off Sunny and walked library.  considered and discarded Harry Potter.  Sprouts I bought discount half peach pie and cherry turnovers.  home to good eats.

umbrella light

Saturday I picked it up with a fancy glass perfume bottle at St Just lunch.  it works great.  3 way takes 4 AA batteries.  

I was locked out of my voice mail.  con cell changed protocol to Texas.  it was messed up.  I had to use spare to talk then Hunter had me shut off phone for half hour.  I don't know.  now it works no explanation.

I was soaking and a man reminded me of X

I was so allergic I started sneezing and my head filled up.  I was like that 'til my shower. 

I had tiny seafood salad and 2 extra pasta mine and Walter.  and home 1 pm for the kid idiot test.  so much fun.  Ben is gentle with kids.  he riffs on adults.  

I changed my mind

 auto correct.  

Library Shepherds Purse drying out

seniors I puzzled then I swam.  corner house by library yard sale again reminded me when Todd complained my 2 weeks.  I checked with city 6/year allowed.  I picked up St Just lunch.  Charity and Chris no weekend bags left.    I had completely forgotten rummage sale did a quick walk through.  

I finally realized I don't have to eat the bread I ate the meat and cheese.  and cookies.  I'll have turkey sand at home.  

Friday freebie

small dog food tin and Barralitos soda.  I feel so lovely quiet and calm.  home 12:55 for game shows.  peaceful.  

smoker's cough

I never smoked much, just enough to balance the absence of second hand smoke.  and now I have a smoker's cough.  I finally figured out the herbs I'm taking are removing toxins into my blood.  I have to remember to drink more water and get more rest.  

I'm moving slowly

as long as I'm moving.  as Walt said 'keep moving forward'.  

I picked up salad 11:20 went upstairs group hung out half hour took my spot.  good SALA meeting, Bill explained CSAA responsible for insurance not me.  I don't have to hire an attorney unless I want to sue CSAA.  $2500 small claims.  accident guys shouldn't have threatened me.  

he explained courts charge filing fees for each motion.  that's why Susan Kanclier sent letters to Aiko re restraining order.  every year a new nuisance from the sisters kept me exhausted.  

mourning doves

I didn't have the energy or inclination to process my family's betrayal before.  Glory has the physical ability to leave her family, I'm so jealous I can taste it.  I cried for us 'til 10:30.  I tried calling back Rosie at 8 when upset I wrote 9.  so I soaked to calm myself and called again at 9:30 to ask about 1) car accident referral to lawyers and 2) resolve inheritance advice.  Should I have held my sisters accountable?  would they go to jail for embezzlement?   

bread cast upon the waters.  I was sharing Ramadan dried dates and encountered 16 chocolate truffles.  YUM.

the vague sadness, anxiety, PTSD has been explained.  

CASECONNECT app online ads re car accidents 4 questions huge results?  

I feel sad thinking how many have blackened their souls

planning my lawyer meeting reminds me 2001 greedy sisters making my life beyond HELL.  Aiko standing over me claiming to be the devil.  CRAZY.

Karen Kuek reminds me of my greedy sisters.  I'll pray for us all.  I'm so tired I can't think.  

dog eat wolf world-SALA called

v-m Rosie called to confirm Wednesday app.  Mon closed Tue 8-1:30.  

I went to St Just they had eggs I got pantry came home.  huge strawberry cheesecake, groceries.  Eh.  bought 1 glucosamine, C, cough, biotin, 2 riblet lunch and dinner, brush for trunk sycamore seeds at $tree.  I organized food, prepped some broccoli.  delicious.  

first at G-Lucky's

I got the first free Garden 1 oz veggie sticks.  I walked the store.  they're so disorganized.  

I decided game shows are first, everything else scheduled around shows.  libraries weekends.  I love fun facts.  

Mallory is a Saboteur.  explains so much.  the b who trashed the puzzle was at the table after lunch, pieces thrown, coffee cup and phone, I asked did she read English she said yes and wasn't eating so she knew, then said she needed the outlet I pointed out the one next to the chair she sat in all morning.  a liar and ugly disrespectful cheat.  she's dead.  when I told Mallory she ignored me she's dead to me too.  like Jess not believing chuck over Louie.  makes my life simpler.  she's mean and only does the least- minimum.  she says she doesn't do anything she knows who to send them to.  I quit.  

where would I prefer to be instead of seniors?  

saboteurs

ah, my family.  the puzzle was trashed, I don't care I'll start over.  so like my family.  unfortunately I'm used to it.   

met Fong and Aya nursing students.  they assisted bingo then BP.  

