dad was chronically depressed-gas $5/gal

my changing body

I soaked and stretched for an hour then biked 47 minutes.  I love reading Wodehouse.  I'm stretching as I go.  

lunch with Walter and Gloria OK.  Leta gave me her fish sandwich.  Ruben gave me snacks.  in the trunk getting Cody snacks I found crushed oreos.  yay! still good.  

finished 300 pc puzzle of hot air balloons.  

my trail mix opened in my chrome book bag I didn't feel upset it was oh, well.  new me.  a miracle.

home early 4:30.  I ate fish sandwich and cookies dessert.  

I'm Amazed! PAID DISCOVER by phone 27 CAP ONE

sleeping to "Blandings" like a baby.  awoke every 2 hours totally relaxed.  

took supplements, dressed, gathered books, closed up the house, and drove to seniors.  I left grocery overage in front I needed the paper bag.  already hot I changed for the pool.  I ate a protein bar.  

after an hour in the pool I changed to shorts and cycled 45, 30 and stretched 30.  reading Wodehouse on Gutenberg.org is a pleasure.  funny Fred showed up.  

lunch was OK.  Hilde brought leftover meatballs diced carrots to the back.  Walter took 1 each, I got meatballs.

I decided I might go back to the pool with my new suit at 4.  I'll see.  

wore wet suit for an hour.  I ate some dinner.  relaxed rested.  home 6:30.  finished dinner macadamia trail mix dessert.  

practicing pacing

someone stole the puzzle box and picture left the completed puzzle.  not my business.

Gohan put out a 6 bottled collection of world coins.  whew!!  they took it downstairs to Jon.  

I finished a 300 puzzle.  93 degree outside.  central under garage 76 degrees.  lots of people enjoying the air conditioning.  Ruben gave me his St Justin tunas, juice, chips.  I found Saturday pastry and Elizabeth cookies.  a feast.  I napped.  I guessed wheel "go for broke" 442 motto.

7 pm Campbell's pork and beans sandwich.  just what I wanted.  

tres leches parfait-paid phone

pretty funny 3 milks in Spanish and parfait in French $3.59 for heaven.  Mmm..  lighter than the chocolate.  and clearance 4 oz macadamia trail mix $1.74.  Bank of Safeway Homes.  

I picked up my 12 movies from county after lunch, parking good.  

upstairs halfway reading prize choice of toys I picked key chain.  

oh the seniors tub was wonderful.  I could go back.  

half b'day-Elio film

I'm still releasing negativity and self criticism.  it was never mine.  they installed it I release it.  per Delorise Lucas I send it to the river of forgetfulness.  

the adults are projecting and bombarding the kids with their weird ideas.  I'm so glad I'm old.  too weird for me to understand.  outer space has no answers to inner space questions.

8 am immobilized by back spasms.  pain nausea.  I usually suffer at seniors.  I'm trying kava and magnesium.  breathing through the pain.  my stomach and back left ribs and hip.  stretching hip and tail bone decompressing nerve helps.  grapefruit lozenge for the nausea.  it usually occurs at nurses offices.  

overcast from fires.  64 degrees 77% humidity.  I got and opened grapefruit mixer.  

12:30 my body still sore, I feel tired and weak.  I cancelled Sunny holds and requested anew.  I've always forced myself to meet commitments when no need just family pressure.  I'm resting my tortured body.  self compassion.

hoppers film 3/6/2026

it's different.  it's beautifully rendered but weird.  fantasy sci-fiction.    

so many options to picking up films from Sunny and county.  

24 hour I soaked and stretched 104 degrees.  older manager reset my fingerprints.  flexible faster.  still a meat market.  saw Vicky Jessie's sister.

St Justin 10:15 Sunshine is quite the schemer.  she takes Ruben's extras.  used to be Bonnie.  

and I forgot hot spot at home.  central reception weak.  1 pm returned home found it in it's bin.  until I found it, back to self criticism.  it's less still mom's lack of support.  removed small bucket of garage freezer ice.  

I refilled Stevia and protein containers.  productive day.  I napped 4 pm an hour and a half.  weekend jeopardy and wheel.

oatmeal

I love using what I have.  

Yippee!!  Tom called I can refuse.  I want a better life.  

I have a better life.  Walter gave me his bowl and I got potatoes.  Fred and Toki perfect parents.  

Safeway $5 Friday sushi and water $2.89+.05=$2.94 free.  and 2 clearance salmon Cesar salads, carnitas I froze.  excellent for me.  

feelings

e motions (energy in  motion) create everything.  the building blocks of the universe.  everything is energy in some form.  master emotions and rule the inner universe.  

to Trump his inaccuracies aren't lies.  he truly believes his lies are true.  

I puzzled, soaked stretched.  Ruben gave me 2 PBJ and Fritos.  lunch was not good.  tough dry pork, noodles, Brussels sprouts I tossed most.  I have corn chili at home.  

I puzzled 'til 5:45 resting and relaxed.  HEAVEN!!

fun fun fun

I'm playing all day.  resting from walking all over yesterday a new record home 8:45 pm.  

I puzzled then soaked, stretched and forgot my towel used face cloth.  I was more tired than I realized.  took longer and worked OK.  slowed me down naturally, peacefully.  

Soul On Fire

 true story of John O'Leary.  most excellent.  5 stars.  

someone left 3 mini Ensure chocolate, s

Paul showed up after lunch I gave him his bag he was happy gave me 2.5 oz bag salt vinegar chips.  

white woman came to compete on puzzle.  after half hour she lays piece telling me "it goes over there."  I let it stay there.  I am astounded at the nerve.  I'm neither her mother or her servant.  I should have asked how much she'd pay me.  

I finished quickly w/o her "help".  

I went to Mission library Walter Cariel and college Safeway nothing thinking of central I went to Homestead Safeway corndog $2.49 and chocolate parfait $3.99.  I'm worth it.  Savers I bought roller and tiara $10.  Grocery Outlet Walter Cariel asked if I went to Savers.  when I told him what I bought he said he just donated his mom Leta's 90th tiara.  

ready to go-found uncle Dickie dime-paid Bartolo, mailed life

 pain free today.  miracle.  and auntie Tomie.  TY.  

after seniors I went to college Safeway bought 2 clearance salads and realized I forgot to fill water bottles.  considered my options I went back to seniors, filled bottles and ate salad.  Paul Lloyd's friend was there I offered him one.  he accepted.  I opened it for him.  he was Very sad and inebriated.  he sat awhile then mumbled something and I guess went home.  he left his bag of alcohol.  I waited an hour and put it in the trunk so he doesn't get banned.  

home I ate the other salad.  

FREE! to be

they loved the way they knew unwilling to learn better.  they chose not to be better.  I know better and do my best to be better, the only way to improve my life.  I've had it hard their way.  they prefer suffering I don't.  they insisted I suffer with them.  no thank you.

I decided to finally watch Life of Pi 2012 an artistic Ang Lee film.  book published 2001.  lots of buzz.  too tense for me then.  I'm catching up at my speed watching TV, listening to Louise, and reading Wodehouse.  

reading Coping With A Difficult Older Parent I realize Walter has become my dad.  

my TMJ and skull are so sore.  and the chrome charger cord has a short.  

I choose Golden Girls.   I never wanted to watch.  I'm suddenly interested.  

so far so good

becoming normal takes discipline.  people spend their time escaping reality.  actors are our aristocracy because people choose to avoid their lives instead of making their life more in alignment w/their desires.  for whatever reason fear, ignorance, laziness etc.  I decided to live differently.  my family jealously guarded their complaints punishing me for solutions.

making this the best fourth ever-FREAK OUT-paid Citibank bill $100 July+Aug

an opportunity to make it better than ever.  I think my upset stomach is from mucus.  only mornings from pollen then I get better.  

