I'm watching my movie library- $5 A Day 2008-Sunny 30/61-Bartolo 1-3 pm

I bought so many I've never seen.  new unopened movies.  

You Tube I'm watching Wodehouse Playhouse from the 70's.  PG does the intros.  I remember they were the highlight of my week, still are.  

I'm back after 20 days/nights I watched Jeopardy and Wheel.  

finding meaning-34/61 Sunny spot

I'm re watching Third Rock season 1.  another series with physics.  John Lithgow plays Dick Solomon a physics professor.  

I'm watching Stuffy Durma and No, Honestly on You Tube in bed.  

vacation

 I'm doing what I want sans guilt.  feels weird.  

I'm learning-BBT 2013 vanity card season 7

 I have to remember my teacher Delorise Lucas.  she loved me.  

county hold expired, I requested again, I feel ok.  no guilt or self condemnation.  

Chuck Lorre discussing universal health care mentions the future pandemic that Trump gave us.

The Heart Principle

dealing with dying and death.  it perfectly describes my emotional experiences with taking care of mom and dad and losing my sisters to greed.  WOW!

I called St Justin as self care.  I talked to Joe Bauer who discussed it with Nancy Uyeda.  he left a v mail he'd mail cards to me.   

so many options

I don't want anything but I know I must eat something.  I can go to Nob or J I Box.  or ramen, soups.  

feeling paranoid since Mits' b'day card.  today is 10 days.  I did 2 Covid tests negative.  

I toasted a muffin and topped it with mild spicy tuna.  and a cup of coffee tea retrieved yesterday from the car.  

I called St Justin I decided not to push myself for Saturday.  I've always forced myself (pride ego?) loyal to the family.  I'm done with self torture.  they insisted I suffer.  

I've finished book 2 Helen Hoang.  I have Autistic Exhaustion.  

still not hungry

 I'm eating tiny bits toast and yogurt.  

dream of oldest blonde son shot gun-forgot property tax-Hiratas care package

lucid color dream Aiko killing mom and dad.  I've resisted accepting Aiko and Mits killing mom and dad keeping me stuck and physically sick.  Mits even admitted to me.  they dump their sickness on me.  

I opened a can of 20 mg CBD took one sip before sleeping.  I don't want to admit or accept my family is so sick.  I've been carrying it time to put it down.  

I finally found my car keys looked for Citibank bill found property tax I'd forgotten.  paid online with Disc.  I managed to toddle out to car moved it forward further under tree.  small bottle water.  

Hiratas in Hawaii sent care package.  exact same last year.  

cancelled lunch and called Toke

I don't miss it.  I feel relieved.  it's like a job.  I exercise then lunch and the library.  boring.

6 pm found Toke's call re her washer laundromat and repairs.  

still coughing paid-disc-cell-city

I'll use blog to track bills.  means I missed Citibank 10th.  

I'm thinking of Kyochan/Amy. she was the oldest of Waipahu auntie and uncle.  she had a delicate way of doing things.  she put herself through nursing and took care of her brothers and sisters.  she and Charles grew up together in Hawaii.  then Amy brought them all to LA.  her dad was an alcoholic.  mom would have him stay with us a week in the summer.  he was her eldest brother.  

still sick

 1996 Matilda movie.  I was too busy keeping the parents alive.  

I keep forgetting chamomile

for the horrible cough going around.  I gave Judy/bonny the loose chamomile tea when Judy had the cough.  

I went and filled the gas tank.  19 mpg not good I've been warming up the car and using the heater mornings.  so cold.  

I printed out sunny senior menu just in case.  

guess what day

lovely overcast 46 degrees 87% humidity perfection.  I soaked and stretched at seniors after puzzling hour and half.  

St J choice of ham cheese or PBJ.  PBJ please with chips and weekend bag.  my legs are sore from the junk food.  sugary and processed.  

I have my snacks + books=heaven.  listening to my music.  

when you have a cold

I didn't think to pick up anything at dollar tree and I already had cough gel caps.  

I picked up calendars, cards, a planner for next year.  

Walter remembered my b'day with assorted dark chocolates.  no Toke she told Fred.  not as many people our table was omitted I had to hunt for seats.  I got bumped from Inge's and sat with Ruben.  Joe the veteran snaked the pineapple I set out for Toke.  I took it back he says he thought I gave it to him when he took it off Toke's place mat.  I never gave it to him.  Walter and Fred looked at me.  I never argue with the insane or stupid.  makes me insane and stupid.  

sitting in the library copy room is so much better than out on the floor.  cozy listening to my music.  

2:30 I decided to head for home, St Just 4 bags of groceries out I took yogurts and 2 TV dinners.  the cheese raviolis were OK, the hamburger was good.  

silly savage

Walter continues to deny he has a cold.  he admits not drinking alcohol and dehydrating himself has reduced his pain.  

Walter shared his cold

 I've listened to his sister story a hundred times now I have one.  he made me sick.  my immunity and resistance will be up.  

I put away the hunting lodge puzzle and I'm starting the London from Sunny.  clear lines vibrant colors.  

I'm finally eating my sprouted almonds.  I'd eat a few and do something else.  then I didn't remember which bag it was in.  

I picked up and redeemed recycles $7.58 a little better with cans and bottle.  1 pm I went to post office mailed life bill then Inge's and Danny's.  home by 2 housekeeping.  

ramen-mailed life insure and Bartolo

made turkey cranberry soup b'fast.  I love watching people win Split Second.  good for my digestion.  

my auto update stopped.  Marie button holed Walter upstairs after lunch.  Jinx.  I almost forgot to pick up hot spot and to return and refresh the secret CD.  Inge at lunch has recycle ready another Jinx.  I almost did that.  WHAT A PREDATOR! with a feasting gleam in her eyes she says "Susan says you're having a hard time with your dad's death."  I told her no I didn't.  not her business.  and I told Walter she does that to manipulate and control.  she tried to get an invite to his apartment.  he fended her off gracefully.

beautiful day!  63 degrees.  

Freaky Friday musical horrible.  Alex Desert the only good thing in it.  

I decided to return Sunny hot spot and I borrowed Queen Latifah Bessie movie.  I stopped at Nob for a salad mix and dinner.  home I removed some lunch bags for recycle.  

one more meal-DD PERS 11/26

going to bed at 7:30 is wonderful.  after everything I did I had anxiety and processing fear all night.  

soaked and stretched.  my stomach finally doesn't hurt.  I expected my back to hurt from filling the salt.  and I put out recycle and garbage bins.  

Walter should s everyone.  he suggested I go online to track my banking like I'm an idiot who hadn't thought of it r/t I choose not to make myself vulnerable on the internet.   

I'm checking my bank by phone.  and my new PERS direct deposit started Wednesday 26 because of the holiday.  5 days early.  

he spends so much time and energy on repeating the past.  no time or energy to create a better future.