so tired.

i'm unsure if it's physical, emotional or both.  i want to cry and can't.  my eyes are burning.  could be godzilla sahara dust storm.  meteorologists say it happens every year.  first i've heard of it. 

my arms are so sore and muscle bound.  must be from my back nerves, my shoulder blades are tight and sore.

i've tried so hard to be the best i can manage and i'm still sore and tired.  seems pointless.  where's the reward?  maybe watching jamie oliver cooking 15 minute meals.  i don't like cooking.  his extreme dyslexia gives me hope.  he found his niche and makes life easier for me.  stimulates my brain. 

9;52 senior lunch line car #5 took me only 8 minutes drive.  i put out garbage bin, watered porch plants.  washed and dried coffee cup for burger king double croissant breakfast meal $1 more.

i'm wearing stretch denim skirt i didn't remember buying.  lovely embroidered pockets and tarnished old zipper.  i had to wash and brush it.  the fabric was like new.  i'm sure i bought it used at thrift store.  it's amazing how much i have.  i'm amazed i set myself up so well for this pandemic.  given enough money i'd move to a space all my own.  smaller more efficient.  i have clothing to last the rest of my life.  clothes to remodel make over.  the house is a project to keep me busy the rest of my life.  finding what the sister haven't stolen. 

sitting watching life at the park and neighborhood keeps me in touch with the world.  keeps me grounded.   i'll go home and do what my body tells me.  i've spent my life doing what my mind told me was the right thing to do.  and here i am.  unhappy.