creating my perfect life

i'm staying in bed as long as i want.  no self criticism.  i woke and slept and feel ok.  i watched dvd and stretched 2 hours.  gave myself palpitations no caffeine and remedied with coffee fruit drink. 

i cooked tart plums with sugar for juice.  put in kombucha glass bottle

i didn't watch game shows.  i'm doing what i feel like doing when i feel like it.  betty white classic tv 1957-8 date with the angels.  americans were taught what to think, feel, want by big business.  all the 50's shows were basically propaganda to sell more stuff make more money.  greed became the american way at any cost.

i've got the creepy crawlies.  my nerves are coming alive.  remembered ramen noodles $tore.  allowing bags again.  walgreen's bought organic cigs using coupon's last day. 

9;52 car #6.  i walked around park dropping my wet hankie and had to go find it walking some more. at some point the center was open; blue 6 ft markings at front door. 

i started clearing the coat closet door.  over did it.  my back is messed up.  oh, well.

made soup and noodles.  like when i was bedridden and couldn't eat many things. 

so tired.

i'm unsure if it's physical, emotional or both.  i want to cry and can't.  my eyes are burning.  could be godzilla sahara dust storm.  meteorologists say it happens every year.  first i've heard of it. 

my arms are so sore and muscle bound.  must be from my back nerves, my shoulder blades are tight and sore.

i've tried so hard to be the best i can manage and i'm still sore and tired.  seems pointless.  where's the reward?  maybe watching jamie oliver cooking 15 minute meals.  i don't like cooking.  his extreme dyslexia gives me hope.  he found his niche and makes life easier for me.  stimulates my brain. 

9;52 senior lunch line car #5 took me only 8 minutes drive.  i put out garbage bin, watered porch plants.  washed and dried coffee cup for burger king double croissant breakfast meal $1 more.

i'm wearing stretch denim skirt i didn't remember buying.  lovely embroidered pockets and tarnished old zipper.  i had to wash and brush it.  the fabric was like new.  i'm sure i bought it used at thrift store.  it's amazing how much i have.  i'm amazed i set myself up so well for this pandemic.  given enough money i'd move to a space all my own.  smaller more efficient.  i have clothing to last the rest of my life.  clothes to remodel make over.  the house is a project to keep me busy the rest of my life.  finding what the sister haven't stolen. 

sitting watching life at the park and neighborhood keeps me in touch with the world.  keeps me grounded.   i'll go home and do what my body tells me.  i've spent my life doing what my mind told me was the right thing to do.  and here i am.  unhappy. 

bing crosby

suicide doesn't appear in his immediate life until his twin sons shot themselves 5 years apart. 

alcoholism is a component.   in my family on both sides.  physical abuse.  harry 'bing' crosby's behavior created and hoarded a vast fortune.  he only agreed to share his fortune after his children turned 65 which they didn't live that long. 

from blog

wouldn't open from all posts went through blog.

woke from over view tom's life nothing's changed.  i've been remembering his dad john.  i wonder if tom does.  what he learned from his dad was self defeat.  tom always feels sorry for himself and doesn't see he's a product of the examples he learned.  he doesn't accept where he is so he can't be himself.  he' trying to live  what was current 70 years ago.

dysfunction is using out of date learned behaviors.

decided i wanted to try ordering online panera took 45 minutes.  and 15 drive up, park, delivered, drive home.  no stopping pretty cool.

feel like smoking

in the middle of eating an apple.  go figure.

nothing good on tv 'til 9 green acres.  oh, well.

i didn't go for free water last night too tired.  washed my hair and cut my nails.  slept pretty good from stretching everything out.

oh my back.  i dressed considering panera vs. b king.  i wanted to go early before it got hot.  i thought maybe a salad and remembered i got all the veggies thursday.  i could make soup.  remembered i have ramen cups and patriot meals.  cut up carrots cabbage celery for stock.  ate cheerios /chocolate turmeric milk and two easy eggs.

while cooking i looked through jewelry and pocket scraps.  i'm good.  found second terry towel pool cover up i made.  put winter clothes away.  ate apples, clearance chips and cheese.. 

free water

went to safeway $5 sushi and free smart water.  sushi wasn't made at 9;16 so then i stood in one only line open for half hour for great clearance.  came seniors 9;53 9th in line.

ok. 

empathy?

