I'm feeling the helplessness and hopelessness of 1998. I couldn't understand the horror of Eric and me stuck caring for my own family.
I couldn't do anything but pray and feel fear for us. I didn't have time to feel. I had too much to do to survive moment to moment. I had to work to pay my bills and drive dad back and forth to the doctors appointments and emergency. I barely survived and those feelings are back. PTSD.
so I'm going through the motions again feeling I'm barely surviving. my friends are my reward and I have a legal team.
lunch was lovely w/Gloria, Fred, Toki, Walter. Walter got me extra goulash w/egg noodles the best part. I completed a 300 piece puzzle after lunch. feeling panicked running away I biked. I hung out 'til 3 and came home.
I love doing what I want after a lifetime of work, doing what I had to do. I'm reading the original Gentlemen Prefer Blondes by Anita Loos 1925 on Gutenberg,org. doing my favorite thing when I want, always.
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