loaded picked up free protein snack bar

9 cent corn at lucky's.  shopping mode, dollar tree sardines, sprouts lemon cake, muffins, jack fruit.  filled water bottles kept busy at seniors.  decided on bingo.  bought bag lunch with bingo win.  

great day

i swam, puzzled, returned movies to cody bookmobile, renewed overdue book, picked up lunch.  drove to bev-mo no oxygen water.  parked at atherton clinic.  closed, i called then noticed v mail appointment cancelled 40 minutes earlier.  so i went to main central.  getting hot, lovely cool under parking.  inner voice said take money.  found dusty copy cheaper by the dozen one of my favorite movies.  took to bathroom cleaned dusty dead spider.  picked up complete 3rd rock and cinderella.  combo ready i returned code chrome

dental insurance

only covers cleaning and x rays.  $168.  is it worth it?

looked online yes, it is.

i'm still feeling abandoned they're still dead.  ate the mustard sardines excellent not so much tomato.  i can eat one or two times a week.  not the radical 3 consecutive days.  maybe later after i adjust.

i'm feeling abandoned

lots of deep breathing to reset my chemistry.  my new behavior of keeping library overdues is stretching and stressing me.  it's hugely different doing it on purpose.  

sat in car at seniors maria called.  i don't know.  she wants to come back but she doesn't seem to be doing anything to arrange it but calling people.  first she said she lost her phone for 2 years then it was stolen then she bought an i phone.  i'm confused.  then she said the phone erased my address asked for it to send me post cards and already had it.  at that point i said i had to go swim.  i couldn't listen anymore.  i soaked and stretched over an hour.  i want to get massaged every day.  

gerda perfect timing when i went to car.  i got her walker out for her.  she always thanks me profusely.  eddie, toki, diane, alex, new guy.  after lunch i got last extra fish meal.  diana needed housing help again.  since i was upstairs i asked the new nurse who was more than willing.  both thanked me.  unlike my family.  i puzzled 'til 2:30.  i'm happy, actually happy.

feels like some kind of anniversary

i don't know what.  my stomach was ok 'til a woman came into the locker room as i was finishing dressing wearing a stale stinky scent that upset my stomach.  caused my nose and sinuses to react upsetting my chemistry.  i trimmed my nails.

lunch ok not chicken mol e.  toki, thomas ron's twin, alex, salome very late, diane sat w/linda.  little gloria w/diana.  decided to continue the puzzle upstairs.  feeling exhausted dehydrated from my stomach upset.  maybe dehydrated.  my stomach still reacting.  after lunch i rested upstairs puzzling.  

living numbed out is easier

movies are popular because real life is hard, pretending is easy.  people love movies where everything is controlled.  no one dies, is hurt.  totally pretend.  instead of making their life better watching someone elses' dream.

i know, i'm doing it too.  i'm watching whitney.  i let sunnyvale requested copy expire.  new behavior for me.  i manually renewed tina.  it didn't automatically renew by computer.  

dis-ease comes from ignoring your gut.  3 brains drive the body:  solar plexus. brain, entire organism.  the head brain is the device to plan, create steps to accomplish what the gut desires.  good health comes from chemical balance in the body.  

called cathy.  her timely card reminded me to send 4th cards.  or not my choice.  lovely phone visit half hour she has covid sounds ok.  she has new 'ray krok' pools classes and making new friends.

food is my only treat

june is hard getting through missing eric.  2018 for a month i was test driving cars the year after eric died looking for another newer car to take care of me.  it never occurred to me consciously, i just felt anxiously driven.  the next year covid hit and prices were up on everything. 

i thought i misplaced the life insurance bill and it came in the mail today.  i'm so used to being blamed.  and cathy sent a card.