I WOKE WITH VISCERAL FEAR THAT MELTED AWAY AS I BECAME CONSCIOUS LEADING ME TO QUESTION IF IT WAS MINE.  ALMOST EVERYTHING IN THERE BELONGED TO SOMEONE ELSE.  I'M BECOMING MORE SENSITIVE.  NICOTINE IS A BUFFER.  ANALGESIC.   AS I RELEASE NICOTINE I'M BOUND TO BECOME MORE SENSITIVE TO EVERYTHING AROUND ME.  MY BLOOD SUGAR IS PRETTY GOOD THIS MORNING.  MY UNDER ARMS ARE A GOOD GAUGE TO WHAT MY LEVELS ARE.  I'M SLOWLY CLEARING MY BODY AND SPACE.

BALANCE.

I'M CLEARING THE ENERGY.  IT'S WHAT I DO WHAT I'VE ALWAYS DONE.  EVERY PLACE I'VE EVER LIVED I'VE CLEARED CLEANED THE SPACE TO NEUTRALIZE THE ENERGY.

I JUST MADE THE BEST DRINK OF CHOCOLATE QUICK,  TURMERIC IN COCA COLA.

WILCOX FOOD GIVE AWAY 3 TYPES LETTUCE, CAULIFLOWER, CABBAGE, 2 ONIONS, 2 MILK, 2 PACKETS 1 POUND BABY CARROTS, CELERY STALKS, MINI CHEESE PIZZA.

tom offered used bed.  i have to remember only new.  all my life has been used hand me downs and me neutralizing energy.  i want to create.

sent fit kit.

WENT TO KING FOR CROISSANTS.  SO DELIGHTFULLY GREASY.  I LIKE BEING AN ADULT GETTING TO EAT WHAT I WANT.  I MUST FOCUS ON WANTING WHAT'S GOOD FOR ME AUTO PILOT ENGAGED.  THE HASH BROWNS ARE FABULOUS.

AND DROVE BY POST OFFICE 1 MILE FROM B KING AND .5 TO SENIORS. 

I WAS CONCERNED I WOULDN'T HAVE ENOUGH GUM BUT ABC VOILA ENOUGH. 

jamie quick cooking

I DON'T ENJOY COOKING.  I LOVE EATING.  I LEARN THE FASTEST MOST EFFICIENT FLAVORFUL TECHNIQUE.  FROM JULIA CHILD TO JACQUES PEPIN TO JAMIE OLIVER.

AND I'M WAITING TO PUT ON MY BACK BRACE 'TIL I'M READY TO LEAVE.

NEW BEHAVIOR. 

I REPLIED TO CATHY'S EMAIL.  SUCH A LOT OF THOUGHT.

I'M GETTING USED TO THIS HUMAN CONDITION.  I'M GLAD I'M NOT A CHILD.  TOO MANY DECISIONS TOO MUCH STUFF.  IF I HAD A LIFETIME AHEAD OF ME I'D FREAK OUT.  JUST LIVING DAY TO DAY WITHOUT A PLAN IS HARD ENOUGH.

TOM CALLED AS I ARRIVED AT DOLLAR STORE.  HE KEEPS SAYING HE'S COMING TO GET HIS BOOKS IN THE GARAGE CUPBOARD AND HIS BED BOARDS.  I TOOK MY TIME TALKING

new behavior

I TURNED OFF CHROME TO RESET OVERLOAD ON FLAGGED SITES.  FOR 2 DAYS I COULDN'T GET PAGES TO LOAD.  I READ THE SEE MORE AND CHECKED THE CHROME LOG AND IT WAS OVERFLOWING.  I HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT WORKS.  I ONLY KNOW I CHOSE NOT TO DELETE ONE AT A TIME SO I SHUT IT OFF TO RESET AND DIDN'T REMEMBER MY PASSWORDS.  IT'S BEEN SUCH A LONG TIME SINCE I USED OTHER COMPUTERS.

