i want more heaven. as all the chemical memories leave my body the process feels painful. i have to relax and minimize the damage. feels like 2001 when mom died i ripped up my back my sisters attacking abusing me like always. doing what mom and dad taught them. i can distract myself from the worst of it with tv and subliminal music.
9 am my back continues to protest. could be the constant rain. atmospheric pressure. turmeric, kava, p flower.
fell asleep pain exhausted dreamed of tobacco balls. i don't know. part of the pain resonance is nicotine leaving cell storage. excruciating waves started after i had tiny bit of gum with sugar free 2 ?? weeks ago.
2 pm i put on brace and put out recycle and garbage bins. i've been doing too much without it. i've been trying to resolve dad making everything harder on himself and everyone around him. i don't understand.
it's weird there's nothing of interest to me on tv. found romance marathon 5 pm. i never was interested now i'm studying what i want. family always pooh poohed my life. now i can do what i want. called cathy to acknowledge receipt of her beautiful card.
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