Glory came to lunch and is looking for housing r/t an attorney.  she didn't stay oh, well.  I can only do what I can do.  I called her mail to say I was up stairs she left to get gas no respect no heads up.  I will keep SALA info in car just in case.  she says she won't be back 'til next week.  

took me an hour to find my car papers looking everywhere and then 10 min to find SALA in chrome bag.  I put my Susan Cancilier case in trunk.

I deserve something special.  I'm having a horrible time processing the memories of betrayal and losing my entire family.  

storm blowing in

it matches my upset stomach pain everywhere.  

I'm hating the replacements on jeopardy and wheel.  oh, well.  

last Wednesday Glory confided she's experiencing the same threats of physical violence and eviction I received from my sisters.  I shared my experience of retaining a lawyer and documenting with times, dates and conversations, anything written saved to substantiate the abuse.  hopefully it won't be as bad.  but unlikely.  when my parents died and my sisters betrayed me I shouldn't have been surprised.  I knew they only came around for money.  it felt like my entire family was dead.  I lived in a pretend world until I had to admit to myself how they really were.  I'm still suffering.  I can't tell anyone she's so ashamed.  she feels it's her fault.  

lunch good cooked BBQ chicken I got Walter's extra sweet potatoes, slaw, fruit cup, bread.  and bingo was the best ever.  Elizabeth came 10 minutes late and Mallory helped.  I've never enjoyed a class more not even kindergarten.

I released 6 lbs

I'm loving the Van Gogh almond blossoms puzzle.  I find it relaxing and calming.  I'm enjoying the journey.  

my body hurts everywhere.  my ribs feel broken.  from the coughing.  I'm drinking cold brew chamomile.  it's helping my breathing.  

so sick from pollution

Friday the trees on the patio dropped pollen into my to go box and Saturday I was miserable from being poisoned.  I haven't been this sick since 1985-86 Gilroy's alfalfa harvests.  I'd always get flu like symptoms.  then I moved to San Jose.  

this morning I was going to call in sick then around 8 am I felt fine.  still a lot of chest congestion.  last week I started looking for my chamomile just because it's a cleaner stimulant than caffeine for me.  and today I remembered I had some in storage.  Ta Da!  when mom had bronchitis twice then pneunomonia her ob GYN prescribed chamomile as a natural expectorant.  she was already on a lot of drugs.  I had it growing in the back yard such a pretty plant.  

my stomach is so messed up from the mucus.  

free Fiji water and a quarter-2nd day pollution

my eyes are burning my sinuses hurting the second morning waking coughing and congested.  the shower is the only place of relief.  

The new Lucky's format is not logical probably AI.  AI leen.  they try to cut costs by firing people like trump then they have no idea how to solve the glitches.  

trump is removing people and dismantling government for fewer witnesses and to create chaos.  he's creating a catastrophe to star in.  so tv.  

I discovered Idiot test is on 1-2.  I can do that.  

Inge gave me free ticket to BBQ one of her admirers had to cancel.  

feeling so sick from allergies.  eating plant fighting nausea.  I ate beef noodle lunch and picked up Costco sausage lunch.  Ken and Toki holding table Trudy in line I gave her first refusal on Splenda and we laughed I finally found it.  Fred and Debbie showed up.  lots of city people for Jessica's retirement.  I said goodbye to everyone like a social able. 

baking cups, glucose from $tree.  

loveliest day yesterday-Bratolo and Adela working on Todd's fence.

I'm still basking in the glow.  

I misplaced my key and ID so I got a temp from the front desk.  lilac pass from Miranda.  

found everything.  Bratolo and Adela still working on Todd's fence.  

redoing wednesday-2 police cruisers stopped Todd's sidewalk

Bratolo parked in my driveway maybe triggered call.  I got a lot done organizing car.  house so cold car perfect warm.  

Walter's sis anxiety-Bartolo fixing Dave and Betty Todd fence-2 cop cars

3 panels blew down last storm.  I got home 1:45.  I went out with recycle and Bartolo threw 2 dirty cement bags and stick I put in garbage and moved bin to fence.  get it right.  I won't confront Bart 'cause he lies, he's tried excuses before.  ah, the skin cancer.  

2 cop cars and officers parked next to Todd yard.  huh.

