i'm feeling my aloneness and sadness. i was too terrified and pressured to feel myself. i feel 8 years old. my stomach hurts. i need love now as i did then.
eating my b'fast of fish sticks and sour cherries i'm watching 'secret garden' about an orphan girl. she goes from a very dry india 1947 to a very lush wet england.
i just realized my parents behaviors never changed before and after diabetes diagnosis. they didn't present symptoms until later. same unpleasant people. less about diet and more about attitude of living.
licking my wounds staying in bed. drinking instant nestle's chocolate milk that keot me alive when bedridden eaten with black olive bread. letting go of the past is the hardest job in the world. way harder than 10 hr pineapple cannery shifts. feeling the feeling until it shifts and fades. sour cherries are a natural tranquilizer.
No comments:
Post a Comment