I can do whatever I want.  seniors is a job of being of service whenever possible.  

tidied an hour.  I used to make it complicated.  now I just use a trash bag.  and it's lovely cool.  

The Great Race 1965 is on.  Aiko traded me for dates w/Roy's friends.  she had all night parties when the parents went to gamble weekends in Tahoe.  I was 13 when she decided to include me to clean up.  after two years he took me to Reno too cheap to get a room and we spent the weekend in the movie theater watching this movie all night.  we drove back the next morning.  they always ignored me I was surprised they were upset, too stupid to figure out it was all Aiko.  

WOW!!  I've survived a lot.  

I couldn't find the CITIBANK bill.  I checked to see if I'd paid NO.  then I calmed myself and remembered to call to find balance.  WHEW!!  the old me.  and I charged my phone.  

paid Citibank on the way to Carl's Cali XL added avocado.

Star Chapter books reaching for the stars-Ruben's b'day

Cody brand new book.  I read Super Roomies kid's graphic novel 15 minutes.  fun stuff.  I deserve more fun.  I want more fun.

I finished puzzle went to soak and stretch.  and feeling great.  

lunch was good.  BBQ ribs.  almost cooked potatoes.  Walter still estranged.  I'm actually relieved.  no pressure.  he doesn't have to want a better life.  

I'm loving my life right now this minute.  

dinner green peas 3 T mayo, diced tomato, lunch potato wedges.  dessert 3 snicker doodles, small slice of Ruben lemon cake, half a small bag of Maui onion chips.

pork medallion sandwich b'fast-Bartolo yard

and phantom stole the puzzle picture again.  I still enjoyed puzzling.  I soaked stretched, biked and read Wodehouse.  HEAVEN!!

lunch mediocre Fred back from dentist.  Toki and Walter.  he knows he dissed me wouldn't look at me.  I stepped back he's talking at Fred and Toki.  I don't care.  

I puzzled 'til 5.  I ate 2 servings ban mi pork with salad and bread.  I finally nuked Krusteaz corn bread mix w/ water and butter.  3 minutes OK.  too sweet.  

reading "Damsel in Distress"-Mallory retirement party-mailed Koyama 2024 phone records and weather reports.

and Soon needed her gym lock cut off.  rescued.  bolt cutters to the rescue.  life following fiction.

I'm annoyed Walter ate the ban mi.  I took 2 bowls.  he's hopeless.  I'm done.  out of the nest.   

Damon supervisor Mallory's retirement party.  

I walked college Safeway nothing I wanted found 5 cigs in pall mall pack.

overheated chrome and crashed and I got it back

I was getting nostalgic watching Disney.  eh, I let go of the past.  

I've been suffering when I have grapefruit.  I drank almost an entire 750 ml and my stomach is fine.  

YIPPEE!!

ow! my aching body! 4 vs. me again

this collision is all about releasing and forgiving my family.  the odds are the same.  four of them against me.  and this too shall pass.  

I have friends and a team now.  I'm not alone.  

I'm sipping cherry juice.  took an hour in the tub under jets to relax spasms.  my muscles feel sore and battered.  

I feel exhausted.  

mac 'n cheese

in the micro 6 minutes.  I'm watching mafia mamma.  Toni Collette is so funny.  

I'm creating my personal heaven.  

bob hearts abishola

no trace at the libraries.  first bi racial main couple on TV sit com.  

I added buffalo chicken to beans rice plus lunch corn still very very very spicy.  added water helped a little.  

it sprinkled.  

9:30 I decided not to think, just do, so I dressed and picked up lunch at St Justin.  Sunshine took Ruben's extras like a giant baby T-rex bird begging.  he did not look comfortable and she didn't care.  Bonnie pretended we were friends to cut in line apologizing but not going back.  

library I ate ham cheese, Cheetos, apple pouch.  I read 2 People mags, and am reading P G Wodehouse online.  and Marla Gibbs.  HEAVEN.

So blessed.

staying positive

not raised with it, generating takes priming the pump every day.  difficult and exhausting.  Louise helps.

if it wasn't for Fred, Toki and Walter I wouldn't bother with seniors.  the food is mediocre,  most people there are small minded.  workers have huge egos.  more for city employees than seniors.  

I love reading online.  

only 6 months to Xmas

I'm feeling the helplessness and hopelessness of 1998.  I couldn't understand the horror of Eric and me stuck caring for my own family.

I couldn't do anything but pray and feel fear for us.  I didn't have time to feel.  I had too much to do to survive moment to moment.  I had to work to pay my bills and drive dad back and forth to the doctors appointments and emergency.  I barely survived and those feelings are back.  PTSD.  

so I'm going through the motions again feeling I'm barely surviving.  my friends are my reward and I have a legal team.  

lunch was lovely w/Gloria, Fred, Toki, Walter.  Walter got me extra goulash w/egg noodles the best part.  I completed a 300 piece puzzle after lunch.  feeling panicked running away I biked.  I hung out 'til 3 and came home.

I love doing what I want after a lifetime of work, doing what I had to do.  I'm reading the original Gentlemen Prefer Blondes by Anita Loos 1925 on Gutenberg,org.  doing my favorite thing when I want, always.  

I returned Danielle's call 9:30 am

after soak and stretch.  I always feel better after.  my homemade trail mix is so good.  I ate half a pound of lunch fish but I'm hungry.  I gave potatoes and veg to the crows.  

I'm committed to staying on top of things.  I've been so depressed, feeling unloved since the collision.  

I washed a filthy plastic 3.4 qt. OXO vacuum canister I found in the parking lot.  the cafeteria washroom has hot water and antibacterial soap.  

I went to Mission then Central library still didn't have double side printing.  I managed to figure out car registration and license copy myself I needed help on multiple but still didn't get the result I wanted.   oh, well.  I puzzled 'til close.  ouch my back.  

home 7:10

time is finally moving-Sunny hot spot

Francine chose the funny cat puzzle again.

we got the July menu.  I checked Sunny is closed Th-Fri July 2-3.  oh, well.  

I decided to pick up my hot spot and found a new $15 tankini and lemon almonds $3.49 at Ross' and lemon cake $5.99 at Sprouts with samples.  home 6 pm.  I ate some lunch fish considering CVS.  coupons expiring today.  not now my feet are sore walked ALL over.  July 1 OTC allowance.

I ate too much lemon cake.  oh, I remembered corn bean salad best snack.  tankini so comfortable.  

Danielle called no mail yet.  should have arrived.  I mailed Wednesday.  4 days.   

all green lights 5 minutes-24 hour hot spot

I forgot to eat.  took my supplements and felt full.  I always have granola bars.  sweeter than I prefer.  I'm resting at the puzzle table.  my stomach aches.  

wearing a brace helps.  and eating lunch.  they didn't drain noodles and it turned into soup.  I gave Toki trunk fruit.  I released bread and old noodles to crows.  Ruben gave me the last piece of Judy/Bonnie Lucky's cake.  

I just realized I am Igor.  old age hump back.  

I love, love, love goofing off.  

3 pm lemon mousse cake and turkey tetrazzini soup.  I'm so relaxed.  reminds me of falling asleep at the library and the guard waking me.  years ago.  now people eat and sleep anywhere.  and talking.  

I'm wearing navy shorts and pink spandex.  pool maybe 4?  

I'm resting.

self care @ 24 hour-OMG HEAVEN!!- -21/65

 huh, I can come here twice if I want.  miss Vicky Jesus sister said she has one pass w/Kaiser.  Toki could get it.  

ooh, Cup lib 9 am using city guest.  the auto return not online.  I have shade parking, listening to Louise.  HEAVEN!  auto return turned on.

Asian man just gave me new 17.6 oz raw Manuka honey APR 2030 no refrigerate.  

and now to read Marla Gibbs.  more Heaven.  the man who parked next to me is the super gym that trashed the newspaper not sharing.  I didn't know he was homeless.  

