6 hours

OF DEEP SLEEP.  I AM BESIDE MYSELF.  NOT QUITE IN MY BODY.  I FEEL RESTLESS.  MY BODY IS TINGLING.  MY HIP SCREAMING.  MY STOMACH CHURNING.   DID COBRA STRETCH NEVER BEFORE FELT IT IN LOWER BACK.

MEMORIAL DAY MONDAY.  TANK STILL PARKED OUT FRONT.  I PUT BINS OUT ANYWAY I CAN.

I'M ALL DRESSED AND RESTING IN PLACE.  SEEMED IMPORTANT TO BE READY. 

I'M WAITING FOR SOMETHING TO DO.  I HAVE A POCKET I CAN ADD AND AN EMPIRE DRESS TO MAKE OVER.  NOTHING ON TV.  CHANNEL 5 WON'T COME IN.  IT DOESN'T WHEN IT'S THIS 90 o HOT.  I MADE NOODLES.  NUKED THE TAYLOR FARM VEG'S.  SAUCE IS TOO SPICY HOT.  NOT JUST GINGER SOY A LOT OF CHILI.  I ADDED CAN OF CHILI, PLAIN PEANUTS.  DELICIOUS.

3;30 PM I JUST FINISHED A GOOD CRY.  I'VE BEEN FEELING ACUTE EMOTIONAL DISCOMFORT ALL DAY.  I WAS FEELING GUILTY THAT I DIDN'T DO ENOUGH FOR ERIC.  AND I TRANSFERRED THAT FEELING OF LACK TO CARLOS.  I CAN TAKE CARLOS LENTILS I CAN'T MAKE HIM EAT THEM.  SAME WITH ALMONDS.  CARLOS ISN'T ERIC.

I LOVED ERIC LIKE A BROTHER.  I DID EVERYTHING I COULD MANAGE WITHIN MY LIMITATIONS.  I CAN'T WATCH ONE MORE PERSON DIE SUFFERING.

4;30 I FEEL LIKE A DEFLATED BALLOON.  MY ANXIETY AND TENSION ARE GONE.

I NEED HEALTHY, HAPPY FRIENDS AND FAMILY.