I'M OK.  I MANAGED.  NOW TO RECOVER PAGES.

home by 9

I GOT GAS COSTCO  I NOTICED NO RECEIPT, LOWE'S 3/$10 LAVENDER, 24 HOUR ARQUES SHOWERS POOLS CLOSED, HALFORD BURGER KING BACON CROISSANT DEFINITELY SMALLER THAN SCOTT.  I ALMOST FORGOT MY COFFEE.

ALL THIS AND HOME 9 A M.  WATCHED A LITTLE 3RD ROCK ATE MY B'FAST.  THE LITTLE CONDIMENT RUBBER MAID IS PERFECT FOR GUM.  I CHEW WITH SUGAR FREE MINTS.  I DON'T NEED NICOTINE.

LYING IN MY AB LOUNGER I MAY SPEND THE DAY.

i made another magnetic clasp and spotted the misplaced turtle necklace on the 3 bulb lamp.  oh, i'm a one woman riot.

how relaxed

HUH!! 6/20/20.  AT LUCKY'S I PICKED UP FREEBIE WATER AND BAG OF WATER SOFTENER SALT $4.  DROPPED OFF AND PICKED UP LIBRARY.  CONSIDERED ST JUSTIN OR BURGER KING.  BACON CROISSANT WON.  THEN THEY GAVE ME SAUSAGE I DIDN'T KNOW 'TIL I ATE IT.  EH, MORE PROTEIN.  HASH BROWNS DELICIOUS. 

GONE, GONE, GONE

AGAIN.  FRESH START.  LUCKY'S FRIDAY FREEBIE 16 OZ CAN AHA SPARKLING WATER.  DECIDED TO PICK UP TOMORROW BEFORE LIBRARY REQUEST PICK UP. 

serendipity

I WAS READY TO GLUE CLIPS TO 2 PINK/GREEN LEATHER FLOWERS WITH PEARL CENTER FOR SHOES AND WHEN I OPENED THE PACK ALREADY HAD CLIPS.  HURRAH!!

IT REVERTED.  I LOST 2/3 OF WHAT I WROTE BETWEEN HOME AND SENIORS.  MAYBE I HAVE TO PUBLISH IN BITS TO SAVE POST.

I WATCHED MY GAME SHOWS, SIT FIT, STRETCH, JAMIE.  WATERED PLANTS, PRICE CHECKED SAFEWAY.  .62 LB SPAGHETTI, ROCK FISH.  THE CHECKER COULDN'T FIGURE OUT 30 PERCENT OFF WHEN THE COUPON DIDN'T SCAN.  SHE DIDN'T KNOW 30+70=100 PERCENT.  70% IS EASIER THAN 30% TIMES MINUS.  ONE OPERATION VERSUS TWO.  OH, WELL.

DIDN'T USED TO

DISAPPEAR.  I ALWAYS LEFT PAGES OPEN AND THEY WERE FINE.  NOT NOW.  THERE WAS NO INTERNET INSIDE HOME SO I STARTED THIS IN THE CAR.  EVAPORATED DRIVING TO SENIORS.

DO I WANT TO KEEP MAKING NEW PAGES DURING THE DAY?  I DON'T KNOW.  NOTHING WASTEFUL REALLY OTHER THAN RETRAINING MY HABITS.  MAYBE THAT'S WHAT FEELS UNCOMFORTABLE.  NEW HABITS ALWAYS HAVE AN EDGE.  EVEN FUN ONES.

ARRIVED 9;37 3RD CAR.  NOT ENOUGH TIME TO GO PRICING AT SAFEWAY AND HAVE PRIME SPOT.  I WANT TO WATCH MEDIUM WITH MY LUNCH.  I CHOOSE.  I FINALLY REMEMBERED TWINE TO REPLACE CAR SEAT ELASTIC.  NOW IT'S JUST TYING IT.

I STARTED A NEW SYSTEM MONDAY OF WASHING MY SANDAL FEET AFTER DINNER.  I THINK THE HIP ACTION IS HELPING MY BACK SLEEPING.  LESS PAIN DISCOMFORT.  AND I DUMP THE WATER BUCKET ON MY LILAC.  I WANT MORE LAVENDERS AND LILACS.