Happy Juneteenth!

I love parties.  I'm feeling stunned.  lots of cheesecake dessert.  lunch was sandwiches.  Ruben gave me 2 St Justin ham cheese.  lots of left over bean corn cilantro tomato, carrot, coleslaw salad.  Fred, Walter, Toki hurray!

biked before and after.  still very stiff stretching.  

I checked college Safeway Jack Daniel's pulled pork for $5.  good walk.  

home 2:30.

like it's my b'day-25/66

warning lucid dream:  my home is almost done being remodeled and older and young man come around for pick up contractor jobs.  actually scam  predators seeking prey.  don't allow in.  

I enjoy resting and relaxing reading.  I soaked and stretched my half hour then biked half and half.  I was so excited.  I reminded Fred gave me cd player Walter belt and Toki all this week.  Walter not too frantic.  

mailed questionnaire 6:43 am Franklin PO-31/66-Barbara O 1 pm

I've tried so hard to forget I forgot to list my injuries.  

today I almost forgot my 1 pm phone meeting w/Barbara O.  suddenly at 12:50 it popped into my head and I hustled to retrieve my chrome bag/phone from the locker room and questionnaire bag from the car.  she was wonderful explaining the process could take a year.  

poor Eric Togami.  he had to go through his dad's death twice.  trial 1998 and appeal 2003.  

I biked half and half.  Toki came in 2:30.  hope everything is going well.

WOW! Panera automatically connected me.  AND I redeemed $5, $10.85.  and I'm resting after my harrowing ordeal.  

Costco back to $5.20-38/66

OK.  I think.  so far.  Louise "blessings are mine".  

AAAAAAUUGGHH!!!!!  the phone records are 2025 not 2024.  I called Danielle after Eric.  Tasha @ Consumer Cellular gave me the phone number for security.  James will resend.  I already paid $4.  

Ruben gave me St Justin lunch sans cookies.  I gave sandwiches to Paul.  I got extra lunch and Walter's donation.  I forgot.  

I was so upset I biked half and half hour trying not to overdo.  get that cortisol out.  

gas still high-39/66

I considered fill up.  tomorrow better.  I'm SO STRESSED!!  just thinking of the questionnaire makes me tense PTSD Eric tragedy, my folks, sisters.  everything I've avoided to survive.  

it's like a horrible movie monster that won't die.  forty years of HELL!!

fitness 24-63 o's humid 77%-48/66

sweaty.  I showered leisurely and biking the ex-husband's cheater energy.  TV talking about the cost of college my anger he quit his job without telling me and I had to support us.  9 mph anger up to 11.07.  he kept pleading and crying.  the liar.  just like Aiko bragged.  and I gave in believing his lies.  I'd been lied to my entire life.  i'm changing my chemistry.  

And that's all changed.  I've changed.  I let go.  

St Justin lunch Ruben gave me cookies, chips, yogurt.  my neglected childhood now is being balanced by the universe taking care of me.  I completed Disney SOUL puzzle 300 pc.  

HEAVEN...

feeling beautiful-2024 phone records came

I rinsed my car windows and drove to seniors.  took my time enjoying the ride.  they opened late as usual.  I filled 3 bottles and put in car I forgot my shorts.  Zariah at desk.  I showered taking my time.  I biked 30 minutes and stretched 90.  feeling rested taking care of me.  filled another 3 bottles.  set out pants, towel, socks to dry.  

Ruben gave me snack bag and I got an extra chick garden salad.  I saw Dino 'Camino' Medar and said how blessed we are he's so over qualified for his job and he said his last Friday, Tuesday his last work day he's going to LA world cup Bosnia v Switzerland then a job in Mtn View.  I'm so proud of him following his heart.  

yesterday 101 o's today only 94 o's short hours @ seniors I came early to central.  so my car is parked in the cool underground.  

wheel -jungle, a chic outfit

exercise the quickest drug-Wednesday 6/17 @ 1 pm-57/66

instant mood change.  I just noticed his name Eric.  

Eric Winberg Secretary to Barbara Olsen and paralegal Danielle Arena called to set up initial phone meeting Wednesday 6/17 @ 1 pm.  Danielle will call today preliminary expectations regarding DEPOSITION.  

Eric could here my upset so I told him my Post Traumatic Stress Frank Togami  death by drunk driver 1998, my dad Frank died 1999,  mom 2001.  I didn't tell him my sisters' eviction 4 attorneys over 8 years and the ongoing harassment.

Walter insisted on trying to pontificate.  I refused.  we had a good honest authentic session while I waited for Danielle's call.  nobody else in the world I'd argue with my situation.  

nice chat she's sending me return envelopes.  

seniors feeling pain and puzzle picture box top gone-59/66

if the crazies think that compares to my soap opera life they're way out there in another galaxy.  crash burn.  

emotional pain is so different.  only time heals.  I kept my suit in the locker.  I'm wearing locker keys to remind me.  I'm enjoying myself despite the excruciating pain.

I've given myself permission to rest and process my sadness.  lunch with my family is good for my soul.  Toki taking care of Walter.  Fred eating better makes me laugh.  the perfect group.  I got extra meatballs and gravy, Toki and Fred gave me extra.  

I'm printing the road map I traveled 2/14/2024.  shows route better.  helps me deflect neck, back, feet pain.  

I decided to bike 20 minutes and stretch to change my feelings.  feeling so stiff and stuck.  

Danny's recycle $7-60/66

with God everything is simple and easy.  

time is finally passing.  it seemed stuck as me.  my feelings are bubbling and churning.  I must be safe to feel.  I feel horrible.  and this too will pass.  still feeling raw guilt for Eric's troubles and my inability to take it away.  

nerves-still need to add car tag-63/66

water is soothing.  soaks away my cares.  an hour.

processing feelings uses a lot of energy.  everything is created by emotions.  

Fred and Walter at lunch.  I ordered garden chicken salad and got extra bean stew.  tasty.  

tired I came home at 2:30 napped 5-6:30 so I'm watching wheel and jeopardy after the playoffs.  

maybe I'm just hungry St Justin-65/66

I'm taking my own advice and processing Eric's death on the 13th.  

his garage burned down Sunday night 8:45 pm May 15, 2016 stage 4 colon cancer.  first stomach and died of lung cancer June 2017.  

my sad story.  

watching Jurassic is different.  and Ruben gave me his ham cheese sandwiches.  

filled with NRG-70/66-I WANT TO CRY I HAVE NO TEARS

biking @ seniors I realized people watch action movies as a substitute for living.  I started watching Jurassic 4.  the emotions are cathartic.  feels like I'm doing something.  workaholics use activity to suppress emotion.  Walter.

I forgot the Wheel yesterday so I did it first thing.  

I want an unlimited world of peace, plenty, and healing.  anyone can have a personal heaven unique to themselves.  

the computer room is perfectly cool and empty.  I'm fine tuning my life  while I wait for the copy of my phone records.  new book Atomic Habits.

I printed the 2003 denied appeal of the man convicted in 1999 of murder of Frank Togami Thursday March 12, 1998.  and now I understand the energy with Karen Kuek.  Eric went through hell before dying 6/13/2017.  

I'm just sitting with my feelings.  fire destroyed shop May 15, 2016.  I was busy surviving my sisters' harassment and threats of physical violence.  

Hot spot Sunny 73/66-"Healing is sacred work".

Louise Hay.  someone set out 300 piece harvest puzzle I finished.  I put away the 500 piece Dan Craig castle puzzle into plastic bags keeping the edge separate.  

Mallory had peanuts from Smart & Final I got 2 ea honey roasted for Toki and cashews for Fred.  I got 2 bowls noodles from lunch.  talking to Candice maybe Jack Box burgers for dinner exp 8th.  Anne hasn't been at seniors for months, showed up I was thinking of her.  Candice helped her fill out forms.  

