and Soon needed her gym lock cut off. rescued. bolt cutters to the rescue. life following fiction.
I'm annoyed Walter ate the ban mi. I took 2 bowls. he's hopeless. I'm done. out of the nest.
Damon supervisor Mallory's retirement party.
I walked college Safeway nothing I wanted found 5 cigs in pall mall pack.
I was getting nostalgic watching Disney. eh, I let go of the past.
I've been suffering when I have grapefruit. I drank almost an entire 750 ml and my stomach is fine.
YIPPEE!!
this collision is all about releasing and forgiving my family. the odds are the same. four of them against me. and this too shall pass.
I have friends and a team now. I'm not alone.
I'm sipping cherry juice. took an hour in the tub under jets to relax spasms. my muscles feel sore and battered.
I feel exhausted.
in the micro 6 minutes. I'm watching mafia mamma. Toni Collette is so funny.
I'm creating my personal heaven.
no trace at the libraries. first bi racial main couple on TV sit com.
I added buffalo chicken to beans rice plus lunch corn still very very very spicy. added water helped a little.
it sprinkled.
9:30 I decided not to think, just do, so I dressed and picked up lunch at St Justin. Sunshine took Ruben's extras like a giant baby T-rex bird begging. he did not look comfortable and she didn't care. Bonnie pretended we were friends to cut in line apologizing but not going back.
library I ate ham cheese, Cheetos, apple pouch. I read 2 People mags, and am reading P G Wodehouse online. and Marla Gibbs. HEAVEN.
So blessed.
not raised with it, generating takes priming the pump every day. difficult and exhausting. Louise helps.
if it wasn't for Fred, Toki and Walter I wouldn't bother with seniors. the food is mediocre, most people there are small minded. workers have huge egos. more for city employees than seniors.
I love reading online.
I'm feeling the helplessness and hopelessness of 1998. I couldn't understand the horror of Eric and me stuck caring for my own family.
I couldn't do anything but pray and feel fear for us. I didn't have time to feel. I had too much to do to survive moment to moment. I had to work to pay my bills and drive dad back and forth to the doctors appointments and emergency. I barely survived and those feelings are back. PTSD.
so I'm going through the motions again feeling I'm barely surviving. my friends are my reward and I have a legal team.
lunch was lovely w/Gloria, Fred, Toki, Walter. Walter got me extra goulash w/egg noodles the best part. I completed a 300 piece puzzle after lunch. feeling panicked running away I biked. I hung out 'til 3 and came home.
I love doing what I want after a lifetime of work, doing what I had to do. I'm reading the original Gentlemen Prefer Blondes by Anita Loos 1925 on Gutenberg,org. doing my favorite thing when I want, always.
after soak and stretch. I always feel better after. my homemade trail mix is so good. I ate half a pound of lunch fish but I'm hungry. I gave potatoes and veg to the crows.
I'm committed to staying on top of things. I've been so depressed, feeling unloved since the collision.
I washed a filthy plastic 3.4 qt. OXO vacuum canister I found in the parking lot. the cafeteria washroom has hot water and antibacterial soap.
I went to Mission then Central library still didn't have double side printing. I managed to figure out car registration and license copy myself I needed help on multiple but still didn't get the result I wanted. oh, well. I puzzled 'til close. ouch my back.
home 7:10
we got the July menu. I checked Sunny is closed Th-Fri July 2-3. oh, well.
I decided to pick up my hot spot and found a new $15 tankini and lemon almonds $3.49 at Ross' and lemon cake $5.99 at Sprouts with samples. home 6 pm. I ate some lunch fish considering CVS. coupons expiring today. not now my feet are sore walked ALL over. July 1 OTC allowance.
I ate too much lemon cake. oh, I remembered corn bean salad best snack. tankini so comfortable.
Danielle called no mail yet. should have arrived. I mailed Wednesday. 4 days.
I forgot to eat. took my supplements and felt full. I always have granola bars. sweeter than I prefer. I'm resting at the puzzle table. my stomach aches.
wearing a brace helps. and eating lunch. they didn't drain noodles and it turned into soup. I gave Toki trunk fruit. I released bread and old noodles to crows. Ruben gave me the last piece of Judy/Bonnie Lucky's cake.
