?

DESPAIR.  I THINK I'M HAVING A BOUT OF DESPAIR.  I ONLY KNOW I'VE NEVER FELT IT TO THIS DEGREE.  I COULDN'T SLEEP.  I KEPT OBSESSIVELY PLANNING THE FRONT YARD.  I FINALLY DISTRACTED MYSELF WATCHING A HEAVENLY CHRISTMAS, KRISTIN DAVIS, ERIC MCCORMACK, SHIRLEY MACCLAINE.

NOT HAVING BEEN ALLOWED MY FEELINGS, ASSOCIATING FEELINGS WITH BEATINGS, FEELING IS SCARY FILLED WITH DREAD.  I NEED TO BE WITH THESE FEELINGS.  I DON'T WANT TO SUPPRESS  THEM.  PART OF BEING HUMAN.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THEY'RE MY FEELINGS.  THIS HOUSE IS DRENCHED IN NEGATIVITY.  I'M TIRED OF THE NEGATIVE CRITICISM.  IF I'M DELUSIONAL MY EXTRAPOLATIONS OF CLIMATE CHANGE WOULDN'T HAVE COME TO PASS.

WHEN I WAS 16 IN HIGH SCHOOL BIOLOGY LEARNING ABOUT SEEDING CLOUDS TO BRING RAIN IN DROUGHT CONDITIONS I ASKED IF AIR POLLUTION AROUND MANUFACTURING WOULD CAUSE WEATHER PATTERN CHANGES, MR CHUCK WHERITY SAID HE DIDN'T KNOW BUT BASED ON THE SCIENCE IT WAS INEVITABLE.

HOW CAN PEOPLE REFUSE TO SEE WHAT'S BEFORE THEM?

I AVERTED A POTENTIAL DISASTER.  THE TV REMOTE DIED AND I CHECKED THE BATTERIES, CORRODED.  BAKING SODA TREATMENT.  FIXED.  I GUESS BAKING SODA IS GOOD FOR A LOT.  I HAVE A DRAWER FULL I BOUGHT YEARS AGO NOW I KNOW WHY.