I love my rhythm of life.  I got burgers and checked internet.

And someone stole puzzle box top-PAID WATER, DISCOVER-125/37&74/66-DMV reg.

I finished one tough puzzle.  500 oddly shaped.  beautiful.  Mall thinks larry meercat is the thief.  

today is Eric's 9th.  I'm in black.  I'm wearing my ruffles this week.  2 black, mint, hot pink.  

I paid Consumer Cellular and talked to Jan ordered copy of 2/14 2024 cell usage $4-mailed Life and PAID Bartolo

 exactly one week since I received questionnaire.  I started.  

June is bustin' out all over-78/66-Yamuna goddess-128/37

I'm in mourning.  I feel safe.  I biked 32 minutes.  I'm stretching and relaxing.  Walter got me fish and I got one.  with zucchini.  I didn't want the bell pepper slaw and I'll cook the onion salsa.                      I finished 300 piece cats puzzle.   I'm gearing up to print blog pages for questionnaire.   ugh!                                                                              Capital One bought Discover.  fingers crossed July.     

you tube Louise-80/66

'Sleep in Peace, Wake in Joy' best recording yet.  I feel fully integrated, at peace.  never felt so together before.  I feel like my autistic brain connections are complete.  

12:43 parked in Sunnyvale shade.  I returned the hot spot and borrowed Jurassic Dominion and Rebirth besides Atomic.  I stayed 'til 6 pm closing puzzling Angel's Blessing.  so relaxing.  

I heated tamale added 2 scrambled eggs.  I remembered I had 3 lunch corn tortillas.  delicious.   

my body misses tub jet massage-Seeds of 250 Years-Leta Cariel BBQ

I waited at 24 for parking.  9:15 is good.  people leave on the hour or half hour.  I just observe.  Minivia.  

I got to St Justin 10:30.  lunch and weekend.  I chose PBJ.  and now bliss eating, reading, resting, relaxing.  

Carrie Tillie & Richard Foss culinary historians.  1-2 pm.  1770's.  cheesy dessert tamales, pickled watermelon rind, corn chips & salsa, watermelon shrub.

library closed 5 pm I remembered out I need omega 3.  fish oil or flax seed seemed healthier.  I used $2 coupon.  

and 6 pm Leta Cariel @ St Justin BBQ.  I drove around for parking.  5:45 check in Leta had tickets at mass.  I enjoyed exploring.  

everything most excellent.  cheeseburger, chips, perfect spring strawberry, blueberry, feta, balsamic salad.  dessert vanilla hagen das mini cups.  2 dogs + salad + vanilla to take home 7:30.

Bartolo next door Betty & Dave Todd 8:30 am-PAID CITIBANK

end of month blues.  big b'fast of salad, 2 eggs, Vienna sausage.  change my chemistry changes my mood.  

24 hour Minivia and I paid Citi.  on to seniors I started perusing CSAA Questionnaire.  I'm revisiting 2024.

I may be getting through to Walter about chemistry.  I don't know.  only 3 cups of coffee today.  and Fred at lunch.

lots of extra food.  I got one, Walter got one.  library.  feels like Saturday.  I gave Sammy 300 piece Wysocki Americana puzzle.  

I almost lost my wallet.  fell out of my pocket with candy.  I noticed 3 hours after and it was still where it fell out.  I thank God.

I bought 2 corn dogs, slice of German chocolate cake, $2 angel food, 4 mini chips at Safeway 5 pm.  first I ate chicken, corn, zucchini dinner then dessert.

feels like Saturday I remind myself it's Friday.  

Louise Hay-Expansion Companion

It's gently raining.  like Wednesday 2/14/2024.  the collision.  

I let it go to God.  and tom too.  I walked Food Maxx after 24 Fitness.  nothing I wanted.

lunch so much better w/Toki.  Sunshine gave me 2 mini Walmart cupcakes.  Walter had 5 cups of coffee and doesn't connect it to gerd.  oh, well.  I had to run away from him to the library.  he was manic.

central I finished Moana puzzle.  2 pieces missing.  feeling tired I was home at 5 pm for a change.  

I found misplaced red New Year's envelopes and I remembered to check black Buxton wallet exactly like the red one.  was stolen from my purse when I still smoked at least 10 years ago from the Homestead smoke shop.  

feeling the old terror & dread I choose Peace-Smogged!!

 Louise Hay "Life is filled with opportunities."  she changed cancer into an opportunity to improve her life.  she demonstrated with her life.

listening to Louise is keeping me sane.  I'm feeling overwhelmed.  

I have to pay Citi, smog car, 24 hour resolution.  one step at a time.  my body memory still responds to mom threats of violence.  

Smogged!! Gari 15 minutes.  $46.75.  now I need tags.  I promised him Nekko good luck cat.  never opened box.  

lunch goo w/Fred and Walter no Toki.  when she brought Helen she only came once a week.  

Tapawingo-place of joy-Koyama & Costello Questionnaire

10/18/1999 Malcolm & Eddie season 4 episode 6 "the Tapawingo Witch Project".  and I watched 2025 Tapawingo.  synchronicity.  

I planned on Savers until 24 hour Fitness cancelled my membership.  Minivia let me in today since I'd had a file.  I called onepass.scan and they fixed it for me 2 calls and after senior lunch.  

Walter gave me assorted animated Disney puzzles and fish rice.  Fred was typically out of it.  I'm having a stay-cation.  

I'm stressed out.  I went to relax at central library.  David arrived, time for me to leave.  

and new stress.  and I'm enjoying People Puzzler.  old me would feel miserable.  

Memorial day-ooh left over salad & pumpkin pie

yesterday Grocery Outlet I bought pepperoni grilled cheese and salad for lunch today.  

the protein shakes are working.  I have great clean energy.  so delicious my body craves my Nestle's chocolate, turmeric, plant protein.  

I'm playing with my hiking poles.  all my toys.   

I fixed the over drive button.  it came apart yesterday.  it was feeling weird when I changed gears.  I waited 'til the light was good.  tiny parts.  I wondered what Walter's energy would do.  I figured out the assembly of the button, spring, white plastic holder, wired clip.

I freaked when I found Citi bill

I didn't get one last month and used gas receipts to determine the amount.  this month due 6/10 has changes in the bill.  WHEW!!

6 am I started organizing my health fair swag after 2 pieces of pumpkin pie.  10:30 I started putting my lunch salad together watching Harry Wild.  Jane Seymour as a detective 2022 series.  

library heaven.  

seniors 7:50 am

I bought half off Panera salad from yesterday/one roll.  not good.  cookie too sweet, salad too sour.  hot pickled? peppers.  $4.  I can't imagine people paid $8.  

I swam half hour.  I remembered no St Just Memorial holiday.  Sprouts I used gift card $29.97 clearance bone broth and mini turkey sticks.  I've been wanting bone broth.  Norwegian 4/$3 packets 13 g  protein.  Bleah!!  tastes terrible.  nothing I can't fix.  my brain is working great on library puzzle.  makes water taste great by comparison.  and all the shaking to mix counts as extra exercise.  

I scored 13 plastic county ruler magnifying bookmarks.

I decided to go to CVS for supplements and looked at everything.  since I was there I stopped at Ross tried on shoes, looked at everything bought sesame and salad toppings.  then I wanted corn dogs but deli closed at 7 pm everyday.  I found clearance pumpkin pie $5.50 and 4 2/$1 chips, dinner $1.99 spaghetti meatballs.  

this week I've been playing 'til dark home at 8 pm.  

final health fair

and I'm playing.  not as many vendors so I was done in an hour.  I stayed another hour with Walter.  he brought his car tool my engine is clean for smog check.  I'm feeling great.  the extra walking.  we caught up w/Toki and walked another hour.  I got everything I wanted.