I just realized I am Igor. old age hump back.
I love, love, love goofing off.
3 pm lemon mousse cake and turkey tetrazzini soup. I'm so relaxed. reminds me of falling asleep at the library and the guard waking me. years ago. now people eat and sleep anywhere. and talking.
I'm wearing navy shorts and pink spandex. pool maybe 4?
I'm resting.
huh, I can come here twice if I want. miss Vicky Jesus sister said she has one pass w/Kaiser. Toki could get it.
ooh, Cup lib 9 am using city guest. the auto return not online. I have shade parking, listening to Louise. HEAVEN! auto return turned on.
Asian man just gave me new 17.6 oz raw Manuka honey APR 2030 no refrigerate.
and now to read Marla Gibbs. more Heaven. the man who parked next to me is the super gym that trashed the newspaper not sharing. I didn't know he was homeless.
I love parties. I'm feeling stunned. lots of cheesecake dessert. lunch was sandwiches. Ruben gave me 2 St Justin ham cheese. lots of left over bean corn cilantro tomato, carrot, coleslaw salad. Fred, Walter, Toki hurray!
biked before and after. still very stiff stretching.
I checked college Safeway Jack Daniel's pulled pork for $5. good walk.
home 2:30.
warning lucid dream: my home is almost done being remodeled and older and young man come around for pick up contractor jobs. actually scam predators seeking prey. don't allow in.
I enjoy resting and relaxing reading. I soaked and stretched my half hour then biked half and half. I was so excited. I reminded Fred gave me cd player Walter belt and Toki all this week. Walter not too frantic.
I've tried so hard to forget I forgot to list my injuries.
today I almost forgot my 1 pm phone meeting w/Barbara O. suddenly at 12:50 it popped into my head and I hustled to retrieve my chrome bag/phone from the locker room and questionnaire bag from the car. she was wonderful explaining the process could take a year.
poor Eric Togami. he had to go through his dad's death twice. trial 1998 and appeal 2003.
I biked half and half. Toki came in 2:30. hope everything is going well.
WOW! Panera automatically connected me. AND I redeemed $5, $10.85. and I'm resting after my harrowing ordeal.
OK. I think. so far. Louise "blessings are mine".
AAAAAAUUGGHH!!!!! the phone records are 2025 not 2024. I called Danielle after Eric. Tasha @ Consumer Cellular gave me the phone number for security. James will resend. I already paid $4.
Ruben gave me St Justin lunch sans cookies. I gave sandwiches to Paul. I got extra lunch and Walter's donation. I forgot.
I was so upset I biked half and half hour trying not to overdo. get that cortisol out.
I considered fill up. tomorrow better. I'm SO STRESSED!! just thinking of the questionnaire makes me tense PTSD Eric tragedy, my folks, sisters. everything I've avoided to survive.
it's like a horrible movie monster that won't die. forty years of HELL!!
sweaty. I showered leisurely and biking the ex-husband's cheater energy. TV talking about the cost of college my anger he quit his job without telling me and I had to support us. 9 mph anger up to 11.07. he kept pleading and crying. the liar. just like Aiko bragged. and I gave in believing his lies. I'd been lied to my entire life. i'm changing my chemistry.
And that's all changed. I've changed. I let go.
St Justin lunch Ruben gave me cookies, chips, yogurt. my neglected childhood now is being balanced by the universe taking care of me. I completed Disney SOUL puzzle 300 pc.
HEAVEN...
I rinsed my car windows and drove to seniors. took my time enjoying the ride. they opened late as usual. I filled 3 bottles and put in car I forgot my shorts. Zariah at desk. I showered taking my time. I biked 30 minutes and stretched 90. feeling rested taking care of me. filled another 3 bottles. set out pants, towel, socks to dry.
Ruben gave me snack bag and I got an extra chick garden salad. I saw Dino 'Camino' Medar and said how blessed we are he's so over qualified for his job and he said his last Friday, Tuesday his last work day he's going to LA world cup Bosnia v Switzerland then a job in Mtn View. I'm so proud of him following his heart.
yesterday 101 o's today only 94 o's short hours @ seniors I came early to central. so my car is parked in the cool underground.
wheel -jungle, a chic outfit
instant mood change. I just noticed his name Eric.
