feeling tired

my entire life has been being the good mother.  and i'm tired of taking care or everyone.  i'm tired of taking care of me.  i was always distracted by everyone else's needs never having a chance of knowing what i wanted because i never mattered to anyone else.  not because i wanted to but because my childhood survival depended on it.  i was trained to be a selfless caretaker.  i never had a choice before and i'm tired.  after a lifetime i'm finally having time to myself and i'm feeling my exhaustion.  a life without the distractions of people needing me.

i'm back to being me.  just me.

dental exam was quick.  i need deep cleaning so 2 appointments half at a time with novacaine no pain.  2 small cavities need crowns.  from extensive resurfacing.  2 weeks to recover y equanimity. 

so seniors 9;36 #3 i contemplated laundry i already did enough today. 

after resting i remembered to try cd in karaoke machine.  $10 st justin years ago i never tried it before worked great.  i prefer listening without ear phones.  i like the sound to wash over me. 

i called tom he doesn't want the deck back.