2:30 home I ate Sunshine's cake and napped.  rest and relaxation.

I'm feeling happy only slightly tinged w/anxiety fear of losing my peace.  

salad with chicken lunch BBQ skin and coleslaw.  so yummy.  

played w/my new toys.  

Seniors

WAH!!  feeling goofy.  I wore my sparkling gold antler headband.  after a lifetime of responsibilities it feels good to let go.  

playing is great

my body is falling apart and life is OK.  

I'm still wondering why I've crossed paths w/Chris Burgos 5 times now.  last week I rode down the elevator w/SCPD.  

tub was broken I swam warm pool and didn't care.  lunch Trudy brought cake brownies and Sunshine gave me left over choc and Boston cake.  Score Sugar Rush.  I almost forgot Krab salad and bought corn dogs.  

Tomorrow, tomorrow.  

I love playing with my toys.  my sugar spoons, pickle forks, gold antlers such fun.  More please.  

mom and dad truly hated me

my difficulty in healing is lying to myself.  and the truth has released the constriction in my stomach.  I can relax.  I feel so much lighter.  

I wonder if that's what overweight is?  lies weighing us down?  

I got gas checking prices due to go up with the holiday coming.  $5.60/gal.

I got that something to do feeling and found store ads.  always something I want.  

I walked Savers and found 12 purple hankies $6, tiny silver 6 pickle forks and 5 sugar spoons $7, gold rhinestone reindeer head band $5.  then salad and Krab w/potato pickle juice.  

wherever you go there you are-Walter still running

you can't outrun yourself.  drugs and alcohol, any of the -holics only compound the interest.  

since we're chemical factories, running only increases the chemical memory imprint adding another layer to erase and print over.    

overstretched shoulder yesterday

my right shoulder blade like a knife.  stabbed in the back.  I did Dr Hume arm exercises.  she's back at work.  I looked online.  it might be my neck too.  my shoulder hurts sharply I can't feel anything else.  that's the way pain works.  I can only notice what hurts the worst.

unlike before I'm enjoying myself.  time is finally moving.  I don't feel stuck.  I decided no Sunny book sale.  nothing I need.  

stomach and leg cramps

wow 3 hours of walking, resting, moving and grooving.  I need more stretching.  white top to seersucker dress misplaced I wear S/L shirt I invented w/lace pockets.  

seniors 7:45 green lights 7 minutes.  bad Louie talking to Dave in tub.  encouraged me to stay focused.  so St Justin early.  Ruben gave me his sandwiches.  deli ham gristle.  I'm reading Never Too Late Marla Gibbs bio.  telling the story of our generation of women of color.  other hate filled women our greatest obstacle.  friendly fire.  betrayal.  obfuscation.  

2 pm Sammy gave me 2 Bikaji date nut candy bites and mentioned David.  Bam!  Sammy went to Sunny book sale today.  

I went to Village Green to pick up dinner.  frozen dinner $7.39 too much so I went to Jack in the Box 2 for $5 coupon burgers.  home Ared and pastry dessert.  nothing on TV bed early.

Whew! I deserve a medal-city hot spot 140/37-Buxton wallet

Life is whatever we make it.  if our family instructions and examples have been pain and suffering that's all we know 'til we see and learn to create something fitting us better more comfortably.  

I'm getting here.  I considered biking but I didn't pack shorts or shoes.  3 tees and wash cloths.  

Paul, Lloyd's friend opened up and tested me with open liquor.  trying to get kicked out.  not with me.  then he slept.  safe place.  

I forgot the health fair.  I walked looking at everything.  I got extra bags and a red rfid Julia Buxton wallet $16.57-$39.99 online.  new wallet new money.  even better.  Jon said I couldn't win the raffle again so I didn't fill out the survey and enter.  Toki entered.  Trudy at lunch said Toki won last year.

Sunshine shared her violent family stories.  she wants to move to Valley Village me too.

Ruben gave me his St Justin lunch.  home I made salad w/tomato 1 slice bread and doritos.  I napped.  celebrity jeopardy tonight.   

oh my stomach-Asperger's-returned hot spot

where all emotion is stored.  the gut brain, seat of intuition.  as prey I can approach others w/o threatening.  I'm safe and peaceful.  now I'm glad I helped Frank 3.  he had a meltdown.  God let's me argue.    

Paul Lloyd's friend gave me my choice of 5 packaged pasty I chose bear claw.  I returned hot spot to Cody.  

krab salad b'fast mom death day

no sister eviction distraction.  almost overwhelming emotional pain.  I had the tub all to myself TYGJ.  

weird day.  I had to shower alternate family until 9:30 they reopened showers.  

lunch w/Frank 3.  he didn't know about reservations I don't know how he managed.  I got him the menu, explained but he acted like off the planet.  Toki and Walter acting out of it.  so I finished tough puzzle, takes me away from pain.  

I'm feeling desperate for no reason at all.  just feelings coming out.  all the family torture labeled 'helping'.  

grilled cheese b'fast

always a delight.  

I won the health fair raffle.  yoga mat, hiking poles, trail mix, $30 Sprouts gift card, $25 AMC gift card, hiking trail book, beach towel, beach bag, coloring book, markers, adult swim goggles, affirmations cards.  

feeling sad and stressed

seniors I remembered 2 days until mom's death day.  

the body remembers.  

I'm waiting to call Sean Koy CSAA.  office opens 8 am.  I have all day.  

Eric Winberg got the message works for 2 attorneys Chris Rivera and Barbara Olsen.  Barbara is mine.  

Sean returned my call Eric is San Jose office.  

only 83 degrees I'll soak and stretch 4 pm.  left 5:30 for Cup library.  picked up Louise CD and Eddie Murphy Coming to America 1 & 2.

Grocery outlet salad, watermelon juice, grilled cheese, mini pizza, imitation crab, rice crackers.

brought in lunches

new things to try.  

brand new Day-Mary Consumer Cellular 611 fixed my phone-PAID Phone and City

I feel a little hope.  Louise.  

Eric CSAA?  called 12:38 yesterday while I was Fair-ing.  I put everything in my car.  He just said he was from CSAA no case number or details.  I white pages reversed look up said the phone belonged to Mariana Fe Rivera 732 Kineo Ct, Oakley, Ca 94561.  so I called and left a message with Sean Koy.  

seeing double entries in my Consumer Cellular invoice I called 611.  Mary was so helpful.   and I now have access to my back up phone mails.  

I voted.   productive day.  

new behavior I didn't return anything.  I'm acting normal putting myself first. 

Grocery Outlet bargain Market.  

GRIMM-senior health fair

best fair ever.  

I enjoyed Fred and I picked up Walter's lunch while at his meeting.  I puzzled and Walter walked around picking up goodies.  he came back 3 times.  I guess he appreciated it.  

he's enjoying engaging with the senior center.  new behavior.  

home 3:30.  ate carnitas salad and tuna burrito.  I fell asleep watching GRIMM and woke 7:30 thinking it was Saturday.  SURPRISE!!  I felt rested.  

you tube hi jack

Oprah interview of Douglas Stuart.  Spirit is powerful.  you tube 'A New Douglas Stuart novel'.  

Diana 2nd car event this month hit and run on freeway led me to charge my phone finding Toki message cancelled lunch dental event.  I hope sinus.  

I'm enjoying puzzle I'll pool after Cody bookmobile.  wringer broken. 

perfect only Walter at lunch 11:30.  he left early I can puzzle.  

2:30 I decided on Sunny pick up hot spot.  I stopped at Chipotle for carnitas and Trader Joe sunflower and cheese puffs.  next to each other.

Life is good and getting better.    

being a responsible adult

going over my bills.  I feel OK.  the dread and anxiety come and go like the tides, the sine wave of life.  the threat of lawsuit at least I'm not biologically related to her like my crazy sisters.  

