trough

i'm feeling the down to yesterday's up.  it's not so much the what as the when.  i'm learning any job doesn't have to be done.  cleaning the yard can be done anytime. recycle.  no one depends on me.  i'm finally free.

i can do or not do.  the pressure is off.  I've been watching the Beatles anthology and realized alien was selling me to the highest bidder 1964-5 because of what mom taught her.  none of us had childhoods.  i can do better.  i did better.  i protected nit.  if she chooses alien up to her.  she's set.  

i don't have to sit waiting for game to load i can do something else.  so many games.  things to read.  travel by computer.  i checked out covid vaccine site no appointments available.  

i stopped at tiranga market on corner.  i wanted to check it out.  indian.  very clean.  limp veg dept.  bought sesame seeds and tasteless oil.  i don't know.  i added half to good oil.

when i'm out and about i can avoid my feelings.  i can distract myself.  i need tranquilizer.  i forgot to take.  i thought about it this morning and got distracted.

autistic aren't born with simple biological survival instincts.