Walter agreed to change his sister's car battery.  and he's stressed.  tried to use me to distract him instead of confronting his anxiety.  I suggested he critical path management his next major project.  he was testing me.  I passed.  

happy b'day dad-Bartolo yd work

watching 'Everybody Loves Raymond' is not 'Father Knows Best'.  comparing and contrasting.

10 minutes to sunny library

sounds like sci-Fi rocket trip.  I dissolved nicotine in an 8 oz bottle of water.  just right.  I put out the garbage bin.  I'm feeling energized.  I woke 7 am.  7.  I haven't felt this good maybe ever.  thinking back over my life I was very miserable.  I must have a lot of company or 'Les Miz' wouldn't be so popular.  makes people think better of their own lives.  

I wonder if my situation is common where I feel better internally as my body is breaking down.  would explain seniors misjudging and falling.  research shows new glasses prescriptions cause a lot of falls.  

There must be a lot of people interested in the book sale.  I was the second car.  or maybe the van is homeless.  they probably always existed but became apparent when Cal Gov R Reagan closed the mental facilities and kicked patients to the curb.  literally.  I'm sure cost cutting saving money by sacrificing people caused his dementia.  nope they're leaving.  the line was all the way across the plaza.  I checked and I found 1 microwave cookbook.  I finished 1 puzzle and took my time going home to marathon Ozzie and Harriet.  

I'm getting ready for tomorrow.  3 pm I had to park across neighbors running a go cart in the street.  probably illegal.  tv reception spotty due to storm due tonight.  

Nausea despite the sun shining 46 degrees

just like '72.  it's the cold temps.  and my spine hurting.  back then I had killer cramps.  I couldn't eat or sleep.  and major post nasal drip.  

I stopped at Panera for b'fast bacon spinach souffle.  I'm finally hungry.

I just spent 2 hours at the book sale.  23 dvd's for $5.  tomorrow Sunny book sale at noon.  1 pm I'm eating my St Just lunch from Chris.  he gave me a weekend bag.  I didn't have to ask.  central library puzzle is really boring succulents.  I'm perusing magazines Trudy has given me.  

I feel wonderfully relaxed and content.  Lee from senior center was here.  Idiot test is on 5 pm for 2 hours.  

dark cold stormy Alice's White Queen

I finally got in to Lucky rewards.  I have to work twice as hard, twice as long to stay in the same place.  I'm in Wonderland or Through the Looking Glass.  or both.

I don't mind the inevitability of aging but come on don't make it harder and harder.  consumer cellular changed their format too.  I tried to pay my bill online then by phone and ended up calling their customer service Sandy.  I finally remembered my secret code or I would have been locked out of that too.  then they cut me off.  hung up on me.  

my music plays when the internet is cut.  but the blog won't update.  weird.  selective service what they used to call the Vietnam War draft.  

Toki asked for Lucky's cabbage.  I forgot Friday free orange coke.  I felt exhausted from the computer reset.  my brain was so tired.  I picked up 2 heads $1.34 and had a nice walk.  6 clearance Kalahari jerky $4.50 ea and pork fried rice $5.39.  dropped off cabbage then Puzzler.

3 pm i decided to return overdue books to Sunny.  stopped at Sprouts pie day cherry $3.14 and cornbread $4.99 and 6 coconut 'bacon' 99 cents each.  fun fun silly willy.  

dark cold rainy

too much like collision weather.  and some are still speeding.  scary.  

I'm still attempting to use Lucky's rewards log in page.  Google even says it's blocked.  it's not me.

Cody checked in and out my chrome hurrah!  10:30 bingo, bingo, bingo!  we laugh a lot.  so much better in a group.

no Toki at lunch, Fred said she had an appointment.  and she called 9:32 am while I was exercising.  

2:29 sitting down.  I've been so afraid to clean and organize.  the sisters have stolen so much already and I get so depressed when I find more missing.  they all stole from me.  my 4 ft fluorescent tube lights and swim gear are gone.  

so it appears I stalled out 2020 from the paperwork I'm clearing.  COVID lock down.  

dark cold windy DST 6:54 am

late opening door.  and yet they stand outside.  I just don't understand.  

yesterday I came home to a hummingbird nest by the front porch.  I wonder if she'll still be there when I get home.  no protection from the storm coming in.  

bingo exercise today!  I won 1, home 2:30 People Puzzler.  perfect.

just occurred to me Karen Kuek insurance didn't make her whole the purpose of insurance.