I'm enjoying my romantic glitter Josephine Wall puzzle of unicorn swans and beautiful lady against the universe.  I'm not distracting myself from physical or emotional pain.  

lunch with Trudy, Ken, Fred, Toki, Walter.  I love when people I like like each other.  

no whopper Wednesday in May.  I used a coupon for 2 Jr + 2 fries.  so delicious.  dinner.

home 3 pm.  watched Jeopardy Wheel then bed.  a good day.

b'fast of raw peas mayo goat cheese-taco Tuesday Jack in Box

and Savers seniors.  there's one across the street.  Woo Hoo!!  I bought 2 dresses and jersey headbands I can use for wrist wallet $15.

new food.  Grocery Outlet microwave pepperoni grilled cheese sandwiches and beef stew.  so good.  49 cent avocados.  home for a feast.  

Star Wars day-PAID Bartolo $70

I drove the back way and avoided the clean up trucks perfectly.  home 3:30 pm.

Walter doing better processing grief his own way.  got me chicken soup.  I ate with rice.  

Louise is so wonderful

listening to her drove away my dread.  I actually awoke happy.  

I'm borderline happy and sad feeling tired.  I'm pampering myself.  nothing on TV I'm enjoying the silly Librarians.  every popular show is all about the relationships..  we love family replacements.  

survived another one-PAID DISC-ZERO PGE

how did I miss Table 19?  2017 movie.  uplifting.  bad reviews.  its imperfections keep it interesting.  

my fascination with Grimm is my theory of embryo development and how some get stuck at lizard or wolf stages never being human only looking human.  explains a lot of questionable behavior and why God allows it.  

Gloria was at St J.  I shared Walter's difficulties and specifically how to release grief.  she gave me her donuts.  I ate 2 PBJ & chips felt so sleepy.  home 2 pm.  I considered paying Bartolo feeling too tired.  my days of forcing myself beyond my limits are over.  new behavior.  

I picked up 5 seasons of Grimm.  I'll start with Librarians season 1.

brand new me chooses better-I AM BLESSED

May/June.  I went back into home to get county returns.  +.4 mile.  I left the bag of returns by the front door.

I finished the cat zodiac 500 puzzle.  I am a Capricorn.  puzzle so cute.  I love cute.  

I can't get to PCH sweeps closed so I'm done there.  I'm listening to Louise.  

I learned if I click on the year all posts are visible.  or it shows month by month.  I kept searching to view today's post to edit.  

I started Fancy Cats puzzle 750.  

Walter in rare form trying to get thrown out of lunch.  Fred and Toki helping calm him down.  

I picked up 10 at Cup library had to turn in Louise CD.  I'm set.  

Sunny hot spot pick up 5/8 same day return city.  I wanted Safeway $5, no pulled pork I bought chips and 2 corn dogs.  DINNER.

bookmobile-I don't know-too much death pain-Korean gal Soon

 hot spot went offline.  and Walter in a lot of pain.  

Sunny I paused hot spot at 17/59 resumed hold today ready tomorrow(?).  I can keep city 'til next Sat.  

not feeling Savers.  Walter got me HUGE left over plate lunch.  he acted like for himself then offered to me.  Hilde put out peas carrots Walter took 2 and hard penne then later put out plates.  Walter is going for broke.  he didn't even blink.  

I puzzled 'til 4, mailed my life insurance, home 4:15 made shampoo samples, ate chicken and choc cookies.  

I'm so having more fun.  

I Let go

seniors easy.  waiting and watching opening from car.  I can enjoy.  

dread is under the surface.  May-June.  

I'm exhausted from attempting to control my life instead of letting it unfold.  

Gohan and Gail new staff in Dino's office.  Denise new nurse.

I love my lunch buddies.  they make my life worth living.  

dinner was Wednesday whopper added avocado and lemon mug cake dessert.  

Savers tomorrow.?  

beef broccoli brown rice-Koyama & Costello

lunch good for a change.  

seniors 7:13 am casual.  

after lunch met newbie Oren called daughter Lydia weird I took offense.  then excuse she's 25 living at home me "probably 'cause her dad calls her weird."  HOW DARE HE!!  he needs to be a parent and protect not abuse her.  

homeward I detoured to Chipotle for carnitas on gift card.  since Sprouts close I walked clearance bought grilled salmon.  

4 pm mail CSAA Koyama & Costello what to expect letter, it could be 2 years brochure and Unity prayer letter from 4/14 Tuesday.  

seniors 6:45

when I first started coming here it was the last place I brought mom Kaiser mandated to continue her health coverage after her taking dad's pills.  

CVS? I need fish oil-1,004,104,886 PCH tokens=PAID CITI

such fun!  $tree Sunny 8 am wonderful.  I looked at everything.  jeweled hair clip, 2 b'fast burritos, $6 pink plastic clogs, gas treatment, 2 fish oil, gem pen, tapioca pudding, propel 20 oz $2.30, pineapple bits, English muffins, gas treatment=$23.57.  

1964 My Fair Lady astonished me.  I began my love of the English language.  class distinctions were obvious to me.  Jon Lovitz saying "I'm a good girl I am" makes me laugh every time.   

I prefer naked strawberries-lost hematite bracelet

even green they taste very fresh.  

I went to seniors talked at length with Amber going through similar divorce but with 2 girls.  I shared my stored energy theory.  

no tax day record of trying to pay water online getting frozen out then driving the half mile to pay at city hall.  I went back to edit posts.  

after picking up St Just lunch and chocolate cake I ate all the strawberries in front of the library fireplace.  copy room being occupied.  weather keeping people away.  I got so relaxed and sleepy I prefer to nap at home.  I decided to check out First Baptist rummage.  I looked for protein shaker, bottoms no tops.  lots of magnets, binder clips, lotions, shampoo etc.  My Fair Lady.  fun toys $13. 

home at 2 pm raining.  watched TV 'til 7:30 bed.  

processing smog reg-remembered gas forgot phone 1

I have my Spare phone charged.  

1,004,104,886 PCH tokens.  no more free games.  

2 pm home remembered rummage sale 'til 5 decided tomorrow 9-5.  unless after school.  no parking now.  I'm having fun relaxing.  most fun in my life.  

Tex chicken stew lunch Walter and I extra.  and I remembered mug cake 3 T mix to 2 T water 2 minutes micro.  lemon cake like pudding with my fresh strawberries.  I am a Genius.  I put extra mix in glass bottle for easy access.  I'll have another.  

Sleep

I think it's when we return to Spirit.  

I think I'm finally getting through to Walter.  he went off with Gloria after lunch.  Fun Fun Silly Willy.  Fred, Trudy, Kenny, Gloria, Toki, Walter.  my fun family.  Paula gave us Boston cream pie.  I love parties.  

I'm thinking of Eric and his dad Frank.  such tragedy.  I can't understand people making trouble unless they just have it too good.  they don't know trouble.  Eric's death day 6/13 mom's 5/13.  

Frank's murder Thursday March 12, 1998.  the trial is online.  horrifying.  Eric was a witness and endured the trial.  Adan Hernandez killed more than Frank.  reading his history it was only a matter of time before he killed someone.  public record.  

I'd never read it before.  I had only heard general details from the family.  no mention of Eric riding in the ambulance as Frank died.  

so the engagement party was Wednesday night.  from joy to.......

I decided to look for 2 piece windshield at O'Reily  $20 r/t $8 at Ross.  I bless and release.  next door India 3 lbs almonds $16 tomatoes $2.49.  Smart Final strawberries $2.49 small avocados 2/$1.  

I read Canterville Ghost on Gutenberg.org.  

traditional Earth day

I actually feel good this morning.   watching BBC "ghosts".  my family.  ninnies begging for constant attention.  no wonder I was always feeling exhausted.  I was the only adult even at 8.  

