INSTANT FAMILY MADE ME CRY. I THOUGHT I WAS ADOPTED WHEN I WAS 8 BECAUSE I WAS THE STEP CHILD. I COOKED, CLEANED. I WAS THE MAID, THE FAMILY DOG. THESE KIDS GET TO BE KIDS. IT'S HARD SEEING WHAT MY LIFE COULD HAVE BEEN.
CHRISTMAS FOR ME WAS NO TOYS BUT BOXES. I STILL HAVE A DIFFICULT TIME ACCEPTING NEW THINGS.
I'M BETTER AT KNOWING WHAT I WANT. WHY THEY, MY FAMILY, WENT OUT OF THEIR WAY TO ACTIVELY DENY ME SET UP A PATTERN OF ME DENYING MYSELF. I LOOK AT PICTURES OF MYSELF AND I HAVE A SICK LOOK OF DISAPPEARING. MY SISTERS FAVORITE HOBBY IS DISAPPOINTING ME.
WHEN THE ENERGY IS SET AT DENYING OTHERS HAPPINESS IS IMPOSSIBLE. WANTING OTHERS TO BE HAPPY SETS THE AUTOPILOT TO HAPPINESS AND IT JUST IS.
NO WONDER I HAD A HARD TIME LIVING IN A FAMILY OF SUICIDE. THEY DON'T WANT TO BE HAPPY. THEY WANT EVERYONE TO BE MISERABLE LIKE THEMSELVES.
I WANTED FISH FILLETS I COOKED 6 AND I'M EATING THEM IN BED. LUXURY.
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