slowly

I'M LEARNING TO LIVE MY LIFE.  MY EARLIEST MEMORY OF MY MOM WAS HER DRAGGING ME ALONG TO AND FROM THE STORE, HURRYING ME, CRITICIZING MY BABY LEGS.  LIKE I COULD HELP IT.

AUNTY KATCHAN WHO WAS RICH WANTED TO ADOPT ME.  DAD WOULDN'T LET HER.  SO DUMB.  FREE MEAL TICKET.  BUT HE WAS JEALOUS THEN, ALWAYS.  LIKE ALL THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE SINCE.  HABITS TAKE A LOT OF WORK.  A LIFETIME OF BAD HABITS TAKE EQUAL ENERGY TO CHANGE.  NOT TIME, ENERGY.  HENCE, MIRACLES.  MIRACLES ARE INSTANT.  NO TIME.

FIRST I HAD TO SEE MY SITUATION.  REALIZE MY PART IN PERPETUATION.  THEN DECIDE WHAT I WANT, LOOK, FEEL, TASTE, ETC.  AND PRACTICE SOMETHING NEW.

SO AFTER EXERCISING I CONSIDERED GOING TO SC OR CUPERTINO OR STAYING IN SUNNYVALE AND DECIDED I WANTED TO RETURN HOME, THE PLACE OF PAST TORMENT AND LONELINESS AND THE NEW HAVEN OF PEACE AND JOY.  I WANT TO READ AND ENJOY MY THINGS.