I name the hummingbird Rainbow.  actually north side is protected from southern storm.  I told the skylight guy to prepare for southern hurricanes.  3 pm it's blowing hard.  Hawaii.  I'm charging everything just in case.  phone and chrome.  

I slept------Duc (Duke-"virtue") at CSAA

huge difference.  I fixed the rip in my Wilcox book bag.  I didn't take it apart (old behavior) I just stitched it (new behavior).  can't see it.  

Walter got me extra meal.  he's thinking outside himself.  combined with mine enough food for 3 days.  and the veg rice has edamame and egg.  I thought it was just egg.  dinner and b'fast.

on to CSAA to fax to Mr Kohlwaies.  I drove the long, safe, slow way.  and I remembered to pick up local map.  home 2 pm after considering and discounting shopping Savers.  Hurray! Me!  I'm caring for Myself.

spoke to stephen kohlwaies-(kolewice)

I'm still feeling terrified.  all the fear from my family trying to destroy me over and over is bubbling up.  

BALANCE

I finished puzzle to calm myself, soaked, exercised.  yard sale next to library I walked back to unfriendly.  in the fire hydrant area full of shepherds purse.  perfect since none at Sunnyvale sprouts.  

St just lunch pickup I thanked Eileen and what a difference in my back.  I got extra chips and a quart of chocolate milk.  my inner child is happy.

I still can't get into my Lucky account.  oh, well.  and I've been so upset I forgot to eat breakfast, wasn't hungry.  

Friday freebie-locked out of rewards-letter "accident guys"

after an hour they over rode computer.  I'm locked out of my Lucky's account.  weird energy.  

Csaa being sued for more money.  the nerve.  she hired attorneys 2/14/25.  I have to put together the accident papers.  

hey, it's a trump world.  he's trying to take over Iceland, Ukraine, he's power mad.  he can't handle one country.  he'll over extend and implode.

I keep thinking Thursdays are Fridays.  I'm ready for weekending.

received a letter saying she was injured and how much coverage.  

6:50 am free 46 degrees

oh, Bliss.  I puzzled and soaked 9 am, Cody Bookmobile 2 movies, bingo exercise Trudy won once and Ken and I more energy winners and lunch was a party.  Fred gave me spice cake walnuts he's allergic to held the table.  Toki and Walter.  Florence and Inge gave us sweets I shared offered to all.  Elizabeth gave birthday hostess 2 cupcake I offered to Toki didn't want suggested I give to Ken.  I gave Inge's strawberry bite to Florence and Donchey.  I love lunch party.  

I found misplaced pink car key and Costco bill.  Whew!  

6 pm best dinner toasted tuna cheese tomato slices on Parmesan olive bread.  I am blessed.

10 minutes drive

and finally rain 4:30 downpour.  

new behavior this first week going back out after game shows.  I'm so proud of myself.  a huge change for me.  I went to Nob to check clearance and regain my pages.  

bingo was excellent.  I'm pumped and sleepy.  they had us do at least 2 minute segments.  they waited to start the music.  

8 minute to seniors

dry and clear.  forecast 30-60%  rain tonight.  

ow, my tummy.  fresh red onion touched cheese I ate.  Fred gives me what he isn't eating he had Boca burger.  the hot meal potato fish was OK.  I got an extra meal.  Trudy and Ken showed up.  I forgot to thank Toki for the giant bag of kettle chips so I called her.  I'm making a point of eating all the veg for my vision.  

I had a smoke.  and my body feels grounded.  I updated my lunch menu.  I ate lunch extras for dinner.  I feel calm.

Girl's day

found a new unopened Twilight puzzle.  

11:08 very late lunch.  

11:30 lunch time

I soaked and stretched, mailed life, withdrew chase, picked up lunch and weekend bag, eating at 11:30.  the lunches my mom, no one made me before.  I've never had anyone looking out for me before.  and now I do the universe.  the grain bread is delicious and crunchy.  I especially like chewing the seeds.

the purple egg carton cushion I got from Eileen last Saturday is wonderful.  it really helps.  

I love my boss

ME!!  I picked up Lucky's free dark peanut chew, 7 clearance 99 cent cheeses and egg avocado.  entered my contests, played on the puzzle.  good to get back to lunch with Fred and Toki.  Walter showed up 11:45 cut off time.  I suggested he try different behavior to flirt and shared how in high school Lance G patted me on the head that just irritated me.  just made me think he was stupid.  hey, I was 16.