BBC 2019 feels fresh.  so many good British ghost comedies.  "Canterville Ghost", "Ghost & Mrs. Muir", "Blithe Spirit".  "Topper".  "I Married a Witch".  "High Spirits".

CSAA Sean Koy sent my case to litigation.  he's sending me info by mail.  thank you.  they've been patient and kind.  

I puzzled seniors before and after lunch w/Trudy, Ken, Fred, Toki, Walter.  2:30 Savers walkabout 3 bags nylon suede yarn $8+.  Gro O coconut water $1.99, new frozen dinner $2.99, peas $1.29.  most excellent.  

I am willing to follow spirit-Paid Disc, PGE

sleep is a miracle.  scientists know nothing of how we sleep.  

I am at peace.  I love to sleep.  

I let go.  

I called S Kohlwaies has referred to legal dept.  didn't respond to my v mail.  he sent to litigation dept.

Walter gave me 2 poly lace curtains.  I walked Walmart paid PGE.  

I walked Savers found shampoo $6 and $13 dress to exchange for shorts and bath suit.  so much fun walking and looking.  Grocery Out 2 goat cheese frozen combo, amino $4, lavender 4 inch $5.  

Sean 719-534-4903 litigation specialist in Co.  missed his call message to mail to me any info.  

Louise is my S Hero--->1,003,559,886 PCH tokens-PAID DISC-new OTC

her example gives me courage.  I went to bed early and I woke early.  I listen to her on You tube.  she's healing my heart.  

she passed 8/30/2017 the same year as Eric 6/13.  

I think it was Isaac Asimov who chose to write at 3 am when the world was the quietest.  I feel at peace.  

on Friday Walter asked about my anxiety then kept interrupting me.   we were like an Abbot Costello act Who's on First.  

Tommy Walker Meyer 1947 Oh-1994 Ca.  47 yrs old.  

Walter dug up baby lavender so they'll live.  

dreamed of drama phone call from Mit

so depressing.  my pain over everything.  I divorced X because I knew he'd die like his dad.  I couldn't stay around.  I wouldn't torture myself. 

the court and scam elder abuse is pain from my sisters embezzling mom's estate, threats of eviction, physical violence.  I didn't want them prosecuted.  I didn't want them in jail.  I had to retain Susan M Kanclier $5K.  worth every penny.  

mitzi's boys came to me for college money when the sisters had all the estate cash.  ludicrous.  I worked part time school part time took me 6 1/2 years they made fun saying I'd never graduate after X quit working.  well, I did graduate.  the only one.  never even a card or phone congratulations no acknowledgement whatsoever.   

I could be angry but too ludicrous.  a waste of time and energy.  

Karen Kuek is bringing all the pain back.  all the humiliation and abuse.  listening to Louise my wounded child is healing.  "my heart is unfurling".  my stomach is relaxing.  

I returned Alice and picked up Cup Ghosts BBC original series.  I'd seen info online.  then I remembered and checked Target elastic found at Michael's $6, Ross no windshield cover, Safeway frozen crispy chicken $7 got cash back.  all in 2 hours.  

TYGJ-999,699,886 tokens--->1,000,059,886

I'm tired of being the strong one.  the chrome crashed.  restore. 

my baby emotions are rising to the surface.  I must be safe.  otherwise it would stay safely stuffed down.

chrome 57% charge from internet connection.  I had Louise playing.  

checking accident report wae so wrong.  Kuek, Lai, O'brien.  3 against me and Burgos faulty description.  

I'm so glad I won't live forever and have to put up with the nonsense.  

WOW!  I googled me Rev and found X's obit, Hans's second wife Marjet, Albert Bernardine's second husband, Mary Martinez not Martha.  I'm reeling amazed.  

listening to Louise "if you're tired of Being Strong"  yes yes absolutely since 8 years old everything is my responsibility.  

I checked book sale none at Sunny this month.  

I don't know how Hot ready @ central-999,169,886 tokens 9:30 pm

yesterday still 26/37 and today ready?  returned Sunny on March 22.    TYGJ.  131 waiting.  

we are only limited by their minds.  997,934,886 tokens 8 am.  

I called Stephen left voice mail re Alicia sending e mail r/t fax.  I hope he's healthy he sounded froggy.

what did people do before electronics.  everyone on their devices.

Walter is afraid he can't change.  impossible to be more powerful than God.  

I have to remember my wonderful future.  

I decided on spam sushi for dinner and $5 cake for dessert.  Safeway gift card.  

Back to business-I'm feeling wordless pain

infant pain I'm healing.  hurt inflicted before I had language.  

I called Stephen Kohlwaies @ 8 am.  still no professional courtesy of a reply from brentwood law wanted fax from CSAA office.  I remembered America's Tires on the way, they filled tires.  Alicia Cortes @ SJ recommended e mail for more direct delivery.  

Safeway clearance peanut MMs, stevia $4, 4 2/$ chips.  Savers b suit 3 pr pants 50% orange, grey tag pkg new elastic rolls 1 black 1 white $6.  Grocery O fish, peas, salad.

SCORE!!

Both Glorias encouraged county SCAM & FRAUD ALERT 1-2 pm Gabriel will be at May 8th Wellness Fair.  

Happy Tax Day-PAID PHONE ONLINE-28/58 or 26/37

my feet are vibrating.  I wore shoes so cold this morning.  I left S K a detailed v mail.  I hope he's connecting w/them.  brentwood lawyers trying to intimidate me.

I need a break.   I forgot to lock clothes and left shampoo in shower and God took care, OK.

PCH is changing policy today.  now must be a paying member.  997,654,886 tokens $20 minimum to enter give away.  

1 pm PCH is back.  

I renewed chrome.  I'm feeling exhausted.  lunch w/Trudy, Kenny, Fred, Toki, Walter.  Ruben goody bag chips great help.  

fed birds, general sort trunk -29/58 Sunny-city 28/37-online GLITCH

city glitch online to pay utilities I drove and walked around.  WOW!  I'm so much better than 2001.  5 pm works fine.  6 pm went to Jack Box 4 tacos.  

Karen Kuek hired Brentwood LA to sue me.  I called Stephen Kohlwaies already gone home Jason Soriano very helpful.  I left voicemail and detailed information on pages.  S Kohlwaies adjuster had requested but no action from Ryan@brentwoodlaw.  SHAKEDOWN!!  

I called Silent Unity.  

I'm remembering-31/58 & 29/37

my shake.  etc.  I don't need distractions to avoid pain.  

my denim strap dress fits perfectly.  

found my green car key YIPPEE!! 35/59 city 30/37

in a lunch bag bottom pocket waiting for seniors to open.  soaked and stretched.  sprinkling I'm driving cautiously.  

I picked up St. Just lunch and weekend bags.  at central eating lunch in copy room AARP magazine ad for oxygen tank $10/10 L at CVS.  I made 1 call 15% of phone charge.  aisle 6 & 17.

I stopped J in B 4 tacos $3.69 online.  

home 5 I reset denim straps on sweetheart dress and seersucker.  I watched TV then bed great day.  

started raining 7 am- 38/59-PAID CITI

after I got out of car waiting for the Seniors to open.  I stayed and played on puzzle 'til 3 PM close

Citibank has wi-fi.  I bought 2 fish $6 remodeled BK.  

I decided to go when ready-38/59

I've always set a time, not today.  I was ready and came.  did one water fill up for home.  

just me and Walter for lunch.  no buffers.  

my favorite dance-abundance.  I'm requesting 'Ghosts' from county.  

so far OK 41/59 city 33/37

I finished Goldilocks puzzle.  Hyperfocus.  my back & hips hurt.  ignore pain.  my ADD may be a reaction to family abuse neglect.  

chrome stayed at 99% all night finally 100.  I'm distracting myself.  

maybe I'm not ADD.  maybe a coping device to ignore emotional pain.  being ignored or misunderstood can cause emotional pain especially in autism w/o words.  

