TYRANT TO TYRANT

WHEN I WAS 16 I DISCOVERED I HAD RHEUMATOID ARTHRITIS AFTER MY DAD PUT MY 10 GALLON AQUARIUM WHICH I BOUGHT AND PAID FOR OUT ON THE PATIO ONE FREEZING WINTER.  WE'D HAD A HISTORY OF ME MAKING HOT BUTTERED TOAST AND HOT CHOCOLATE BEFORE BEDTIME.  I HAD A MIDTERM THE NEXT MORNING SO I MADE HIM HIS TREAT AND TOOK MINE INTO MY ROOM AND STUDIED.   NEXT MORNING MY AQUARIUM WAS GONE FROM THE KITCHEN.  MY MOM DELIGHTED IN TELLING ME WHAT DAD HAD DONE THE NIGHT BEFORE AND I RUSHED OUT TO SAVE MY POOR FISH.  THEY WERE HANGING IN THE WATER ALMOST FROZEN.

I FILLED A BOWL OF WATER AND PLUNGED MY HANDS INTO THE ICY WATER.  MY HANDS BECAME RED SWOLLEN AND USELESS.  MY MOM LOOKED AT MY PAIN FILLED FIERY HANDS AND SAID I HAD MY GRANDMA'S ARTHRITIS AND POOH-POOHED MY PANIC  ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF HER MOTHERLY LOVE.

WHEN I WAS 18 I WAS FORCED OUT TO LIVE ON MY OWN.  AND STARTED SMOKING.  MISSING THE EVER PRESENT EFFECTS OF TOBACCO.  I BEGAN LIFE IN UTERO LIVING ON NICOTINE.  MY DAD CHAIN SMOKED AND MY MOM LIT HIS CIGARETTES WHILE CONDEMNING HIM FOR SMOKING.  AND THAT'S WHEN MY ALLERGIES STARTED.

WHEN I WAS 20 I MET WILL.  HE WAS THE COMBINATION OF ALL MY FAMILY SO OF  COURSE I WAS TOTALLY CO DEPENDENT WITH HIM, MARRIED HIM NEXT YEAR.  HE CHEATED AND BETRAYED ME LIKE MY FAMILY.  JOHN BRADSHAW, HENDRICKS AND HENDRIX CLARIFIED MY LIFE AFTER YEARS OF RESEARCH.  WHAT I THOUGHT WAS NORMAL UNTIL I OBSERVED OTHER PEOPLE LOVING AND RESPECTING AND SUPPORTING EACH OTHER.  WOW!

2:18 pm.  I CRIED FOR ERIC WHO LIVED THE LIFE I WOULD HAVE LIVED IF I'D BEEN MALE.  HIS MOM WAS DAD AND AILEEN COMBINED.  THE FIRST TIME I MET ROSE I KNEW HER.  ERIC WAS OPENING A NEW KARAOKE SHOW IN ALMADEN VALLEY.  SHE LITERALLY CAME RUNNING AT ME LIKE A JUNK YARD DOG WANTING TO KNOW WHO I WAS WHY I WAS THERE.  I JUST LOOKED AT HER BEING FAMILIAR WITH THE BULLYING BEHAVIOR. 

AND ERIC IS DEAD TWO YEARS NOW AFTER 60 YEARS 10 DAYS OF LIFE.  IN 1998 THE WEEK ERIC AND STEPHANIE HAD AN ENGAGEMENT PARTY ERIC WITNESSED HIS DAD'S MURDER BY A DRUNK DRIVER AND RODE IN THE AMBULANCE WHILE HIS FATHER DIED.  THEN CAME THE YEARS OF GOING TO TRIAL.  HIS LAST 5 YEARS WERE DEALING WITH STOMACH, LUNG CANCER.  HIS SUFFERING IS OVER MY SADNESS CONTINUES LESSENING OVER TIME.