SALMON WAS PRETTY GOOD.  RICE DRY.  BROCCOLI SLAW SUNFLOWER SEEDS GOOD.  GREEN BEANS HARICOT VERDE OK.   FEELING TIRED COULD BE DIGESTING.

7 pm 83 o. 

back to the library

2;30 CAMPBELL.   GOT EMAIL FROM CITY WITH HOURS AND PROCEDURE.

I CAME HOME, ATE LUNCH. WATCHED MEDIUM, LEFT AT 1 FOR WALMART PAID PGE.  CONSIDERED BUYING GUM, LATER.  REALIZED I LEFT PHONE HOME IN CHARGER 2 PM.  WENT NEW WAY TO LIBRARY PARKED IN SHADE EMPTY LOT.

CONSIDERED SHOPPING OR CITY LIBRARY BUT MUST BE TIRED TO FORGET PHONE SO HOME.  AND I MISPLACED KITCHEN REMOTE FOR HALF HOUR SO YEAH TIRED.

GOOD DAY.

 

OK

WATCHED OKLAHOMA.  WOKE AT 2;30.  I'VE GOT IT.  I HAVE TO LISTEN TO CD.  RE PROGRAMMING TAKES DEDICATION.  NOT DRIVING LISTENING SO MORE ATTENTION TO CD.

I'M FEELING LOST AND ABANDONED BUT I'M OK.  MY EMOTIONS ARE CATCHING UP TO MY LIFE.  I FELL ASLEEP WATCHING JAMIE AND MARTHA STEWART WOKE ME.

I PLANNED ON CHECKING PRICES AT SAFEWAY AND DETOURED TO DOLLAR STORE.  THE OLD ME WOULD HAVE OBSESSED AND COMPULSIVELY FORCED MYSELF TO FOLLOW THE ORIGINAL PLAN.  NEW ME KNOWS I CAN GO ANYTIME.

GETTING TO SENIOR BAD LUNCH 9;43 3RD CAR.  I READ FANNIE FLAGG STANDING IN THE RAINBOW AND STARTED CRYING FOR ERIC.  RELEASING HIS SAD LIFE I REALIZED DAD AND EX THE SAME.  I DON'T KNOW ALL.  THEY/WE ALL DESERVE COMPASSION.  HER CHARACTERS HAD SAD LIVES THAT GOOD FRIENDS MADE ALRIGHT.  AS BEST MARIGOLD HOTEL SAYS IF IT ISN'T ALRIGHT IT ISN'T THE END. 

 HOME I WROTE AUNTIE AND SENT WALTER BIRTHDAY 5 DOLLARS.  I RETURNED LIBRARY CALLS APPOINTMENT TO PICKUP HOLD TOMORROW 2;30.  AND CARE MORE WELLNESS CHECK.

I'M EXHAUSTED.

SURVIVED

THIS YEAR IS THE WORST.  I'M FEELING SAD, ISOLATED LIKE WHEN I WAS BED RIDDEN FOR 8 YEARS.  I HAD TOM AND ERIC CHECKING UP ON ME.  AILEEN AND MITZI WERE HARASSING ME, I HAD TO RETAIN LAWYER SUSAN KANCLIER FROM SHAWN PARR ASSOCIATES FOR $5,000.  TOOK 3 YEARS AND LETTERS THREATENING RESTRAINING ORDERS, COURT AND FORENSIC ACCOUNTING TO GET THEM OFF MY BACK.

I CONSIDERED GIVING UP BUT FOR TOM AND ERIC BEING DISAPPOINTED SAD. 

2002 AILEEN DISTRIBUTED THE TAXABLE PART OF MOM'S TRUST TO FILE 2001.  I HIRED RHONDA RICHARDS RECOMMENDED BY TOM'S SISTER DELLA.  TOM DROVE ME AROUND.  RHONDA RECOMMENDED SUSAN KANCLIER.

I FOUND AUNTIE'S DECEMBER LETTER IN AARP MAGAZINE I HADN'T READ.  I'M SO GLAD I'M A READ A HOLIC.

