sitting at seniors-new behaviors for a new life

I learn so much from watching people.  the quest to be first in line.  I prefer no line.  

I was watching New Tricks and the segment on hypnosis reminded me.  the most productive gift I ever gave myself.  Palo Alto School of Hypnotherapy.  Josie Hadley as many others punish themselves.  it's what they know after a childhood of abuse.  she didn't unlearn, instead trying to conquer the past.  fighting never suffices.  fighting continues an opposing energy.  simple Newtonian physics.  Acceptance and Forgiveness for all concerned is the only lasting solution. 

I puzzled, pondered, entered my contests.  I decided no pool.  I showered and went to college Safeway for Saturday freebie.  I must have been depressed last week.  I'm living for myself.  family would harass and harangue me as selfish.

reading People magazine I know why King Charles refuses Harry and Meghan security protection; he's sacrificing them as Princess Diana's replacements.  Charles is being vindictive.  

I picked up free Ardor 12 oz energy drink and Pringles-paid Citibank-Sunny lunch 9:30 Armando

I don't know what I'm doing following Spirit but then I never have known what I'm doing.  and I've always listened and danced.  huh, I never thought of it before I've always danced to the beat of a different drummer.

I showered, parking 8 am #2 space at 24 hour wi-fi.  after Lucky's free drink, sale Pringles, almond croissants I drove to Citibank paid statement and ATM couldn't print receipt.  I tried 6 times.  

I never know what I want to do until I get there and do it now.  I used to have to report my plans to the family in case I was needed.  Toke grills me sometimes.  

today lunch isn't full.  maybe 55 people lots of empty places.  food so much better here I canceled Monday's pick up bag lunch for Sunny hot.  

feeling anxious over tomorrow

today program of hazardous waste disposal.  important to living and breathing.  and the rude people who don't care talking so no one can hear.  so disrespectful.  I can understand wanting Chinese people to go back to where they emigrated from.  they come here to be rude.  I don't like it.  

and I'm OK

I sat in the car writing bills.  I arrived seniors 6:40 am and people waiting at doors.  

I expect the worst.  I need to make it wurst.  I've been trained to prepare for disaster.  I was the first responder in my family.  

I thought today was Thursday.  once I calmed myself in the tub I realized I'm a day ahead.

new record 7 minutes to seniors

I woke with an empty space in the pit of my stomach.  I don't know if it's new or more likely freshly discovered.  discovered uncovered.  I think I've had it a long time.  not always.  I pondered taking my purple pillow try w/o it.  

stomach vacuum is a real thing.  I googled it.  it's similar to the Richard Hittleman Lion exercise.  3 weeks to results.  

lunch OK.  Fred and Toke got the alternate meal.  I waited 20 minutes for cucumber salad.  Hilde like mom loves playing food games.  

home 12:30.  

Maria safeway

I surrender to due diligence.  didn't find anything I wanted so onto gym 2 Safeway nothing.  Cup still nothing.  after driving and walking 9:30 on to Walmart via Sunny.  I drove Fair Oaks to Tasman Grocery Outlet.  I used to shop on a regular basis.  after Eric died I lost all interest in everything.  it's like I died.

I figured out why Mission Walmart is a stretch.  I don't like driving the expressway, through town is more comfortable less boring.  I bought my Co Q and A reds.  home 10:30.

I feel weird.  

leisurely library-forgot free soda

I'm learning how to live relaxed.  scary.  I'm afraid of losing my edge.  I slept 12 hours reminding me of the 8 years bed ridden.  The library is my heavenly haven.  I didn't bring eyeglasses so no puzzling.  

life's difficult without prior experience.  I've never had a confidante only saboteurs.  I have to learn this like everything else in my life alone.  

best memorial weekend 70-71 degree.  stores open tomorrow.  I will continue relaxing.  

home 4:22.  I used home Safeway internet.  I bought cheeses, olive bread, clearance drinks no freebie, no almonds flavors I wanted, salad mix.  I'm feeling rich.  I may check the superstore tomorrow.