1986 GILROY

MEMORIES OF AILEEN CALLING ME ON PHONE AT ALL HOURS TELLING ME DAD MOLESTED HER AT 13 WHILE BRAGGING OF HER AFFAIR WITH LARRY'S FRIEND THEIR LAWYER.  AND SHE PRESSURED ME THROUGH MOM TO CLEAN HER HOUSE AND WATCH HER KIDS WHILE SHE CARRIED ON HER CHEATING.  I BEGGED HER TO GET THERAPY.  SHE LIED SAYING SHE CONSULTED A COUNSELOR WHO TOLD HER IT WAS TOO LONG AGO.  I TOLD HER THAT'S A LOUSY COUNSELOR.

IN 1998 WHEN DAD WAS MOANING AND COMPLAINING HE DIDN'T DESERVE HIS MANUFACTURED FRACTURED SPINE I CONFRONTED HIM ON THE MOLESTATION AND HE SAID AILEEN FORCED HERSELF ON HIM.  I TOLD HIM NO EXCUSE HE WAS THE ADULT.  I TOLD AILEEN I CONFRONTED HIM AND SHE SAID I HAD NO RIGHT TO DO THAT, IT WASN'T MY BUSINESS.  I TOLD HER IT BECAME MY BUSINESS WHEN SHE TOLD ME.

DAD FRACTURED HIS SPINE WHILE ON A SENIOR GAMBLING TRIP.  HE'D BEEN COMPLAINING OF HAVING TO CARRY MOM'S STUFF.  I TOLD MITZI WHO BOUGHT TWO MATCHING BAGS WHICH HE REFUSED TO USE.  THEY BROUGHT BACK DOZENS OF FREE TOKEN KEY CHAINS, PENS, BOTTLES OF WATER, DECKS OF USED PLAYING CARD ETC. 

I DID IT.  5 OFF 15 AT PANERA 2 TURKEY.  STOPPED AT TARGET FOR BABY ARUGULA GIFT CARD COVER LONG ZEBRA STRIP.  AND SENIOR 9;46 4TH IN LINE.  LITTLE BEVERLY WAS BEHIND ME AND MOVED CONES TO LEAVE.  LOL, I JUST NOTICED LITTLE BEVER WHILE TYPING.  SOUNDS LIKE NATIVE NAME.

I MUST REMEMBER NOT TO USE MY HAND TO BRUSH AWAY DUST.  I HAVE CLEANING CLOTHS THAT DON'T AFFECT THE SCREEN.  SCARE MYSELF NOT KNOWING WHAT IT IS. 

I'M GOING THROUGH BAGS AND PAPERS FROM 2014-15.  I'VE BEEN UNAWARE I'VE BEEN DEEP IN DEPRESSION.  IT'S SO NORMAL FOR MY FAMILY.  AND THE LAYERS CONTINUE.

THIS MORNING I'M REMEMBERING AILEEN 1985-86 AND GILROY.  SHE WAS LIVING IN PRUNEDALE.  SHE BADGERED MOM INTO PRESSURING ME TO CLEAN HER HOUSE AND WATCH HER KIDS SOMETIMES PICKING THEM UP FROM SCHOOL SO SHE COULD HAVE HER AFFAIR WITH LARRY'S FRIEND THEIR LAWYER.  AND HER GIRLFRIEND DUFFY COVERED FOR HER.  SHE HAD ME CLEAN THE TRACKS IN HER SLIDING WINDOWS YET SCREAMED AT ME FOR CLEANING THE TOP OF THE FRIDGE ACCUSING ME OF SNOOPING. 

AILEEN USES EVERYONE.  SHE MUST BE VERY LONELY. 

THE NIGHT SHE MET LARRY, LORRAINE'S BOYFRIEND AT THE TIME, SHE WOKE ME UP FROM A SOUND SLEEP TO TELL ME SHE'D MARRY HIM BECAUSE SHE COULD TWIST HIM AROUND HER FINGER.  I DIDN'T THINK TWICE ABOUT IT.  IT WAS SO AILEEN.  SHE'D LIE TO EVERYONE AND I'D GET PUNISHED FOR THE TRUTH.  WHEN I TOLD MOM I'D GET IT FROM BOTH OF THEM SO I LEARNED TO KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT.  NO WONDER I SPENT SO MUCH TIME IN BOOKS.

SITTING IN LINE IS VERY THERAPEUTIC FOR ME.  16 CRUNCHES AND A LOT OF THERAPY.  I PLAN AND CLEAR UP BILLS.   READ TO MY HEART'S CONTENT.