1953-1955

WATCHING BETTY WHITE SHOW IS NOT FUNNY.  'LIFE WITH ELIZABETH' HUMOR IS BASED ON PEOPLE NOT KNOWING IT'S SUNDAY, INABILITY TO FUNCTION ON A BASIC LEVEL.  THEY ARGUE OVER NURSERY RHYMES, HOW TO PACK A SUITCASE.  JACK NARZ IS THE NARRATOR.  ELIZABETH AND ALVIN.

AND 'DATE WITH THE ANGELS'.   

I WOKE 4;30 IN PAIN FROM YESTERDAY'S 37 CRUNCHES.  I STRETCHED AND MOVED AROUND.  I TOOK DOWN THE LAUNDRY, FOLDED, PUT IT AWAY.  I'M CONSOLIDATING MY SEWING, THREADS , POCKET FABRICS.   

LOOKED THROUGH SOME OF MY DVD'S AND REALIZED MY COLLECTIONS WERE CHOSEN FOR COVID ISOLATION.  I HAVE CANNED FOOD, DRIED RICE, GRAINS PUT AWAY AND IT'S 'RAINING'.

FINALLY FINISHED FRUIT KOMBUCHA AND HAD HIVES.  NOT GOOD.  ONE LESS THING IN FRIDGE.

2ND FRIDAY#1 PRIORITY MY HEALTH

DAILY WORD SKIPPED WEDNESDAY SO THURSDAY 29 AND TWO FRIDAYS 30 AND 1.  THE FIRST ERROR EVER IN 44 YEARS. 

TODAY'S MOM B'DAY. 

I WENT CHASE NO PROBLEM THEN STAR ONE SCB CLOSED.  SO CUPERTINO?  I HAVE CHOICES.  ATM DEPOSIT.  I CHECKED PIN NUMBER.  DIDN'T KNOW HOW I WANTED TO PAY BILLS.  I'M OK.  MAYBE MONDAY.  MY EXPERIENCE WITH GREAT WESTERN BANK LOSING MY DEPOSITED CHECK AND NOT TRACKING IT.  I HAD TO CONTACT THE MARKETING COMPANY FOR A COPY OF THE CHECK PROVING IT HAD BEEN CASHED AND DEPOSITED TO SOMEONE ELSE.  TOOK ME SIX MONTHS AND NO INTEREST.  I HAD TO CALL MAYBE 15 BANKS CLEARING IT UP AND NO ONE AT GREAT WESTERN HAD THE GRACE TO APOLOGIZE OR HELP.  I CHANGED BANKS.

I THOUGHT OF SHOPPING BUT NO.  I'M FIXING ALL MY SEWING PROJECTS.  I DECIDED TO PEDAL WITH A TIMER SO NO OVER DO.  I STARTED TO WRITE OVER DUE.  WHEN I WAS BED RIDDEN I LAY IN BED AND DID WHAT I COULD MANAGE.  NOW BEING ABLE TO MOVE I TEND TO GO CRAZY WITH JOY AND SUFFER FOR IT LATER.  MY BODY NO LONGER BEING MUSCLE BOUND IS DOUGHIER.  MY STOMACH SEEMS MORE PROMINENT BUT I'M SURE IT'S THE SAME JUST MORE NOTICEABLE.  MY WEIGHT IS THE SAME.  DID 37 CRUNCHES.  MAN IS THE ONLY ANIMAL TO OVER DO.  HOW SMART IS THAT.

10;15 LUNCH LINE AROUND JEFFERSON.  IT'S FRIDAY.  I LOVE THIS QUIET TIME.  NO DISTRACTIONS OF OTHER THINGS TO DO. 

WATCHING A TERRIFYING HORRIFYING 'MEDIUM' VAMPIRE EPISODE I WALK INTO THE KITCHEN THE FRIDGE ISN'T RUNNING.  IT'S BEEN ON CONSTANTLY SINCE AILEEN TRIED TO TAKE IT 2002 RIPPED THE BOTTOM AND LEFT IT.  I START TO PANIC I NEED HELP AND DECIDE I CAN FREEZE WALTER'S ICE PACKS GARAGE FREEZER AND USE THEM.  THE BACK BEDROOM  COLD ENOUGH.  AND FRIDGE STARTED AGAIN.  IT PUT HORRIFYING TERRIFYING IN A NEW PERSPECTIVE.

I'M LIVING THE MODERN PIONEER LIFE.

1 PM I GOT DRESSED AND WILLING TO GO TO CUPERTINO BANKING.  I SAT IN CAR BLESSING MAILMAN.  I DON'T HAVE TO TODAY I CAN GO MONDAY MORNING.  I JUST HAVE TO BE WILLING. 

I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT SAFEWAY MONOPOLY.  HUGE SAFEWAY IN CUPERTINO.

5 minute drive

I TOOK OFF 9;44 AND DROVE 3 MILES IN 5 MINUTES.  AND I WAS STILL THE 2ND CAR IN LINE.  CONES HADN'T BEEN SET UP.  SO LOVELY PEACEFUL IN THE SHADE.  DOWN TO THE JEFFERSON CORNER 10;30. 

