right hip so pain filled

nausea makes me feel tired and sad.  

i took my time driving to seniors.  very wet and rainy today.  more worries gutters a mess, yard.  oh, well.  today daily word 'let go, let god'.  i'm doing what i can.  showered exercised stretched hip feels better.  ate citrus drops all day for nausea like 1972.  such a disappointing time in my life.  first year of a nightmare marriage i felt trapped.  commitment manic.  i guess i couldn't admit it was a horrible mistake and in my arrogance i thought i could fix it.  so i wasted 13 years of my life.    well, not wasted.  i researched relationships the most enlightening Harville Hendrix and Gay and Kaitlyn Hendricks marriage counselors.  i must have read a thousand books.  at least.  

5:45 toke knocked on the front door left sushi.  i was wondering what to have for dinner.  i watched the ads on tv hamburgers, chicken, i didn't want to drive.  i had nuked a cup of brown rice and she provided dinner.  i waited to call and she called me.  i thanked her and shared that her concern for her aunt with dementia was slowly getting ready to pass over.  i said toke didn't talk to her deceased parents and she agreed.  i told her physics states energy is never lost only changes form.  that our life energy is a form of electrical energy readable by machines and when we pass we become pure energy vibrating at a higher immeasurable rate.  they can lower their vibrations to appear in our dreams.  i shared the dream i drove mom and dad in a car around the islands.  that's why we dream.  we visit the other side.  toke's aunt has been talking with toke's deceased dad, her brother.   tokes concerned it's dementia.  i shared Evelyn and George Gerraci his year of dementia after a long successful loving marriage and how 2 successive nights he woke her at 3 am talking to deceased relatives before he passed the 3rd night.  loving relations come to help cross over.

sat 10/23-i'm taking gentle care of myself.  i woke 3:30 knowing and waiting for an epiphany.  that's the epiphany.  i'm learning to be gentle with myself.  and  i can forgive my family for living in denial.  it hurts to watch them hurting themselves thinking they're ok and i'm not.  as long as i hold that thought i hurt myself.

sun 24-my skull and right neck so tight and sore i'm nauseous.  i'm taking willow.  right eye socket so sore and blurring.  massaging base of skull and right temple helps for awhile and then it's back.   the pinch travels.  

3 pm a break in the rain i put out garbage and recycle.  i picked up fruit put in shower to dry.  the leaf stuffed gutter is pulling away from garage roof and i can rejoice.  there's always going to be something and this is minor.  wow new response.  i'm rereading 2017 edition 'you can heal your life'.  good stuff.  affirmations raise my energy and therefor the energy of the planet.  my passion purpose is to leave the world a better place than when i came here.