my third area. the front door laundry falling was a balancing act. and the kitchen mess all barricades against the sisters. camouflage. the only way to keep my stuff. they take my things to inconvenience me. huh, they want me to kill myself. dad's alcoholic dad hung himself in the front yard.
theta waves.
fell apart. and I remained calm. it was slightly interesting. I'll have to pick it up.
I went to seniors 7:58 stretched and soaked. I bought roast beef lunch bag then St Justin 10:21 no line and weekend bag. I relaxed and played walking through the book sale. I ate the potato bun from yesterday and juice. back to the bag sale 10/$5.
took me 2 hours to re assemble and sort through shoes and plastic bags.
I waited patiently and renewed my chrome when no holds. so I'm clear.
old timer Viet Nam vet trying to involve me I'm out talking him on Trump. he tried to intimidate my use of chair by claiming I had athletes foot which he already has in great detail on his head, butt, feet.
4:30 starting to cool 86.
I wore my new denim dress. used new 100% cotton beach tie dye towel.
not me.
I soaked and stretched. lunch with Fred, Toki, Walter. Salome sat at the end. she wanted Walter to do something he declined so she's resentful.
lunch was HORRIBLE fatty tough corned beef. I'm delightfully spoiled by St Justin. TYGJ.
I relaxed, puzzled, left library 6:30, walked senior Savers 2 new towels, denim dress $15.
WOO!! home 8 pm.
secretsofpropaganda.com highjacked Louise Hay
Dan Kennedy marketing mesmerism. Russell Brunson new Tony Robbins.
I'm playing. I soaked and stretched. lunch was Fred and Walter. I forgot I had corned beef at home so I gave Ruben the dinner and Elizabeth the chicken covered in red bell pepper.
I returned Maria Twitty's call. an hour of rambling scripture I already knew. she's still grieving her divorce making excuses for him.
I left library 5:30.
soothing. I'm feeling shaky. when life feels great I'm afraid my family will stomp on me. a lifetime of abuse takes practice to erase. I'm doing it evidenced by my fun times.
apple pie and ham and cheese. my stomach is queasy from the dairy. the cottage cheese was worth it.
I'm re configuring my life. I found 3 squeeze flashlights and I'm giving the one with tags to Leta with the valentines swirly straw cup and stretchy turtle hematite bracelet. I decided to store my dinosaur and Disney back packs. 'fun fun silly willy' Pinky.
Leta went to her Anthony's b'day party and I won bingo twice. Marie invited me to sit with the senior center. Jane and Ed were their argumentative selves. they insisted on more cards than they could handle and complained throughout. Ed insisted he wasn't stupid when he complained and demonstrated his stupidity to the room.
I went to Central to puzzle and fill the 4 water bottles I used to rinse my car. very satisfying day.
affirmations set my course for my miracles. 1976 I started affirmations Sondra Ray "I deserve Love" 1986 'Course in Miracles' in Gilroy.
"My Dreams of You" Hallmark movie moved me. sounds unbelievable I know. I actually liked it.
I soaked and stretched observing Dave and the model. he's used to being adored and always faces his audience like a sunflower following the sun. heliocentric.
I'm eating and playing and having my happy childhood. Sprouts had double crust apple pie for $3.14 Pi Day.
more good days.
as I leave this planet I now have fond memories. Bob Hope hosted the Oscars 19 times "thanks for the memories". "Big Broadcast 1938".
the senior's suit spinner is leaking water. still works.
AAHH it came to me my itchy ribs. I'm tickling myself. yesterday I was tempted to fake throw an orange at Cody while shouting 'think fast!' and successfully refrained. and it occurred to me that switching the table numbers at lunch would be an interesting prank and refrained. mom was always pulling pranks meant to instill fear and anxiety. not good ones.
Fred, Toki, Walter all TGIF'd so I went to County. auto return machines not hooked up, I was told to toss in bin.
Sunshine asked if I went to Senior Suicide focus group when I sat next to her.
Louise 1976 blue book. I'm listening and practicing at Central. "
I am blessed by so much food. 2 extra lunches, Walter's tuna celery lettuce tomato, half of Fred's. Cindy's 2 PB cookies. tiny potato pollock hot meal. I ate tuna and feel sleepy.
