4;30 i'm so freaked out by my tooth. i slept maybe 2 hours. teeth represent survival sustenance. feeding oneself. i'm watching 'the year dolly parton was my mom'. when i saw it maybe 10 years ago i rediscovered 'love is like a butterfly' the theme song to a britcom i watched religiously maybe 1976-7 when i was 'happily' married. the tv show delved into the life of a housewife with two teenage sons and a husband settled into domestic boredom. the theme song i loved was covered by not dolly parton so i was stunned finding all the music from this movie were songs dolly wrote.
i'm still finding myself and the movie is about the journey of self discovery.
looked on wiki by geoffrey palmer the brit com was 'butterflies'1974 original airing.
6;15 am i thought i wanted to go to lucky's to redeem 4 offers and i changed my mind. i'm tired and need to pamper myself. i'm more flexible.
6;30 watching classical stretch i fell asleep and dreamed i gave and received a big hug from eric on a beautiful beach. i guess i had to feel exhausted to allow myself this blessing. so worth the exhaustion. along with missing eric i miss the not knowing before june 13 2017. the world has tanked. i knew truth would cause measured chaos.
i'm so tired i feel sick. tired of depth of racism cruelty greed. my own family biologically painful.
back on the spiral. i keep forgetting. i'm remembering faster. i freaked myself out wondering if the tooth cement was poisoning me. oh me, oh my, oh mother.
4 pm i'm finally hungry. ate ramen and carrots. i read dec-jan blogs. i feel better about my life. this is all old feelings stored in my body during unsafe times.
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