paid water

I bought my blueberry almonds limit 4.  I never noticed before.  

I'm slowly filling tabs.  

 

I'm still struggling

on checking my Emails I forgot to pay Discover new due date 23.  12:37 pm paid.  

I came to library to enjoy the cool from projected 88 degrees.  I drove back way through Kaiser and huge dark SUV changed lane sped up to HHONNKK at me and I didn't care.  I had planned on chips pick up at Safeway but diverted to St Just for lunch pick up.  I was early enough for a weekend bag from Sandy and Chris.  

library online I had free soda at Safeway.  I went for pick up and I needed my phone to pay Discover.  and this morning I'm preparing for thank you to my Christmas cousins.  

I feel I've turned a corner.  

I sat for an hour before I remembered I brought my purple pillow.  

3:50 program crashed I successfully recovered Email and blog before having to leave closing.  

memories/flashbacks/PTSD

1976 I became agoraphobic afraid I'd kill myself and take out an innocent.  I didn't know about my suicide heritage I was just reacting to my abusive neglectful marriage.  

last two nights lucid dreams of castle/mansion with waterbeds and vaulted ceilings.  and a silent kitchen remodel while I slept.  I'm being cared for I need not worry.

no Lawrence Lucky's eggs

none shipped no rain checks.  eh.  I bought cucumbers and tomatoes and clearance almond croissants.  

my back is so much better using the purple pillow.  lunch with Gloria, Fred, Toke, Walter.  it's nice Fred is giving Walter a remote control drone and solar panel.  

I was depressed the chrome sipped off my cart and was dragging on the pavement shaved a bit of the corner off.  I felt an idiot.  I continued on to Prune ridge Lucky's to check clearance and bought 2 dozen sale eggs and mini clearance lemon pie.  I feel better.  a winner.  and I redeemed tickets I have over $16.  

48/61 Sunny hot spots added 25

whew!  so I paused central 43/36.

I get to really play.  no rules.  my rules.  queen of my universe.  

7:09 am

thriving from surviving.  I woke to more paranoia about car insurance suit.  family fallout.  

I finished the geode puzzle.  all there.  soothing 2 hours with music.  

living

thriving or surviving.  I keep suggesting to Walter to journal.  the first step in releasing the past.  get the trauma out of the body the mind outside to separate, the first step to release.  he refuses to try declaring it won't help.  if you don't try it never works.   the only way to stay stuck.  his choice.  he wants to feel badly.  

Panera egg bacon $8

and $2 chocolate croissant.  Lucky's free Colombe 12 oz cold brew.  3 light salt chips $7.50 and 2 free clearance Cole slaw kits.  2 game tickets.  overcharged me $1 salads.  

Diana gave me 4 Lucky's game pieces.  I gave her coupons I picked up today.  I got extra lunch fried rice and tuna sandwich.  I ate the tuna and had to nap.

co incidence "keep calm and carry on" answer on both The Chase and Jeopardy.

Juneteenth=Freedom

freedom is a mental as well as physical condition.  

oh, I make myself laugh.  yesterday I walked all over couldn't figure where I put my rinsed lunch utensils and they were in my coffee cup the entire time.  retraced my steps, looked in the car.  I'd worry but I've been attention deficit my entire life a good thing I can't hold a grudge, impossible.  I can't remember it.  trauma is a body memory nothing to do with the mind.  

I'm resting my back.  using my pillow.  watching my game shows.  

doing what I want fear of punishment

 I've only been free a very short time compared to my lifetime.  

I love the geode puzzle

very relaxing.  beautiful colors.  

I'm sitting in my car after lunch and still have internet.  

I let go

 

guard was sitting in my chair I don't want attention

I decided last minute on library when I remembered Father's Day fewer people.  that's why St Justin's closed yesterday.  