Thomas, Vera, Inge, David, Martin and Sunshine came to Suicide website focus group. an hour well spent. snacks of fresh strawberries and PB crackers. 2 waters.
new behavior after 3 am bathroom break I ate lasagna b'fast and slept 'til 8. so rested. I dressed and was in the pool by 9. Cody bookmobile 10.
I decided to let Sunny expire today. I already have a central copy and it isn't that good.
central library David showed up at 5 I gave him wooden red bird puzzle Sammy there I asked about his niece. lovely dinner of 2 fish, fresh strawberries.
I'm feeling happy. my back is screaming and I'm OK with it. I'm lying in a warm cozy.
back to work. lunch with Fred, Trudy, Kenny, Toki, Walter still upset that Gil approached him yesterday and everyone scattered. practically evaporated. he had to confront his creating his experience. he was quite crabby.
library I finished 2 puzzles and my walking Savers. I have so much food. Ruben gave me his goody bag and Walter his tuna. I walked Gro O and bought coconut drink. only one left. home at 6 pm. last night I drove the expressway, tonight I drove through town. more peaceful.
I find that interesting. autism makes life interesting. Inge offered note pads and pens I took 2.
a sneezy day. pollen moderate somewhere.
I don't know what I'm feeling emotionally. I'm feeling scattered. an internal wind storm.
I went to Savers after lunch and the library. the new boxed air fryer senior discount $17.49, new red roller $4.20, facial cloths $1.40. Grocery Outlet I bought lasagna $4.99 and salad $1.49. so good.
I'm using DST to advantage. new behavior. I usually just feel resentment to change. typical autism reaction. I'm relaxing into today. I'm deep breathing into my feelings. calming my stomach.
Until I was 4 and we came from Hawaii to the mainland I was loved. while arriving at night I saw the landing lights and thought I was in Fairyland. the next morning was cold drab and loveless.
I changed my clocks. I thought about laundry and decided to rest. the smoked corned beef, potato, soda bread was so delicious. I retrieved the butter from the car.
ooh, bananas. calming food. 3 in car.
I'm feeling so much inner conflict turmoil. this is what addicts cover up just prolonging the pain.
1) I am willing to change my thinking.
2) changing my thoughts changes my chemistry.
3) my chemistry forms my feelings.
4) my feelings=emotions =energy in motion constructs my experience.
I'm resting for St Justin's St Patrick dinner courtesy of Lita Cairel. I don't know if I like it. I feel inner resistance. I don't know. doesn't feel authentic. not my resistance. just stored in my gut.
I'm practicing attentiveness.
I feel resentful of the years I spent attending to a family that never appreciated me. this is all coming out of my tissues. I can feel it in my gut.
I've been truly blessed. Lita shared her beautiful, caring and supportive family with me. they included me in everything, made me feel so welcome. my family in Hawaii is here. the family my parents denied me by moving here.
the battery had to run down to shut off. only took me half hour to restore pages. I still got stressed and blamed myself.
lovely days. library coughing man probably making everyone sick.
Mirreck gave me a dozen grapefruit from his tree. I'm feeling guilty. bad family induced habit. delicious after left over lunch for dinner.
seniors 8 am, lunch, Fred and Walter, 4 extra pcs fish. woo hoo! I rested at central playing in the copy room listening to healing puzzling.
I forgot to fill up the gas this morning, by afternoon already up .25/gal. last night's news warned of rising prices due to war.
I soaked, swam, puzzled, then lunch Fred, Toki, Walter, Salome. I still had yesterday's lunch in the car I forgot. I walked Savers looking at everything deciding on 2 NEW backpacks $5+$4. I decided I wanted to drive calmly so I drove back roads. calm restful, relaxing.
lovely warm 65 degree day I unloaded the trunk and lunches.
I release all forms of sabotage.
seniors ok I walked Savers 30% off. Grocery Outlet lasagna $5 and coconut pineapple $.99.
2 bags Home Depot delivered. 2 pm I put it in the garage. I used 3 plastic tubs and loaded half a bag, 20 lbs. in softener.
I checked Raley's ad and picked up dinner and b'fast, 4 cans of almonds $4.71 ea 7 oz, grapefruit mix $1.50, salad, cottage cheese, coconut electrolyte drink.
Heaven.
odd little movie. I'm watching 'Neighborhood.' I put out garbage.
lovely do nothing day.
I remembered to get clean socks from the car and rolled up the windows.