I PAID MEDICARE ONLINE TOOK ME AN HOUR EXALTED SUSAN.  WHEW.  I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF.

FRUSTRATION AND ANGER

TODAY IS 3 YEAR ERIC'S DEATH.  I GOT TO HIS HOSPITAL ROOM 10 MINUTES AFTER HE DIED.  EVERY ONE IN SHOCK.  HE LOOKED BETTER THAN THE TIME HE HAD ALCOHOL POISONING AT THE COUNTY FAIR WHEN HE AND GLENN WERE SUPPOSED TO PUT ON A SHOW AND I STEPPED UP TO FILL IN.  HE WAS PALE GREEN THEN.

WEATHER IS COOL I'M HOT.  LISTENING TO TRUMP ON TV NEWS CLAIMING HE'S DONE MORE FOR BLACKS THAN ABE LINCOLN I HAVE TO HOLD MY HEAD TO KEEP FROM EXPLODING.  ON TRUMP'S WATCH GEORGE FLOYD AND BREONNA  TAYLOR WERE MURDERED BY POLICE.  BECAUSE OF HIS CAVALIER ATTITUDE THE WORLD IS RISING UP IN OUTRAGE.  SO HE IS DOING GOOD IN A BACKWARD MANNER.

ERASED

NEVER DID IT BEFORE THE NEW FORMAT. 

FELLING SAD AND STRESSED.  TAKING KAVA TO RELAX AND PASSIONFLOWER FOR SADNESS. 

pain

I HAVE TO REMEMBER IT'S MY FRIEND, REMINDING ME TO LOVE MYSELF.  FRESH ASSOCIATION.  I'M FEELING NAUSEOUS.  IF I STAY VERY STILL I CAN GET THE SPASMS TO SUBSIDE.  I CAN FEEL THE BLOOD BEATING IN MY BACK.

EVERY SENSATION FEELS THREATENING.  I WASN'T ALLOWED FEELINGS CONSTANTLY CRITICIZED AS BEING TOO SENSITIVE.  THEY'D UNRELENTINGLY DREDGE UP THE PAST REFERRING TO HUMILIATING AND EMBARRASSING SITUATIONS.   LIKE THEY WERE SO PERFECT AND COOL.  NOW I'M FEELING ANGRY. 

GREEN ACRES WAS THE COSMETIC RERUN SO I BOUGHT LETTUCE AT SMART & FINAL.  9;40 IN LINE 4TH CAR.  DIDN'T TAKE AS LONG AS I THOUGHT.  THEY MOVE LIKE SNAILS.  I STILL WANT TO PRICE NESTLE QUICK AT SAFEWAY OR LUCKY'S.

I'M IN A MEAT EATING MOOD.  EXPERIMENTS DONE ON TODDLERS FOUND WHEN ALLOWED TO GRAZE IN THE COURSE OF A WEEK THEY ATE A BALANCED DIET.  I THINK A LOT OF OBESITY COMES FROM LACK OF CONNECTION TO LISTENING TO OUR BODIES.  I USED THE STRETCH BANDS THIS MORNING TO EXERCISE MY ARMS WHILE WATCHING JAMIE COOK QUICK POT PIE.  THEN HE MADE PEAS WITH MINT AND LETTUCE.  I BOUGHT LETTUCE SMART & FINAL .99.  I HAVE CANNED PEAS, CHICKEN, SALMON, TUNA, CORNED BEEF, SPAM.  CANNED AND FROZEN ARE PICKED WHEN RIPE UNLIKE FRESH. 

RAN INTO GEORGIA FRONT DOOR AS I WAS WATERING PLANTS.  COULDN'T REMEMBER HER NAME FOR HALF HOUR.  I COULD INSTANTLY THINK OF CAROL  I KNEW IT STATED WITH G AND KEPT GOING TO GLORIA.  GEORGIA COULD HAVE VOLUNTEERED TO HELP ME YARD WORK BUT HASN'T.  I GAVE AND SAVED SCRATCH PADS FOR HER FOR YEARS.  OH, WELL.  ANOTHER USER. 

