WHEN AUNTIE IS GONE. DELORIS LUCAS PROJECTED LOVE AND I CAN FEEL AUNTIE LOVES ME EVEN 3.000 MILES AWAY. MAYBE THIS TIME IS FOR SORTING THROUGH MY EMOTIONAL LIFE MORE THAN MY THINGS TO DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN THE USERS AND HELPERS. THOSE WHO SUSTAIN ME AND THOSE WHO DEPLETE ME. WHY THOSE AROUND ME UP LEVEL AND I SEEM TO STAY THE SAME. I'M EXHAUSTED. I FEEL THE WELL HAS RUN DRY.
MY TV SHOWS AND MOVIES PITIFULLY BARELY SUSTAIN MY NEED FOR LOVE. HUMANS NEED EMOTION TO SURVIVE. ENERGY IN MOTION. WHEN THERE ISN'T LOVE ANOTHER EMOTION IS REQUIRED FOR SIMPLE SURVIVAL. THAT'S WHERE FEAR, ANGER AND HATE PERVERT THE HUMAN CONDITION. ANGER AND HATE DESTROY. LOVE SUSTAINS AND FLOURISHES. FEAR IS THE SIMPLEST EASIEST. WE'RE BORN KNOWING FEAR. PEOPLE FLOCK TO SCARY, THRILLER, HORROR, UGLY STORIES TO GET THEIR ENERGY FIX. AN ADDICTION VERSUS LIFE SUSTAINING.
WE ARE LOVE. LOVE IS SUSTAINING. WHEN IT'S RETURNED IT BECOMES A CYCLE OF HEALTH AND HEALING. WHEN ENERGY ONLY GOES IN ONE DIRECTION IT IS DEPLETED. ON TO THE NEXT FIX.
ALL MY RELATIONSHIPS WERE ATTEMPTS AT LIVING IN LOVE. EXPLAINS WHY PEOPLE HATE THE SIMPLE. MY FAMILY HATED THE LOVE I AM. THEY NEEDED ME TO FEED OFF OF. EXPLAINS THE ISOLATION. THEY NEEDED ME TO THEMSELVES. MY GRAVITATING TO PEOPLE WHO COULDN'T LOVE ME ONLY USED ME. CRITICISM AND ABANDONMENT. ADDICTION ALWAYS DEMANDS BIGGER AND BIGGER DOSES I COULDN'T PROVIDE. THE BETRAYAL IN THEIR SEARCH FOR MORE. IT WAS NEVER PERSONAL. AND I WAS ADDICTED TO THE ONLY FAMILY I KNEW.
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