Walter is growing into himself.  and I'm feeling connected to the world.

home at 2:20 for my people Puzzler my parking spot blocked.  then I remembered I wanted $5 Friday fruit tart.  I went to Maria Safeway no tarts.  I walked the store for something, anything but nothing.  so I forwent the 4 pm game show and drove to 150 Safeway and bought tart, clearance olive parmesan loaf and pumpkin pie.   Then I drove to Sprouts.  didn't find anything and ate lots of samples.  WOW ME.  so dinner was the entire 6 inch fruit tart I tried to eat half and failed and 2 slices of meatloaf.  

Brilliant!!

Bingo exercise Hong yesterday suggested Thurs. 10-11.  oh, bliss Mallory said 10:30-11:30 next week.  Cody bookmobile I helped clear his bin.  I got toys he didn't want and continued recycling.  I returned Inge's bottles $4.  

what a great day.  half way through class I picked up my lunch and said hi to Toki so forlorn no Fred, Walter and Salome late.  

I came home and organized.  very productive.  

OMG Millers tv

I 'm amazed I never noticed how critical and negative the characters are.  I find them funny because I'm not related to them.   

new puzzle-Rampart street parade

 and today being Tuesday I'll line up for taxes and pick up movies.  

today felt like childhood with cool overcast

auntie Nancy always expected rain because Hawaii weather.  

Inge has recycle to redeem.

seniors tub

2 pm at central library.  I went 12:30 for taxes and was told people line up half hour before start and to try 3:30 Tuesday.  so I puzzled put together end of trail Indian.  and I found a nickel in downstairs copy room.  and 4 movies.  I returned 3 and Good Half is somewhere 7 days overdue.  I found it 3 in chrome case in trunk

I borrowed 4 watched White Bird Helen Mirren at home sobbing.  I didn't know I was mourning.  I have so much sadness stored in my body.  I'm processing, feeling and breathing it out.

George Hirai born 1940 died 12/21/08 throat cancer.  Brian called to inform, invite and drove me from his house valley fair to LA.  memorial service 3 pm 1/10/09, Fukui Mortuary, "Chapel in the Garden" 707 E Temple St.  

I'm having more fun-ADULT

 Fred has seen Pinky and the Brain.  I can be fun fun silly willy.  

SENIORS

Bookmobile Day I'm stressing Cody won't renew my Chromebook.   

I'm feeling sad for all the people.  

OMG  10:51 just remembered to enter contests.

(noel) Shane

newest member Senior Universe.  we are super heroes.  it's interesting to me how unconscious people can be so consumed by their stories.  

BEST HOLIDAY EVER!!

I WAS A HUMAN BEING!  I put out Monday garbage bin.  and Bartolo took care of green bins.  

yesterday started game show channel 65.7 and I watched all day until 10 pm.  so many shows.  

42 degrees

next door cut more tree filled 4 bins.

11:30 wow, I was hungry.  main library book sale.  

seniors was relaxing.  I soaked an hour.  Jin is w/o a car, hit a speeder.  

I used a bingo coupon bought roast beef sandwich lunch w/tiny potato salad.  Monday is president day.  I stopped at St Just for lunch and a weekend bag.  I'm taking better care of myself.  

today's library mom made a mirror to confirm she's alive.  poor little kid.  it's always a boy.  Sunnyvale moms are better.  they don't keep the kids in the adult section.  they let kids be kids in the kid section.  

1972

I'd been married a few months, woke from dream crying I was in heaven w/o ex.  that's when the ex altar boy told me he didn't believe in heaven and like Ail had been conditioned to believe they were the devil.  

Now I'm creating my heaven and he's not here.  

Bartolo filled both green bins.  cleared everything from yard.  amazing.

happy 45th I hope-big wind storm broke avocado branch

Aaron.  funny how things pop into one's head.  I looked him up he's married in LA a cinematographer.  I pray for my niece and nephews a lot knowing the abuse we experienced.  makes me sad.

Paul...Lloyd's friend stopped by puzzle table left his bottle water.  I was talking to Walter and didn't notice he took my lunch bag until I went to return his water and saw my bag on the computer room table.  Mallory overheard and got upset.  makes me sad.

1:45 I got home to find the tree limb half in neighbor's drive.  I left voice mail with Bartolo to come by and check it out.  oh, what to do makes me sad.  he called back 5:45.  too dark.

I'll be OK as long as I can watch my games.