I guess it's just mindless entertainment. when they disagree there's no physical violence or threats of murder or maiming. so nothing like my childhood.
I guess most people have a calm simple home. huh.
I decided to park in the sun #1 space at Sunny half hour early. one thing the heat soothes my arthritis. only supposed to climb to 81 degrees. of course hotter in sun.
I've eaten 2 of 4 ripe bananas. I put them in a recycled plastic box. it's like solid pudding. I'm hoping the potassium will calm me down. I'm eating the good bits. some is bruised. goes well with Cheez-It crackers. I've never eaten so much banana before. an experiment.
I remembered I wanted to fill gas and went 8:30. drove in drove out. I checked gas prices online. same both locations.
I ate St Just sandwich + tomato slice for b'fast. I started watching "Wings" TV I don't get its popularity.
24 was good. lovely cool overcast from fires pollution.
I love cutting off the crust and adding fresh veg.
watching "finding your roots" I realize I was merely property to my parents. my rich auntie wanted to adopt me providing me with a better life that mom and dad couldn't accept. and so began their life of toil.
Newton's law of equal and opposite reaction is basically karma. what goes around comes around. "judge not lest ye be judged" warns of self condemnation. my family taught negative values and the results of that thinking and acting. makes me sad it's so simple. they couldn't accept that either.
refreshing shower at 24 then lunch at Sunny 9:30 I'm 4th to last. everyone likes meatloaf and mash. and the enthusiastic dancers. music must start at 9 when they open. it's from 1930s-40s. not our era but classic. the universal language. I'm playing with the menu I downloaded. imagine me downloading.
I love reading my blog. I can see what I've done and the changes I've made.
5:30 pm I'm feeling unreasonably angry today dad's death day. OK I'm angry Mitzi hypocrite crying to me when I warned her to leave him be. so I'm moving to burn off the chemicals. when mom was mad was the only time she cleaned.
he's anxious. I'm done reminding him his body remembers his dad dying October. I don't want to cut him off but I may have to save myself. he does his body a disservice. lack of respect. like the planet the body has a tipping point of no re creation. I cannot witness another train wreck.
I don't know how to engage auto update. sometimes it comes on not today.
and tomorrow I have lunch in Sunnyvale.
I stopped at Chase withdrew, Merriwest deposit, walked Sprouts 3-25 mg CBD $3 ea I thought long and hard bought with 2 goat cheese/$5. then a lovely lunch with Fred and Walter.
I like taking my time. I made ramen added salad and amino and chili. yesterday I made chili burritos. I still have cooked meat 10/14. I am blessed.
I went to 24 showered then Walmart I paid PGE and bought low salt chips for taste test $1.50. sometimes the oil quality isn't worth it. I walked Prune Lucky's nothing. I picked up senior to go lunch then I thought I went to St Just bag lunch. new behavior.
I'm feeling BOING!!
movies and TV gave me a vacation from my nightmare life. I wouldn't have survived without them. I had no one I could trust.
my body and soul are releasing dad's last month and week of his death. I release his pain and suffering. 26 years of his stored pain.
I decided to shower and run. the new me takes breaks. I paid Citibank and decided I can do more when cooler this week. another self compassion. 88 projected so more likely 90 degrees. 60% humidity.
I've enjoyed his movies and now I understand the spiritual connection. "The Chosen One" has suicide, alcoholism, Mutant Message Down Under, Black Elk Speaks, etc. the same warning the last over 40 years that we're burning up the planet. we're killing mother earth. it didn't get accepted because it doesn't fit a category. it can't be easily pigeon-holed and discarded. so it was ignored and forgotten since 2010. I found it by accident.
human nature kills what it doesn't understand.