I'm loving the protein drink.  made some home and drank it here.

ST JUSTIN rummage Saturday April 18 8/1.  I asked Jane made a big deal telling me so arrogant told me she knows everything stick with her.  not worth it.  she said 15th.  

First Baptist Church Friday 24/Sat 25 9/5.  

I'm improving no update revert to draft and republish-43/59 & 36/37

extra chicken wrap a whole whole grain tortilla so much better than hot lunch.  and a protein bar at 3.  lunch with my chosen family Fred, Toki, Walter.  food eh company excellent.  deli meat stew, peas, mushy carrots cauliflower I tossed.  practically no noodles.  

I'm hanging out at seniors.  I pondered Tuesday senior Savers.  

Caleb gave me extra fold up dolly I have bungees and cording.  better quality than mine.  

I went to BK $5 Whopper Jr. tiny bourbon burger good to OK.  I added Vicky avocado.  I cooked onion from chicken wrap for b'fast eggs.  lots of chicken.  

back to the grind 49/59-36/37 Bartolo yard just as I left-day #14 no hot

polishing me shiny.  I found all my books.  WHEW!!  I looked in the front seat countless times and TA DA!!  

I dreamed I lost bags and my things.  it was just stuff.  my sisters/thieves. 

Vicky offered me preferred avocados I took 4 she gave Inge bag of 10.  HUH!  

I stayed at seniors puzzling Goldilocks 3 bears 'til 6 after wheel entry.  went to SC BK couldn't find my wallet.  went home looked, called CVS OTC cancelled getting new card.  then called Discover Diamond to freeze my account no new action since Saturday Grocery O purchase.  so definitely misplaced.

then looked in Sat grocery bag TA DA!! found wallet!  I have to stop scaring myself.  I called Discover robot easily unfroze my account 2 questions.  

I made strawberry salad w/can chicken delicious.  I still want BK.  tomorrow.

3 hours of hula -37/37-53/59-MAILED LIFE

I remembered X probably had stop over from VN.  so many loving memories of my relatives.   funny how the memories and feeling of love came back watching and listening to Hawaiian Rainbow & Kumu Hula.  and X hated the thought of Hawaii.  must have had a bad experience stop over from Viet Nam.  

I soaked and stretched at seniors.  finished Seascape puzzle.  no St Justine I stopped Safeway 2 corn dogs, $2.49 pastry pork Pie, $1.98+CRV 4 butterscotch cream soda so good.  all on gift card.  

my life was such hell and Heavenly now.  

so much enthusiasm-57/59 city 41/37-PAID BARTOLO all dressed up just getting home

I couldn't find Costco bill.  using receipts $75 by next Fri.  seniors early for bird food and 2 lavender volunteers.  center closed tomorrow Sunny open.

I called and talked to Debbie, 14 already on wait list.  Bridget gave me homemade raita for lunch.   I am blessed.  

no Cody today Earth day at Triton.  maybe Savers.  I'm enjoying snacks at central.  Paula gave me half an apple pie and baklava.  Cindy had more GS rocky road cookies.  I'm enjoying treating my inner child.  

AND I HAVE TOMORROW FREE.  

Tommy Walker Meyer and Sophia both autistic.  never eye contact.  they appreciated I didn't care.  

April fools-61/59=43/37

 Sunny plant sale 4/12 Sunday 10-2.  

lovely mellow day overcast humid.  I'm resting puzzling snacking.  Ruben gave me 2 sourdough St Justin sandwiches chips in goody bag.  I prefer sourdough.

Gloria asked about Sunny lunch on Friday city closed.  I just checked open salmon.  not feeling it.

Sunny 67/59-city 43/37

I'm stunned.  started sprinkling just before I drove to seniors.  

I'm feeling so weird.  my body continues to change.  

I'm following my feelings.  soak and stretch in tub.  3 bowls of lunch veg pasta w/ Fred and Walter.  Ruben gave me 2 St J sandwiches and Fritos I shared in egg sandwiches.  I'm feeling blessed.  

Copy room vacation.  today is Savers senior day I'm not feeling it.  

end of the month heebie jeebies.

I'm sitting central copy room 45/38-69/59

Ruben gave me Saturday bag of snacks.  

FOMO-fear of missing out is survival oriented.  being part of the herd.  safety in numbers.  

microwave mug cake 3T mix+ 2 T water for 60 seconds high.

AIR FRY HERBS 72/59 FIGURED OUT HOW TO SAVE POST

300 for 2-4 minutes.  I'm going to find other things to cook.  not potatoes.  

page preview will save when update won't work.  then I reopen page and edit.  if update doesn't work I open preview options and use update.

copy room is perfect.  I listen to my subliminals, eat my lunch and snacks.  mmmmmmm........

I FEEL LIKE EMPRESS OF THE UNIVERSE. 

Sunny 74/59 day 5

Central hot spots 48/37.  I've had Sunny 3 times.  SC has no accountability.  I get to play and experiment, test life.  

lunch good with Fred, Toki, Walter.  Salome pointedly sat elsewhere until Fred and Toki left then came over to say hi and walk away.  so I stayed to talk to Walter to debrief.  when Martin came I left for $5 college Safeway Big Shoulders pulled and boneless BBQ pork delicious with lunch mash.  

dessert Sunshine chocolate cups bake in parchment squares and coconut water w/chocolate delicious and nutritious.  

so good to watch TV w/my feet up.

w/o 4 day-

and I'm OK.  I remembered and got Costco gas +$1.06/gal from 3 weeks ago $4.20.  made up war with middle east.  

home to rest.  new me be have.  

I'm OK day 3-80/59

 I'm getting used to freedom and loving life.  

day 2 no hot spot-85/59

Walter won't admit that coffee and chocolate candy for b'fast contributes to his acid stomach.  

back in the saddle.  8 am soak and stretch.  lunch pretty good today beef broccoli brown rice coleslaw.  and adopted 2 potatoes, mac cheese, Ruben 2 juice and 2 chips I ate.  besides I remembered central library yard sale discards: micro plate, various small vases.  

I'm checking and cleaning Wysocki puzzle 300 21X15.  I'm playing and snacking.  my happy childhood.  

Magnesium from dollar tree-87/59

it works.  I slept great and awoke energized.  Louise Hay the soil is depleted due to "modern" agriculture".  

I finished the Yosemite puzzle.  and lunch turkey burger tasty.  Fred, Toki. Walter.  Ruben gave me last piece of blueberry creme cake in container.  very good.  

I found 'Hatari', 'Cactus Flower, Beach Boys karaoke in central book store.  upstairs at puzzle young rudeness expected me to do all the work.  so I'm resting in copy room listening to Louise.  enjoying my snacks.  

"what you appreciate appreciates" Louise.  

living room avalanche-87/54-returned hot spot

my third area.  the front door laundry falling was a balancing act.  and the kitchen mess all barricades against the sisters.  camouflage.  the only way to keep my stuff.  they take my things to inconvenience me.  huh, they want me to kill myself.  dad's alcoholic dad hung himself in the front yard. 

theta waves.  

front door shoe rack

fell apart.  and I remained calm.  it was slightly interesting.  I'll have to pick it up.  

I went to seniors 7:58 stretched and soaked.  I bought roast beef lunch bag then St Justin 10:21 no line and weekend bag.  I relaxed and played walking through the book sale.  I ate the potato bun from yesterday and juice.  back to the bag sale 10/$5.  

took me 2 hours to re assemble and sort through shoes and plastic bags.  

I'm Matilda/Melinda

I waited patiently and renewed my chrome when no holds.  so I'm clear.

old timer Viet Nam vet trying to involve me I'm out talking him on Trump.  he tried to intimidate my use of chair by claiming I had athletes foot which he already has in great detail on his head, butt, feet.