Eric Winberg Secretary to Barbara Olsen and paralegal Danielle Arena called to set up initial phone meeting Wednesday 6/17 @ 1 pm. Danielle will call today preliminary expectations regarding DEPOSITION.
Eric could here my upset so I told him my Post Traumatic Stress Frank Togami death by drunk driver 1998, my dad Frank died 1999, mom 2001. I didn't tell him my sisters' eviction 4 attorneys over 8 years and the ongoing harassment.
Walter insisted on trying to pontificate. I refused. we had a good honest authentic session while I waited for Danielle's call. nobody else in the world I'd argue with my situation.
nice chat she's sending me return envelopes.
if the crazies think that compares to my soap opera life they're way out there in another galaxy. crash burn.
emotional pain is so different. only time heals. I kept my suit in the locker. I'm wearing locker keys to remind me. I'm enjoying myself despite the excruciating pain.
I've given myself permission to rest and process my sadness. lunch with my family is good for my soul. Toki taking care of Walter. Fred eating better makes me laugh. the perfect group. I got extra meatballs and gravy, Toki and Fred gave me extra.
I'm printing the road map I traveled 2/14/2024. shows route better. helps me deflect neck, back, feet pain.
I decided to bike 20 minutes and stretch to change my feelings. feeling so stiff and stuck.
with God everything is simple and easy.
time is finally passing. it seemed stuck as me. my feelings are bubbling and churning. I must be safe to feel. I feel horrible. and this too will pass. still feeling raw guilt for Eric's troubles and my inability to take it away.
water is soothing. soaks away my cares. an hour.
processing feelings uses a lot of energy. everything is created by emotions.
Fred and Walter at lunch. I ordered garden chicken salad and got extra bean stew. tasty.
tired I came home at 2:30 napped 5-6:30 so I'm watching wheel and jeopardy after the playoffs.
I'm taking my own advice and processing Eric's death on the 13th.
his garage burned down Sunday night 8:45 pm May 15, 2016 stage 4 colon cancer. first stomach and died of lung cancer June 2017.
my sad story.
watching Jurassic is different. and Ruben gave me his ham cheese sandwiches.
biking @ seniors I realized people watch action movies as a substitute for living. I started watching Jurassic 4. the emotions are cathartic. feels like I'm doing something. workaholics use activity to suppress emotion. Walter.
I forgot the Wheel yesterday so I did it first thing.
I want an unlimited world of peace, plenty, and healing. anyone can have a personal heaven unique to themselves.
the computer room is perfectly cool and empty. I'm fine tuning my life while I wait for the copy of my phone records. new book Atomic Habits.
I printed the 2003 denied appeal of the man convicted in 1999 of murder of Frank Togami Thursday March 12, 1998. and now I understand the energy with Karen Kuek. Eric went through hell before dying 6/13/2017.
I'm just sitting with my feelings. fire destroyed shop May 15, 2016. I was busy surviving my sisters' harassment and threats of physical violence.
Louise Hay. someone set out 300 piece harvest puzzle I finished. I put away the 500 piece Dan Craig castle puzzle into plastic bags keeping the edge separate.
Mallory had peanuts from Smart & Final I got 2 ea honey roasted for Toki and cashews for Fred. I got 2 bowls noodles from lunch. talking to Candice maybe Jack Box burgers for dinner exp 8th. Anne hasn't been at seniors for months, showed up I was thinking of her. Candice helped her fill out forms.
I love my rhythm of life. I got burgers and checked internet.
I finished one tough puzzle. 500 oddly shaped. beautiful. Mall thinks larry meercat is the thief.
today is Eric's 9th. I'm in black. I'm wearing my ruffles this week. 2 black, mint, hot pink.
exactly one week since I received questionnaire. I started.
I'm in mourning. I feel safe. I biked 32 minutes. I'm stretching and relaxing. Walter got me fish and I got one. with zucchini. I didn't want the bell pepper slaw and I'll cook the onion salsa. I finished 300 piece cats puzzle. I'm gearing up to print blog pages for questionnaire. ugh! Capital One bought Discover. fingers crossed July.