VACATION

I DID WHAT I WANTED YESTERDAY WHATEVER IT WAS AND IT VANISHED.  I LEFT THE PAGE OPEN AS AN EXPERIMENT CLOSING AND OPENING IT.  I WONDERED IF PARTS WOULD REMAIN BUT ALL OF IT DISAPPEARED.  SO I KNOW TO CLOSE IT IF I'M NOT WRITING.  OR POOF.  IN ALL THE YEARS I'VE BEEN BLOGGING THIS IS NEW.

MY AFFECT IS CHANGING.  I DON'T KNOW THE EMOTIONS I'M FEELING. 

SHOCKING GREEN PROMISE 1948

I'VE HAD GREEN PROMISE 1948 MOVIE FOR YEARS AND ONLY WATCHED IT LAST NIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME.  WALTER BRENNAN PLAYS AN EGO STUBBORN FATHER LIKE DAD.  LIKE DAD HE SEEMS INTENT ON DESTROYING HIMSELF AND EVERY ONE AROUND HIM.  LIKE DAD HE MANIPULATES AND BULLIES.  LIKE AILEEN TOO.  I CAN WATCH AS A NEUTRAL OBSERVER.

HE APOLOGIZES AND CHANGES UNLIKE DAD.  DAD CHOSE TO WALLOW.  HE HAD US JOIN JW'S IN A HALF-HEART ED ATTEMPT TO REGAIN GOD'S APPROVAL.  HE COULD HAVE LEFT US HOME.  SINS OF THE FATHER.  DAD AVOIDED TAKING RESPONSIBILITY.  HE TRIED TO SPREAD IT AROUND.  DIDN'T WORK.  NEITHER DOES TRYING TO EXPIATE SOMEONE ELSE'S SINS.  ONLY YOUR OWN. 

THE WHOLE POINT TO 12 STEP PROGRAMS IS MAKING AMENDS.  STOP SINNING IS A GREAT WAY TOO. 

MY HIDING THINGS FROM MYSELF IS MY FAMILY INGRAINED SELF-SABOTAGING. WHEN I GET OVERLY STIMULATED I GO UNCONSCIOUS, REVERT TO THE FAMILY AND THINK LIKE DAD, TOO CLEVER.  IT'S NEVER ANYTHING IMPORTANT THANK GOD PROTECT ME FROM MYSELF.

I LOOKED ONLINE FOR FACE MASK PATTERNS AND DIRECTIONS.  NOT GOOD.  VAGUE.  I'LL JUST COPY THE CHEAP ONES I HAVE.  I'M FINE TUNING MY LIFE.  A SUCCESSFUL LIFE IS A LOT OF LITTLE THINGS.   

brain body

miranda esmonde white has a new aging backwards series 3.  i found it channel surfing

not only is exercise good for the brain through circulation but moving challenges the brain balancing muscles. 

vanished

I WATCHED ROMAN HOLIDAY AUDREY HEPBURN.  I LOVE THE SPECIAL FEATURES.  GREGORY PECK, EDDIE ALBERT.  I THINK THAT'S WHY SHE MARRIED MEL FERRER.  HE'S TALL, DARK AND HANDSOME.  TOO VOLATILE THOUGH. 

I LEFT THE PAGE OPEN AND EVERYTHING DISAPPEARED.

I WENT TO LUCKY'S TO COLLECT MY FREE CANADA DRY 2 LITER BOLD GINGER ALE AND BOUGHT 2 FOR 1 WHOPPER AT BURGER KING FOR LUNCH AND DINNER.  I ATE SENIOR ROAST BEEF SANDWICH FOR BREAKFAST.  AND LOTS OF CHIPS.

THE ONLY WAY TO KEEP MY POST FROM DISAPPEARING IS TO CLOSE THE PAGE.

FEELING SO SAD

I'M MISSING ERIC THIS MORNING.  6 HOURS AT NIGHT AND AFTERNOON NAPS.  HIS TRAGIC LIFE KEEPS PLAYING IN MY HEART AND MIND.  DOING IS A FORM OF RUNNING AWAY.  CALLED CHASE TO TRY TO REINSTATE ACCOUNT.  WOULDN'T REOPEN.  WENT TO LUCKY'S FOR EMERGENCY WATER.  DONE.

