4 am chemical imperative

logic is powerless to chemistry.  chemistry explains addictions chemical, behavioral, illogical.  people doing what they know is bad and having little power over themselves give up seeing themselves as weak or hopeless or bad.  as children chemical tracks are created to support survival and avoid pain.  those chemical patterns are reinforced over time so changing as an adult is overcoming years of chemical overlays which means that though difficult not impossible to change.  and why over time people can change.  and why a stroke resets the brain.  it's a major chemical interruption.  wipes old programming.

when dad had his cumadin brain bleed he was literally a different person.  rather than self punishment i'd rather see doing good to make up for bad behavior.  seems more productive.  

i'm watching 'blonde venus' and 'desire'.  marlene dietrich played good heart ed women always.  she was very wise.  a good person to study.

i'm still getting used to all this time.  what did i do before that was so important?

went to chase 10 am and stopped by st just food pantry asked john @ store.  2 bags got squash, tender broccoli, potatoes, 1 onion, 11 organic eggs, canned, oatmeal, etc.  tons of frozen i gave back.  took hour half to put away.  

computed @ main 'til 11 and stretched, picked up salty lunch and back to main.  park side poor reception.  front best.  did my computing with stress less.  decided to stretch.  pole is twice diameter.  different muscles stretched.  started sprinkling.  

1;30 inspired to deposit cu no other customers done back computing 2 pm.  called soc sec cindi said mrs corralis has been on vacation and saul's day off she took info again referred me to her supervisor david who will process.  so far no payments made no actions on my account.  whew!!  

home 3;11 in time for love boat.  put groceries away and cooked broccoli burger 2 slices cheese.  

8;30 i'm already sleepy.