i haven't finished banking. i don't have to. my bills are organized. 100 degrees at 4 pm. i swam 8-9:30. i'm putting my health first. the air is bad. the air conditioning is better not good.
my energy is slightly better. i tossed the drum sticks i cooked. i don't want them. i prefer veg protein.
temps coming down 5 pm 95.
i'm planning Saturn day and moon day 14 holiday. sunny is open.
a dictator is still a tyrant whatever he calls himself. i can call myself Queen of the city, doesn't make it so.
i start my day at 5 am. i brought in max protein shakes from car. it's lovely 70 cool and dark. when i feel tired i have to remind myself i have good reasons. i was never allowed to feel. Walter is going through the same thing. he was tortured and denied his feelings too. reconnecting feeling can be painful. emotional neuropathy. being denied the right to live. barely tolerated existence. hearing mom threatening to kill me.
big rain drops from high dark and white fluffy clouds in cup 9:48 arrival. like Hawaii with the sun shining. 40% humidity. i don't know if someone with pet dander or just bad air i'm coughing and stuffy.
Adult Survivors page 38 begins healing. WOW! page 42 "there is light peeking through the clouds of despair" IGOR. page 65 Erik Erickson's infant birth-18 months trust=hope. stage two 18-3 years Autonomy Vs Shame and Doubt. stage three 3-5 years Initiative Vs Guilt. stage four 5-12 Industry Vs Inferiority. stage five 12-18 Identity Vs Role Confusion. stage six 18-40 Intimacy Vs Isolation. stage seven 40-65 Generativity Vs Stagnation. stage eight 65+ Ego Integrity Vs Despair.
page 118 Moment of Insight: When you are constantly criticized by your family, you don't stop loving them. You stop loving yourself.
page 124 Moment: You will only grow apart from people who don't grow.
page 178 Triangulation: Flying Monkeys. Nola.
i just spent 8 weeks without a hot spot. new and different always feels weird.
i went to prune ridge Lucky's picked up free lemonade tea and bought unsalted mac nuts. didn't have it in stock when on sale $2 off. Walmart had one equate 12 pack vanilla max protein. i may have to go to the mission college Walmart.
seniors streets signed for parade. i planned on avoiding traffic. i spen an hour and half in tub. Dave turned up. i picked up lunch at ST Justin. i finally realized i'm fulfilling all the lunches mom never made me. mom gave Aileen and Mitzi lunch money but i had to fend for myself early or starve, mom didn't care. mom was always threatening to kill me, blaming me for her unsatisfactory life. i felt strangely powerful and confused as a child. that's Aileen's insanity. that's how i recognize and know Trump tactics.
i was going to sunny but only hour and half open 'till 6. tomorrow projected 96 degrees maybe cup library.
i loaded free soda. i'll go to Lucky's prune and Walmart tomorrow. i want protein drinks.
Diana gave me 5 lbs frozen strawberries, chicken, fish sticks, squash. i put in trunk. i can use, give away or toss. new sense of power. weird.
yesterday 20 pieces of mail. too boring. Adult Survivors most excellent. it has specific actions and explanations.
the air is so bad. my allergies. i'm so glad i'm in library air conditioning.
5:30 i'm fading.
nob hill goodies in trunk. 7 espresso, 2 ranch dressing, 2 grapefruit juice, 6 mac cheese. and all extra discounted clearance. encouraged me to toss fruit to squirrels and crows. make room for the good. or better. i kept enough for Cody and Toki.
synchronicity: the upstairs puzzle is Harry Potter, the bookstore had a special book i read and the Adult Survivors of Toxic Family Members made reference to Voldemort and using names as power.
home 6 pm regular parking taken i parked in front and loaded groceries into garage. 80 degrees.
Monroe closure alternate route. good lots of notice.
i couldn't find car key 2. i heard something fall going to my car last night didn't see anything and this morning couldn't find it. $100. i double checked seniors then called central it was in lost and found. i buzzed over too expensive to ignore. much as i don't like owning things and being owned by them. better for my car to stay in the cool. 104 outdoors 3 pm. 4:30 snack time.
i'm getting healthy and having fun. i missed last week when they cancelled due to illness.
sunny notice hot spot tomorrow. i do appreciate the convenience.
lunch menu changed tamale pie to pesto fish. i monopolized 'til bingo won twice like a bunch of gals. then felt good i mailed bill, withdrew Chase and parked car in underground on 99 degree day. underground parking 78.
sunny phoned me but hot spot won't be ready 'til tomorrow. seniors open 'til 7 and sunny open 'til 9. i kept checking online.
dinner a big salad with hot spicy bean tuna rice Smart Bowls. so hot I added 2 peaches cups.