I'M FOCUSING ON PINK MARBLE HEAVEN.  I'D LIKE AN INTELLIGENT MAN IN MY LIFE.  EVERYTHING IS BETTER SHARED.  GOOD AND BAD HAPPY AND SAD.  I'M SURE THE WHOLE PURPOSE OF THE BIBLE IS TO BRING US TO CREATE HEAVEN.  AND I'M READY.  GOV. GAVIN NEWSOM IS THE FIRST POLITICIAN TO CALL FOR PEACE AND PROSPERITY AND MEAN IT.  FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY RACIAL INEQUALITY IS BEING ADDRESSED BY ALL COLORS ALL OVER THE WORLD.  KEN KEYES 100TH MONKEY MAYBE THE MILLIONTH MURDER  IS ENOUGH SACRIFICE TO REGAIN THE GARDEN OF EDEN.  WE'LL BECOME EARTH STEWARDS AND WORK WITH THE EARTH AND NOT AGAINST IT.  EVOLUTION IS A GIVEN.  IF WE REFUSE TO EVOLVE WE'LL MAKE OURSELVES EXTINCT.

ASPERGERS AUTISM IS EVOLUTION NOT A DISABILITY.  AUTISTS HYPER FOCUS.

BARRY KAUFMAN (SONRISE) POSTULATED POLLUTION AS A STEP IN EVOLUTION.  OVERPOPULATION HAS LED TO CORONA VIRUS.  WITHOUT WORLD TRAVEL IT WOULDN'T HAVE SPREAD.  WOULD HAVE STAYED LOCAL.  THE BATS CARRYING THE VIRUS ALREADY HAVE IMMUNITY YET NO ONE LOOKS TO THE BATS.  WE'VE HAD SWINE, BIRD, ETC. FLU TO LEARN FROM AND HAVE YET TO BE SMART ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH IT.

erased

TAKE #2.  AFTER 30 MINUTE JAMIE I WENT TO LUCKY'S FOR THE BONUS WRAPS.  MEDIOCRE.  OK FOR DINNER.  BLAND.  I'LL LOSE WEIGHT EATING THEM.  200 POINTS FOR 11.98.  157 EXPIRING THE END OF MONTH.  I LOADED 200 FOR 2 DOLLARS OFF 4 GAL .69 EACH CRYSTAL GEYSER WATER 2.76+40 CRV=3.16-2.00 REWARD=1.16 TOMORROW. 

9;44 I WAS #2 IN SENIOR LINE.  WEIRD UPSTAIRS PERV.  O MUST BE PERV TOO.  THEY'RE FRIENDS.  QUESTIONABLE PEOPLE DON'T LIKE ME.  I MAKE THEM UNCOMFORTABLE.  GUILT.  THEY PROJECT THEIR LACK ON ME AND DON'T LIKE ME.  I LIKE EVERYONE UNTIL THEY DISRESPECT ME.  THEN I KNOW I CAN'T TRUST THEM.  THEY NO LONGER EXIST FOR ME.  BANISHED FROM MY UNIVERSE.

I HAD A LOVELY DAY KEEPING COOL WITH MY WET TOWELS.  I THOUGHT I MISPLACED ONE UNTIL I REALIZED IT WAS ON MY HEAD.  I MAKE MYSELF LAUGH.

SENIOR LUNCH WAS WEIRD.  MUST HAVE BEEN TOO MUCH SUGAR.  I COULD FEEL IT IN MY EYES.  BLURRY.  PRESSURE.  BLAND LUCKY WRAPS EVENED IT OUT.  I'M GOOD.

BIT BY BIT I'M STRAIGHTENING UP.  HOUSE AND BODY.

2010-12

Jamie Oliver 30/15 minute meals on TV.

A LOT ON WIKIPEDIA.  BEING SEVERELY DYSLEXIC READ CATCHING FIRE HIS FIRST NOVEL AGE 38.  FASCINATING.  PROBABLY MOTIVATED HIM TO GO TO COLLEGE AT 16 FOR HOME ECONOMICS DEGREE.  REGULAR SCHOOL WOULD HAVE BEEN RUBBISH FOR HIM.

