a dictator is still a tyrant whatever he calls himself. i can call myself Queen of the city, doesn't make it so.
i start my day at 5 am. i brought in max protein shakes from car. it's lovely 70 cool and dark. when i feel tired i have to remind myself i have good reasons. i was never allowed to feel. Walter is going through the same thing. he was tortured and denied his feelings too. reconnecting feeling can be painful. emotional neuropathy. being denied the right to live. barely tolerated existence. hearing mom threatening to kill me.
big rain drops from high dark and white fluffy clouds in cup 9:48 arrival. like Hawaii with the sun shining. 40% humidity. i don't know if someone with pet dander or just bad air i'm coughing and stuffy.
Adult Survivors page 38 begins healing. WOW! page 42 "there is light peeking through the clouds of despair" IGOR. page 65 Erik Erickson's infant birth-18 months trust=hope. stage two 18-3 years Autonomy Vs Shame and Doubt. stage three 3-5 years Initiative Vs Guilt. stage four 5-12 Industry Vs Inferiority. stage five 12-18 Identity Vs Role Confusion. stage six 18-40 Intimacy Vs Isolation. stage seven 40-65 Generativity Vs Stagnation. stage eight 65+ Ego Integrity Vs Despair.
page 118 Moment of Insight: When you are constantly criticized by your family, you don't stop loving them. You stop loving yourself.
page 124 Moment: You will only grow apart from people who don't grow.
page 178 Triangulation: Flying Monkeys. Nola.
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