I KEEP FEELING I SHOULD BE DOING MORE.  THE CRITICAL VOICES OF MY FAMILY ON A MEMORY TAPE.  IT'S MEMOREX.  THE COMMERCIAL; IS IT LIVE OR IS IT MEMOREX. 

HBO OFFERED 500 HOURS FREE VIEWING.  BUT- MUST REGISTER AND THEN THEY HAVE YOUR INFO.  SO NO.  SOMETIMES FREE ISN'T FREE.  MOM WAS CONDITIONAL.  DO THIS DO THAT.  SHE GAVE MY SISTERS MONEY TO LIE TO HER BUT I HAD TO DEFROST THE FREEZER, WAX THE FLOOR, WASH ALL THE WINDOWS INSIDE AND OUT.  I EARNED MY $5 MONEY.  OMG.  TOMORROW HER BIRTHDAY.  HUH.

feeling frustrated

I'M KEEPING ON AND WAITING FOR THE NEXT LEVEL TO REVEAL ITSELF. 

I'M ROBINSON CRUSOE.  I DID LAUNDRY IN AN ISLAND OF QUIET.  MY AUTISTIC SELF LOVES THE QUIET.   I THINK I'M OVER THE SHOCK OF THE SITUATION.  IT LOOKS LIKE ANOTHER MONTH AT LEAST.   I FEEL LIKE THIS TIME IS FOR MY BENEFIT.  THE LAUNDRY IS 1 MILE FROM VALLEY FAIR.  I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE SHOPPING.  I HAVE GIFT CARDS TO USE I DON'T WANT TO GO ANYWHERE.  I GUESS THIS IS HOW I WAS AS A CHILD TOO.  I WASN'T ALLOWED TO BE.  I'M LEARNING BEING FOR THE FIRST TIME .  IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE A HAPPY CHILD.

I WAS IN LUNCH LINE BEFORE 10 4TH CAR.  I READ AND RELAXED.  I GOT BIG FISH.  I USED TARTAR VERY SPARINGLY.  COLESLAW MAYO TASTELESS I ADDED  SLICED ALMONDS SUNFLOWER SEEDS.

3 PM I BRUSHED MY TEETH FOR AN APRES LUNCH NAP AND REMEMBERED I LEFT THE LAUNDRY IN THE CAR.  I PUT MY BRACE BACK ON AND HUNG THE CLOTHES NO LONGER SLEEPY.  WATCHED GREEN ACRES FELL ASLEEP.

MADE PENNE AND CRACKED ANOTHER CUP WITH COLD WATER.  OH, WELL. 

this feeling

6 AM LISTENING TO SECRET CD I WOKE FEELING RESISTANCE THROUGHOUT MY BODY.  THAT'S WHAT I'VE LABELED RESTLESS NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO WITH THIS NEED.  FEELING I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.  MY PROGRAMMING IS IN MY CELLS THROUGHOUT MY BODY.  NO WONDER CHANGE IS SO HARD.  IT EXTENDS THROUGHOUT MY BODY.  NOT JUST THE BRAIN.  NERVE CELLS AND BRAIN CELLS APPEAR IDENTICAL.

MY BACK HAS PRECLUDED THAT.  MY MUSCLES CONTINUE TO RELAX AND UNLOCK.  I WORE MY ERGONOMIC SANDALS YESTERDAY.  MY BODY WAS REELING FROM THE FEW MINUTES I SPENT ON THE TWISTER.  I WATCHED THE COMMERCIAL FOR EXERCISE AND THOUGHT WHY NOT. 

I WENT TO WALMART FOR GUM AND BOUGHT HALF ROTISSERIE CHICKEN 2.25.  WHOLE CHICKEN 7.97.  MUST BE DIFFERENT SIZED CHICKEN.  I WENT ON TO VALLEY FAIR SAFEWAY.  I GUESS THE EPITOME OF WEALTH IS I DON'T NEED TO REDEEM WHAT I DON'T WANT.  I GOT MORE GAME PIECES.

MY LEFT ARM IS WEAK AND SHAKY.  DON'T KNOW IF IT'S MY NECK, SHOULDER, BACK OR WHAT.  MAYBE I'M NOT DOING AS MUCH.

restless

i spent a fitful night.  sciatica acting up. 

lack of exercise and overdoing at the same time.  oh, well.

don't know what i want to do

i may free associate.  i've been listening to secret 2 cd while watching tv and doing word search puzzles.

now i'm obsessing going to burger king.  do i, don't i.  when.  almost like a job.  something to think about.  to do.  occupy my brain.  i want to watch medium on tv at 11.

like mystery shows engage the brain.  mom used keno machines.  i use word search puzzles.  i could practice writing with my other hand.  i used the twister to exercise.  i think i use the pedals unevenly. 

i have all that lettuce.  yesterday i drained off the oil of the canned adobo tuna and made a salad with 5 grain rice thins.  i forgot to add sliced almonds.  it was delicious.

COURSE IN MIRACLES HEALER'S PRAYER 24
I NEED NOT WORRY ABOUT WHAT TO SAY...OR DO.  HE WHO SENT ME WILL DIRECT ME.