I'M SOLDIERING ON.  DIDN'T GET MUCH SLEEP 'CAUSE BACK FROM DOING LAUNDRY.  I MUCH PREFER PAIN TO NAUSEA.  AND 5;30 I HAD LOVELY DREAM OF HEAVEN.  I BELIEVE WE CAN GO THERE IN OUR DREAMS.  THEN WHEN WE DIE WE TAKE UP RESIDENCE OR MOVE ON.

I FOUND THE GIFT CARDS AND CASES BUT AARP/CHASE IS STORED SOMEWHERE ELSE.  MY PENCHANT FOR MYSTERIES.  NOT A GOOD ONE.

SO I CALLED AND LAKYN SAID NEW NUMBER.  WOULDN'T ISSUE UPDATED COPY.  COMPANY POLICY.  3-5 BUSINESS DAYS.  THEN BECAUSE OF THE 98 o HEAT PHONE STATIC.  SOLAR FLARES FULL MOON.  I'LL KEEP IT WITH AARP.

NEW

COMING INTO ALIGNMENT.  WENT TO SCOTT LAUNDRY IN SENIOR LUNCH LINE 10;04 #7.  77 o. 

I GOT LETTER FROM AARP CHASE CARD 1111.  IT'S IN MY RED FEBRUARY 14 NEW MOUSE RFID AARP RED FANNY PACK.  I'M SEARCHING.  MY LATEST QUEST.  I CAN ALWAYS REQUEST A NEW CARD AND I HAVE ANOTHER RFID.  IT HAS TO BE HOME I HAVEN'T BEEN ANYWHERE.  OH, WELL.  IT'S WITH MY SILVER RFID GIFT CARDS. 

I STARTED FOCUSING ON MONOPOLY TO THE EXCLUSION OF AARP AND THEN THE COVID ISOLATION DEPRESSION.  EVEN IF I'M AWARE I'M NOT INFALLIBLE. 

'prevalent'

PREVAIL.  I WAKE UP WITH WORDS AND SONGS. 

READING DAILY WORD BLOGGER REVEREND EILEENPATRA.COM WROTE POWER OF FOCUS.   CAN'T HIT TARGET WITHOUT IT.  I'D LIKE TO READ SPECIFIC DETAILS ON HER LEMONS TO LEMONADE CAR AND SHE PUBLISHED BOOK THE MYSTICAL ARK.  MY SISTER EILEEN BETTY GARRETT JANET LEIGH.  I DO LOVE GOING OFF ON TANGENTS.  MINI VACATIONS FROM MY LIFE. 

I'M SITTING WAITING FOR LUNCH.  I WATCHED MY SHOWS, ATE MY CEREAL, SET OUT GARBAGE, WENT TO CHASE BANK AND SAFEWAY RICE CRISPY TREATS, 3 SODAS CLEARANCE.  A FULL DAY ALREADY.  I REALIZED I CAN USE RICE CAKES AS RICE.  I HAVE SOUP, CHILI. 

MY LEFT FOOT, LEG, HIP TIGHTENED UP.  VALERIE SAID MALLORY LOST MY LUNCH MENU.  I CHOSE HOT MEAL ALL MONTH SHE'D NOTE IT.  PRETTY GOOD FISH.  I NUKED THE RAW ONIONS.  I WATCHED MEDIUM, THIN MAN MARATHON 2.3,  GODZILLA MARATHON.  I'M IN HEAVEN.

I FELT SO HAPPY I WENT TO CUPERTINO STAR ONE TO FINISH MY MONTHLY BANKING.  SAFEWAY HAD CLEARANCE PEANUT BUTTER COOKIES AND CORN BREAD I SERIOUSLY, CONSCIOUSLY CONSIDERED MORE SWEETS, AND BOUGHT THEM.  I ATE THE MINI CAN OF CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP WITH RICE CRACKERS, DICED TOMATOES, CORN BREAD. 

I'M SO GOOD.