I GOT LIGHT

I HAVEN'T PAID MY INNER CHILD ATTENTION.  SO I'VE BEEN AWAKE SINCE 12:30.  WAHH.....

I'LL BE FINE.  I'LL TAKE A NAP.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR FUN?

MY INNER CHILD IS USED TO BEING PUNISHED FOR HAVING FUN.  THAT'S THE ANXIETY.  YESTERDAY WAS TOO GOOD.

GERDA OFFERED TO BUY MY CELERY AND JOHN AT ST J GAVE ME JIM CROCE CD.

MY FAMILY WOULD HATE ME AND THEM.  MY FAMILY IS SO SMALL AND PETTY.

GOD SAVED ME.

5 A.M.-I'M LISTENING TO LOUISE AND READING WODEHOUSE, I'M HAPPY.

NEW MOON

I'M FEELING STRESSED.  I THINK I'M TIRED.  I WAS NEVER ALLOWED TO FEEL TIRED.  I WAS NEVER ALLOWED TO FEEL ANYTHING.  MY FEELINGS WERE RIDICULED AND DENIED.  AND NOW MY FEAR AND ANXIETY ARE BUBBLING TO THE SURFACE WHEN I GET TIRED.  MAYBE THAT'S HOW I KNOW I'M TIRED. 

LAST NIGHT IT TOOK ME HALF AN HOUR TO FIND MY ALTERNATE SWIMSUIT.  I HAD JUST DECIDED TO SWITCH BETWEEN TWO SO I'LL ALWAYS HAVE A DRY SUIT TO WEAR. 

AND TODAY I THINK I PAID MY CITY BILL TWICE.  OH, WELL.  NOT A BIG DEAL.  UNLESS I MAKE IT ONE.

DRIVING MYSELF SANE

I LOVE THE SENIOR CENTER.  I GOT THE NEWSPAPER (2), VARIOUS TREATS FROM EVERYONE.  SWAM 45 MINUTES,  CLIPPED COUPONS, REMEMBERED TO RENEW WEEPING WEREWOLF BUT 9X MAX.  SO I WENT TO MISSION TO PAY FOR LOSING IT AND IT WAS ONLY $9. 

I CAME HOME HUNGRY WITH FISH, BROWN RICE LEFTOVER FROM LUNCH.  I HAD TURKEY BARLEY SALAD FOR LUNCH.  LOTS OF GREENS. 

I COULDN'T REMEMBER WHAT I DID WITH MY BLACK FLORAL SWIMSUIT.  I PUT IT IN A PINK PLASTIC BAG THIS MORNING AND WITH MY ALL BLACK ONE PUT IT IN MY BIG RED SHOPPING BAG WITH PAPERS, FRUIT, JUICE, ETC.  I USED THE BLACK ONE TO SWIM.  I COULDN'T REMEMBER WHAT I DID WITH THE FLORAL.  I LOOKED IN THE CAR, COULDN'T FIND IT.  FINALLY AFTER DECIDING TO ASK LOST AND FOUND IT WAS BEHIND THE FRONT DOOR. 

I'M STILL SCARING MYSELF BUT I HAVEN'T LOST ANYTHING LATELY.

6:37

DREAM OF BUDDY BLACK LAB.  T AS YOUNG THIN ASIAN MAN GETTING INTO BLACK MUSCLE CAR.  WE'RE AT FLORA VISTA WALGREEN'S.  HE STARTS TO TAKE OFF ACROSS EL CAMINO REAL WE CALL HIM TO HEEL.  HE SPOOKS AT PIGEONS ON SIDEWALK.  HE JUMPS INTO CAR WITH T.

BACK TO THE POOL.  GERDA OUT SICK.   INGE BACK.  ART TOO.  AND I FOUGHT OFF A COLD WITH TYLOPHORA AND VITAMIN C. 

I COULDN'T SLEEP LAST NIGHT BECAUSE OF THE 3 CUPS OF TEA AT ST JUSTIN'S SENIOR LUNCH.  SO I NAPPED. 

FORGIVENESS

PEOPLE STAY STUCK BECAUSE THEY HAVEN'T FORGIVEN THEMSELVES AND OTHERS.  VENGEANCE-PUNISHMENT.

I'VE HEARD LIFE IS CLIMBING A STAIRS AND GETTING STUCK IS FOCUSING ON THE FOOT IN MIDAIR.

I TOOK MY TIME DOING SUNDAY.  CAME HOME, PUT AWAY GROCERIES.  WENT TO ST J IN THE RAIN.  ZERO IN THE STORE.  LUNCH WAS HAM, DELICIOUS PACKAGED SCALLOPED POTATOES, GREEN SALAD, ROLL, SUGARY DESSERT.  SITTING PLAYING BINGO I REALIZED I WANTED TO WATCH THE ORVILLE

SO I DID AND I TREATED MYSELF TO BEEF/BEAN BURRITO FOR DINNER.

I FORGIVE. 

WEIRD AND GOOD

LIVING FOR MYSELF FEELS EXCITING AND SCARY.  I GUESS LIKE A ROLLER COASTER RIDE.  THE BUMPS, BRUISES AND EXHILARATION. 

PUZZLE IS A PUZZLING MOVIE.  I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE ENDING

I'M TAKING A ME DAY.  I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE DRIVING.  AND SO I WON'T UNLESS I DECIDE TO TRY A CARL BURGER. 

HNY

I WATCHED DVD AND DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO STAY UP.  WHY DO WE?  I FEEL GREAT.  I WANT TO BE STRONG.  I WAS ASLEEP BY 10.

6PM-DOING WHAT I WANT TO DO IS STILL SO NEW.  MY ENTIRE LIFE WAS DOING WHAT WAS EXPECTED OF ME BY MY FAMILY.  WAITING FOR THE PHONE CALL TO DO FOR THEM WITHOUT A THANK YOU OR ANY APPRECIATION.  JUDGMENT, SCORN, DERISION.  EVERY NEGATIVE IN THE BOOK. 

THAT'S WHAT I HATE ABOUT SU AND HARI.  THEY TREAT ME LIKE A SERVANT. LIKE MARY.  I HATE HER TOO.  LIKE MY FAMILY.

I MADE CRISPY FISH/GREEN SALAD.  CHERRY TURNOVER.  YAY!  ME!