I threw everything I need to repair sass skirt into shoe box.  I feel so efficient.  and I fixed the Velcro bite.

and I feel sad dad was not my father just a sperm donor.  I never understood why mom told me I was the mailman's child.  she said crazy things.  so when she told me I was crazy I knew she was crazy.  

just makes me sad.  

unplanned day-all Sprouts CBD on clearance discontinued 99-$1.19

oh, what a day.  10 am I went to St Just closed.  I drove to Sprouts enjoyed walking store bought clearance kid's ham cheese $4.19, water, applesauce,  Uglies too much sugar BBQ chips, cookie and CBD grapefruit seltzer.  better bag lunch than seniors.  

Surprise!  since I was close I went to shower @ seniors and Aging Fair by Source wise.  I share CBD info and Young man's father just had knee surgery wanted to try.  got lots of info and toys.  talked to Toke, Trudy Kenny made Toke take a free insulated lunch bag.  

I just say things and someone needs to hear it.  

BLISS!  I'm installed upstairs at Central, feet up sitting on my purple pillow entering my sweeps.  I ate my lunch, puzzled a bit and now I'm digesting.  I'm using more of my toys having more fun.  Scary as it is.  I'm afraid something terrible will happen.  like the car collision and now insurance. 

3:30 started leaving for Safeway for sale fried rice and sweet sour chicken, salad mix, free propel 20 oz drink, and clearance $2.50 8 X 8 cornbread.  home 5 pm for Idiot Test.  

9 pm watching Lon Chaney Jr 'Son of Dracula' and James Brown biopic 'Get on Up'.  

free drink Lucky's

I'm still stunned.  our liberties are evaporating like in Germany.  I'm practicing my heil Trump.  and seniors are business as usual.  oblivious.

7:10 am sore stomach muscles

the nerves coming back online.  Walter asked about my back and why I go straight home he was happy my back is killing me.  Sick!  no Toki only Fred.

Horrible.  TMZ doesn't get Trump loving people suffering in Les Miz.  Trump took over the Kennedy Center chairman of the board packing it like the Supreme Court.  how can they be so blind?  Trump loves people suffering all people.  in that he's democratic.  he wants to see everyone suffer.

and they're shocked to see Senator Alex Padilla disrespected.  where have they been?  Trump has been testing the country incrementally getting away with more and more a dangerous toddler in charge.  Trump is testing with California to see how much he can take over and dissolve democracy.  California is litmus paper.  I fear for Governor Newsom.  I'm very afraid for all of us.

I'm not happy

I'm waiting on mountain time.  Letter Of Representation.  2 voice mails Stephen Kohlwaeis said standard computer letter he'll let me know when he finds out anything.  as soon as I go to do something after waiting for his call he calls.  the collision makes me feel the universe hates me like my family taught me.  I'm unlearning.

lunch was interesting.  Fred packed his lunch and took off, Toki was late, Walter sat with Inge.  he's a pope always pontificating.  except for them I'd lunch at Sunny.  Toki said Yu Ai Kai going up to $5 on July 1.  

the pollution from Canadian wildfires hurting my stomach-CSAA letter

and therefore my back.  it's all connected as much as people compartmentalize to understand life in bits.  oh my nose, throat, stomach and back.  

I wonder how the Canadians are doing.  

after tub my back is screaming.  feels broken.  my stomach is cramping like 1972 and 2001.  I'm sipping grapefruit to ease the acid.  my feet are two blocks of ice from pinched nerves poor circulation.

and it's worse.  I got letter from CSAA Stephen Kohlwaies regarding last year's car incident they determined over 51%=100% fault.  what it means I don't know the effect on my insurance.  

I cooked noodles to pamper my stomach with broth.  my eyes are burning and I'm coughing.  

so sleepy bad air lack of oxygen

back to work.  I checked gas prices same 95050 opens at 5 am 95051 at 6 am.  

my toe nail appears to be correcting.  it looks spatulate like mom's.  only half so it's healing from car incident year and half ago.  

amazing

I dressed and relaxed.  new behavior going to Nob Hill.  no clearance, none, nada, nothing.  I entered my contests and bought frozen green peas and 2 burritos.  

9 am around end parking 24 hour

I had a desire for spaghetti o's bought 4 at $ tree.  

on to St Justin I saw Gloria whose dad died 2 weeks ago when he went into the hospital 3rd time.  she's hanging in keeping busy walking for her life.  

internet is spotty due to aurora effect.  frustrating.  

Sunnyvale library 4 pm pick up then on to Nob Hill 95014.  huge store.  they have more flavors.  bought sweet sour, pork fried rice, salad mix.  5 miles home 5:26 pm Idiot Test.  I cooked everything using the microwave it was delicious and easy.  I ate fruit tart while 'cooking.'  heaven.

did too much without my purple pillow in the main library.  back too stressed tonight.  

7:45 too early #10

#1 opened after I'd parked.  I considered re parking, nah.   

I have until 9:30 then Cup library for pick up.  I entered my games.  I walked Lucky's, redeemed 3 tickets and bought cucumber 99 cents.  I'm feeling mellow.

sitting waiting 9:53 Cup library I remembered I wanted to renew my car registration using the kiosk at Cup Safeway and I bought my$5 Friday  fruit tart.  and looking through Nob Hill ad I have 'til 10th for Innovasian sale fried rice $6.99 in Mountain View.  

11:17 lunch was OK.  Fred saved the table, Walter arrived before Toke, Salome was last.  we got ice cream.  left overs from some function so they can charge the senior program.  I know accounting.  

bit by bit-yesterday seems a lifetime ago

I'm ready planning a new life.  I was overly tired last night.  exhausted and restless.  then I remembered how much I accomplished.  today I showered and stretched then walked Lucky's bought almond croissants.  started to redeem bonus points Rosemary clerk only 3 tickets at a time.  The checkout line got all backed up.  another day.  

I love meditating on world peace.  lunch was OK.  Fred gave me half of the Korean nasi goreng.  looked like dog food tasted eh.  Salome and Walter are the same flock.  Toke seemed happier than usual.  

I fell asleep halfway through People Puzzler.  I'm organizing my toys.  I love playing with my toys.  Watching Person Place or Thing Melissa Peterman and Leah Remini are so supportive of their contestants.  that's what I miss from Wheel and Jeopardy.  Ryan is easily intimidated and Ken is arrogant.  Pat likes people and Alex knew his answers were furnished.  

8 am good parking @ gym-mailed fit test-banking-laundry

I'm ambling.  I mailed my fit test, withdrew Chase, deposit *1, and Lucky laundry 1.1 mi.  $4.75 for 2-3 load machine.  

lunch better than usual.  at least mine was.  I got extra potatoes and later veg.  maybe she holds back because a lot of people toss food.  Fred saved table 7 miming to me he was so early.  they opened door 11:07.  they make it harder.  jen, amber, hilda.  they keep insisting no new lunch applicants when I know Sunny is still accepting.  

I took my time made 3 trips with heavy wet wash.  I just remembered i have chips in my storage.  

7:45 gym-Divine Order-DO

pondering laundry and how it's a 'new' concept.  all the 'modern conveniences' that are incinerating and poisoning the planet.  and making gymnasiums necessary.  and the subsequent distorted bodies.  

and thinking of neighbor Josie R not liking the senior center.  I felt an affinity because mom had Kaiser mandatory classes there after her suicide 'mistake'.  

I'm binge watching New Tricks.  I've gotten to the changing of the guard.  they went off to act in other projects.   

I took yesterday as my day of rest

I pondered many things to do and stretched and rested.  

today my new behavior lunch at Sunny.  never on a Monday.  my 3rd time.  so many garlicky people.  so many kind courteous characters.  so many Asians.  feels more like Hawaii.  the whites here actually like Asians.  Santa Clara feels prejudiced.  after a lifetime I know prejudice.  prickles my skin.

today I sat by the door to watch the procedure.  we get a place mat and metal utensils and Melmac coffee cup.  5 piece band at 10.  it's nice to listen to music r/t complaints or 'god ain't it awful's.  I feel so relaxed despite the halitosis.  lunch was good.  sole, couscous, roasted sweet and purple potatoes, mixed veg.  Unfortunately insanity Claus sat opposite thinking he's a comedian.  he insisted all he thinks about is food, what's for dinner.    

home 11:40 after music done 11:30.  plenty of game shows.